Deal With It Is Not Dead

I realize that the posts have been coming few and far in between lately, deal with it. I cannot speak for C$$$, to tell you the truth I dont even know if he is still alive, but I can say that I have had little time to update the blog on a regular basis. This can be attributed to many things, including a busy work schedule, my health (sick as a dog lately) and my inability to come up with anything funny lately. Still I promise you this is only a lull and DWI will pick up here as the summer months start rolling.

Since I havent posted about myself in a while, in fear of ol C$$$ ripping on me about how his live is painfully shittier than mine no matter what happens to me, I have decided to do a little catch up. Last weekend was absolutely nuts and pretty much sums my life up to a tee these days. Basically just expect the unexpected. Friday night was the 1 year anniversary of my little drug bust, and the roomies and I wanted to celebrate proper. I should have known that Wild Turkey would be playing a role in the evening as soon as I went out. The night was pretty tame until Jake and I started running the dart board and the free drinks started rolling. I was back in rare form puking before midnight and begging my girlfriend to come pick me up before I passed out in the back of the bar. She was kind enough to take us home safely and the night ended up being pretty quiet. I was planning on taking Saturday off because Sunday I had to help the girl move from Milwaukee back to her parents house outside of Cambridge. That was much harder than I thought so I just decided I would be the DD so I wouldnt get anymore shit from my friends about not drinking. Well let me tell you something about me, I cannot stand drunk people at all. Everyone was having the time of there lives and I was stuck drinking a H20 wondering how much better I would be doing if it was drowned out with whisky. Anyways I lasted until near bar time before I couldnt take it anymore and i grabbed as many as my friends as I could and headed home. Sunday we left at 7 to start the move. It was probably the most painless move I had to encounter because everything was very organized and ready to go. Basically it was an hour of hard work, followed by my thirst building for the rest of the day. My girlfriend, caught my cold, and decided she was going to stay in for the night so I got ready and headed to marshall in attempt to beat the storm. We picked up a few cases and went to the Pods house where about twenty dudes were ready to rock. I quickly located a bottle of crown royal and went to work. One blunt and few crown's later I was ready to party so I caught a ride to Waterloo where I figured shit would be bumpin. Waterloo was just ayyite, basically every time I go there, some type of fight breaks out so I usually just hang with guys who think they can kick a lot of ass, in hopes nobody will mess with me. This usually works but can be pretty lame sometimes because usually these guys just talk about how tough they are, and if I am interested in taking on any four guys in the bar with them. Anyways I wasnt expecting my brother would be the one who wanted to get frisky. I have been whooping up on my brother forever, but for some reason now he thinks he is a lot tougher than me. THis may or not be the case but dont try and find out after I am a half of crown royal deep. After some innocent wrestling around I for some reason thought he needed a double fish hook. This has been my finishing move for a long time, but I never realized it worked so well. I nearly had him in tears before I realized how much pain i had him in. I let him go stepped back and he kicked me right in the nuts. Now a kick to the nuts is the worst thing that can happen to a man. A kick to the nuts when you are drunk may even be worse. It completely dropped me and I forgot even why we were messing around in the first place, i lit a smoke and went outside for some fresh air, and try and locate my testicles. I was outside for maybe twenty minutes before hopping a ride with some of my crew back to Marshall. My brother and his girl friend were going to SP for some food so i hopped another ride and came home. It wasnt long before i passed out full clothed wishing I would have been a little smarter about my drinking that evening. This is really important the next day when I wake up. My phone wont stop beeping at 630 a.m and I get up to see what the fuck is so damn important. I read this text, "dude your tree blew down and it is Kenny's driveway". At this point I dont even know what to think because my head is pounding and it is 630 am on a fucking holiday monday. I get up to check it out and find that not only is the tree blown over, but it has completely landed on both of the neighbors cars. Now let me tell you a little bit about the neighbors very nice people but I am pretty sure they are one step away from the Jerry Springer show. Kenny, as I have learned, has been in and out of jail, drinks pretty much non-stop, and has never met any physical labor that he couldnt do better when he is hammered. Needless to say I didnt want to deal with this yahoo on my holiday. I called my old man and said I needed his chain saw and he told me he would be over around 830. I go throw some shorts on and check out the damage. The tree literally split in half, with one half completely ingulping the neighbors driveways, smashing the hood and windshield of one vehicle, and smashing the wind shield of Kennys truck. I went in to call my insurance company and while I am inside I hear a chainsaw start up. I walk outside and look out and damn near every person on the block is outside of my house, and Kenny is standing on the top of his truck with a chainsaw doing work. I go outside and we start cutting up this tree. I find out that my insurance wont cover any of it, because the tree is not rotted? Hmmm. why the hell would it cover a rotted tree that could go down at any time, but not a healthy tree that needs an act of god for it to go down. I am fucking sick of insurance companies right now. Well my dad showed up and we got branch removed and off of the vehicles. Well after the work was done Kenny was ready to play. So he starts hammering bloody marries and I go inside and make some breakfast. I come back out and the drunken neighbors have put a no parking sign on the other half of the tree, and are pretty much completely wasted, mind you it is 10 am. I am thankful they are in good spirits and I continue about my day. Since it is such a nice day out we spend most of the day outside. Kenny comes on over so we can rehash the incident and I cannot understand a word he is saying. He tells me that he can take the rest of the tree down the next day, which I am dreading to hear, because I know he will be doing this the most dangerous way possible, while drinking, and I dont want to come home to my neighbor with a chainsaw stuck in his side. So I talk him out of it and we bull shit for a while, before he heads home. I call up some peeps and we decide to have a cookout. It isnt long before all we can hear is screaming and cursing coming from Kenny's house. Apparently not all is well like I previously thought. I take a look and Kenny's 3rd or 4th wife is threatening to call the cops as she hops into her car that has a smashed windshield and the roof caved in. Kenny is in his dump truck trying to ram her car. Yeah not really what I wanted to be seeing. The wife speeds off and Kenny proceeds to start yelling at his neighbors for telling him how to live his life. This goes on for another hour or so, until he finally passes out. We enjoy the hell out of our cook out and watch a couple of movies before hitting the sack. All in all a damn fine weekend.