Friday, July 27, 2007
Weekend
It has been a quiet week on the blog mainly because I have been very busy at work. This weekend, should be fun. I have my buddy Brandon's bachelor party on Saturday and this is my first opportunity to go paintballing. I have always worried about going because I would be the biggest target, and most of friends would love the opportunity to inflict pain on to me. However this weekend I will be with probably 4 or 5 guys bigger than me so I wont be such an easy target, well I will but I will also have someone to pick on. I would like to let everyone know that I feel like my many years of watching Seagall, Norris, and Schwartzenager rip shit up has me trained and ready to go to war. I can only hope my training has turned me into the warrier that I feel like. After the war games, we are going to a bar in waterloo which I guess has been rented for the day. Sounds like drinking starts around 2 with plenty of gambling and rumors that a few exoctic dancers may be visiting. Lets hope we dont get one with a bum wheel, as painful and gutty as her performance on stage was, it was equally painful for all of us having to give her a dollar out of guilt. Sunday I will be checking out a hot tub for the pad. Yes I know hot tub's are stereotypical bachelor pad items, yet growing up we always had one and I really miss its benefits. My thought is buying a hot tub may inspire me into getting the patio, or a spot for the hot tub, finished. Though that seems highly unlikely with what I like to call "training camp" or my six week binge drinking routine that always seems to coincide with going back to school, or in my case preparing myself for Badger gamedays. I felt like last year I just did not get enough training, and I know a few of my readers can attest to that. Well I would just like to reiterate, I am well aware of my personal tailgate failures last year which included: Puking in my cousins ride (all over his leather mind you), passing out in front of Brats, or getting caught urinating in public. This year I am going to be on top of my game ready for whatever craziness Madtown, GB, Columbus Ohio, have to offer (wouldnt it be great to add a Brewer playoff game tailgate to that mix). As a little weekend sign of I leave you with this WATCH THE VOLUME!!!
Tuesday, July 24, 2007
3 on 3 Tournament Review
Well this weekend we had our first annual White Men Cant Jump 3 on 3 Basketball Tournament at my house. It went without a hitch. I think everyone had a good time and more importantly nobody got hurt. The Revolution: Jake Schaub, Max Koch, Matt Noel, and I won the championship, winning 4 games in a row. The only team without a loss, and the only team without two losses for that matter. I think we suprised many with our teamwork and ability to play regardless to how many beers we drank during the course of the day. Specail Props to C$$$$, aka C-Weed, aka my cousin Craig. Always the character, shrewd commentary added a wonderful element to the tourney. In fact C$$$ single handily kept everyone's interest when the basketball was getting old. Yes the tournament went well, but my house was absolutely destroyed, when i awoke at 2 oclock on Sunday it looked as if a pack of wild jackals had made there way into my home. That along with barely making our money back is making me think twice about holding this event again, but it was a lot of fun, maybe we will just find a new site to hold the event so we can have more teams, and less of my house getting fucked up. Anyway here is a tournament recap.
The Young Guns
Had to finish the tourney with only two players, due to an undisclosed injury. There youth showed as they were quickly sent home. Though I believe they were winning when the injury hit (I think all teams will have at least 4 guys next year).
Ballz Deep
Never really found there range on the short hoop. The other team not to win a game in the tourney. Also, Scott Gordon, did get dunked on hard, by me in game one. This team had the heart, they just lacked a go-to scorer, better look next year.
Triple Threat
The self proclaimed favorite heading into the tournament, looked that way in there dominant performance in game one. However the wheels quickly fell eerily reminiscent of the Regional Final game against Lomira. They did have the default winner of the Slam Dunk Championship. Ryan "Big Pony" Powell made sure he attempted at least 20 dunks in between games. Too bad it wasnt enough as this team wins the biggest dissapointment award.
Skillz that Killz
I heard rumors all week that this team was going to dominate. They had a well balanced team led by Malibu 3.0 and his wicked jumper. They played very well giving us our toughest test of the tournament. However they ran into two much beef in there matchup against The Magic Nugget Pouches, costing them a shot at getting into the money.
Magic Nugget Pouches
Another team that I thought had what it took to win it all, with there well balanced roster. They lost there first game when they were short handed, and the excuses rained down. They came back to win there next two games, and were skying high, until the buzz saw know as the Albino Assassin knocked them out of the tournament. I warned you guys, get him before the sun goes down.
Badger Rejects
After losing early in the tourney the Rejects, pulled together and ended up winning the loser bracket. Lead by tournament MVP Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker. Once he heated up, there was nobody in the tourney who could stop him. It was a brilliant effort but in the end, he didnt have enough help.
The Revolution
Were not overly impressive in any of there wins, but then again really didnt have to be. Just handled there business. The Revolution, had a 4 guys who all contributed to the W, and played a pretty style of basketball. I heard a lot of grumblings that the best team did not win, however win you dont lose a game over the course of the entire day, its awfully hard to say that. We will be back defending our crown next year.
All-Tournament Team
Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker (MVP)
In the early goings of the tournament, when the sun was blazing down, The Assassin was having a rough go of it. Once the shade hit the court, look out as he single handedly lead his team out of the losers bracket.
Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
Was a beast in the paint and no one ever really slowed him down. The matchup between Packard and Malibu 3.0 was the best of the tournament. Two bigs with contrasting styles going toe to toe. Packard, also threw down two of the nastiest dunks of the tournament.
Malibou 3.0 Mike Jonely
The tallest player in the tournament used his height advantage to get any shot he wanted and was definately the go-to scorer for team Skillz that Killz. He was probably the most unstoppable player, it took repeated shots to the nuts to take him off his game.
Luke "Poot" Wiske
I was personally suprised Poot was even standing by tournaments end. He could be found in between games pounding SOCo, but when he was on the court, Poot did a little bit of everything to help his team win. His game was definately a suprise, but he gave the Nugget Pouches a chance to get back into the championship bracket. Too bad it all went for naught.
Matt "Butch McRae" Noel
Butch was a masterful floor general for the Revolution. Setting up easy bucket after easy bucket, running the pick n' roll offense flawlessly. His scoring prowess was also a big suprise, and the birthday boy narrowly missed winning the MVP, for his Championship effort.
Friday, July 20, 2007
Ron Mexico is in some Deep Shit! Read This
http://abcnews.go.com/images/TheLaw/VICK_INDICTMENT.pdf#http://abcnews.go.com/images/TheLaw/VICK_INDICTMENT.pdf
3 on 3 Preview
Tommorow is the First Annual White Men Can't Jump 3 on 3 Tournament. We have a 7 team field for our double elimination bracket. I havent been this excited for a tournament since the song "Your the Best Around" plays in the karate kid tournament montage. This is going to be a great time, plenty of beer, hopefully plenty of girls, and a days worth of top notch basketball.
First Round Matchups
Ballz Deep Vs The Revolution
Ballz Deep consists of Cody Gordon, Scott Gordon, and the only female participant, Emily Gordon. They get a tough draw in the first round. The Revolution led by silky smooth swingman Jake Schaub "Ricky Roe" and the leadership of point man Matt Noel "Butch McRae", who will most likely be matched up with Emily. A battle I see really going either way. Another interesting Matchup is the one in the middle. A couple of men who tip the scales at nearly 3 bills will be going to war down low, and the winner of this matchup could determine the winner. I expect the sweet shooting of Roe, and the home court advantage to get the best of Ballz Deep.
Badger Rejects Vs Skillz that Killz
This is one of the more highly anticipated first round matchups. Skillz that Killz is led by Aaron Powell, Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorrila", and Mike Jonely "Malibou" who hopefully can concentrate on basketballl with all the primo tale running around. Badger Rejects is lead by Golden Eagle grad, Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker, and his crew of flunkies. Chad "Pig" Schaub, is training at the police academy so it will be interesting to see if his endless hours of beating on minorities, and slamming Krispy Kremes, will translate into a W. I see the veteran leadership of Aaron Powell (Scott Skiles clone) being enough to carry Skillz into the next round.
Team Triple Threat Vs The Young Gunz
One of the early favorites, the veteran crew of Team Triple Threat featuring 3 guys nearing there thirties, with something to prove. Ryan "Pony" Powell is trying to recreate the mid nineties magic he had with teammate Jay Heiman on there memorable trip to the regional finals. Necomer Marcus Packard's entry was highly provactive, due to late payment in the fantasy football league. Look for Packards versatility to fit right in with the krafty vets. The Young Gunz have the most recent competitive basketball experience. They have been suiting it up for Marshall High the last 4 years. However I think they will quickly realize this is a different brand of basketball. The Schaub twins are going to have a tough time playing in the shadow of the legend "Roe" and will have to make up for that by playing there hearts out. I dont think it will be enough as I believe Triple Threat has one last shot at mediocracy.
Magic Nugget Pouches (First Round Bye)
A sleeper team in the tournament is the foreign team the Magic Nugget Pouches. Led by another Golden Eagle, and Under Armor Sponsered, Scott "The Floor General" Grunwald. The Nugget Pouches is the only team with five participants so depth should not be a factor however drinking most certainly will, as two of this teams members Poot Wiske, and Bob "Bobby Shots" Wygandt have recently fallen off the wagon. Matt "Big Boi" Hebl will be intimidating opposing defenses with his sick post game, a disgusting brand, and a long face that would make seabisquit tremble. This sleeper on this team Crazy NP Jeff Einerson, you may remember him as the guy who slept with Steve Donaldson causing the demise of the Wildcats, but he has been seen recently ripping up the courts at Whitewaters open gym. If Einerson can recreate some of the Cat magic, and Wiske and Bob, save some of the drinking for after the party this could be a scary team.
Five Players to Watch
Jake Schaub Aka Ricky Roe
The sweetest stroke in the tournament, and a face that will make the women melt. Rumor has it that he has been guranteed a piece of ass if he does well on Saturday if that doesnt bring out the best in you I dont know what will.
Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker
Forget that he has spent the last 6 months on his knees praying to the Jesuit for the return of Domminic James. This kid can flat out shoot the rock. One thing to look for how he handles the sun, being a pasty ginger, in this hot weather could lead to an off game. Hopefully he remembers his SPF 150.
Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
He brings the inside outside game to the courts of Tower Drive. Packard reffered to by friends as the Shepherd, will be a force to be reckoned with. His eligibilty is still in question due to late fantasy football payments. If he gets his eligibility granted he should make the all tourney team.
Mike "Malibou" Jonely
If Malibou can take time out from relaxing on the beach with a beer in one hand and a babe in the other to concentrate on winning this tournament, look out. The tallest player in field, will look like Yao Ming on this hoop, and he has the game to back it up. No chance he passes the drug test, but then again who will.
Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorilla" Retzlaff
The heat should be no problem for this Congo native. His scary long arms, and thick mane, should cause nightmares for opposing defenders. His deadly accuracy from deep is going to be tested on these tight rims, if he can find the distance, 99 bananas could be on him after the tourney.
Special Mention Matt "Neon Badeaux" BrowneDont expect much from this proverbial shit show, except for maybe winning the award for guy with most shots blocked. He will probably be found in between games, spitting hot fire to ladies, playing drinking games (minus a shirt of course), and chirping all over the court. Browne who appartenly has let his game slip away due to endless hours trying to master Halo 2, while deepthroating Jimmy Johns club sandwiches. If you like to follow trajesty, dont take your eyes off, he will not dissapoint.
First Round Matchups
Ballz Deep Vs The Revolution
Ballz Deep consists of Cody Gordon, Scott Gordon, and the only female participant, Emily Gordon. They get a tough draw in the first round. The Revolution led by silky smooth swingman Jake Schaub "Ricky Roe" and the leadership of point man Matt Noel "Butch McRae", who will most likely be matched up with Emily. A battle I see really going either way. Another interesting Matchup is the one in the middle. A couple of men who tip the scales at nearly 3 bills will be going to war down low, and the winner of this matchup could determine the winner. I expect the sweet shooting of Roe, and the home court advantage to get the best of Ballz Deep.
Badger Rejects Vs Skillz that Killz
This is one of the more highly anticipated first round matchups. Skillz that Killz is led by Aaron Powell, Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorrila", and Mike Jonely "Malibou" who hopefully can concentrate on basketballl with all the primo tale running around. Badger Rejects is lead by Golden Eagle grad, Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker, and his crew of flunkies. Chad "Pig" Schaub, is training at the police academy so it will be interesting to see if his endless hours of beating on minorities, and slamming Krispy Kremes, will translate into a W. I see the veteran leadership of Aaron Powell (Scott Skiles clone) being enough to carry Skillz into the next round.
Team Triple Threat Vs The Young Gunz
One of the early favorites, the veteran crew of Team Triple Threat featuring 3 guys nearing there thirties, with something to prove. Ryan "Pony" Powell is trying to recreate the mid nineties magic he had with teammate Jay Heiman on there memorable trip to the regional finals. Necomer Marcus Packard's entry was highly provactive, due to late payment in the fantasy football league. Look for Packards versatility to fit right in with the krafty vets. The Young Gunz have the most recent competitive basketball experience. They have been suiting it up for Marshall High the last 4 years. However I think they will quickly realize this is a different brand of basketball. The Schaub twins are going to have a tough time playing in the shadow of the legend "Roe" and will have to make up for that by playing there hearts out. I dont think it will be enough as I believe Triple Threat has one last shot at mediocracy.
Magic Nugget Pouches (First Round Bye)
A sleeper team in the tournament is the foreign team the Magic Nugget Pouches. Led by another Golden Eagle, and Under Armor Sponsered, Scott "The Floor General" Grunwald. The Nugget Pouches is the only team with five participants so depth should not be a factor however drinking most certainly will, as two of this teams members Poot Wiske, and Bob "Bobby Shots" Wygandt have recently fallen off the wagon. Matt "Big Boi" Hebl will be intimidating opposing defenses with his sick post game, a disgusting brand, and a long face that would make seabisquit tremble. This sleeper on this team Crazy NP Jeff Einerson, you may remember him as the guy who slept with Steve Donaldson causing the demise of the Wildcats, but he has been seen recently ripping up the courts at Whitewaters open gym. If Einerson can recreate some of the Cat magic, and Wiske and Bob, save some of the drinking for after the party this could be a scary team.
Five Players to Watch
Jake Schaub Aka Ricky Roe
The sweetest stroke in the tournament, and a face that will make the women melt. Rumor has it that he has been guranteed a piece of ass if he does well on Saturday if that doesnt bring out the best in you I dont know what will.
Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker
Forget that he has spent the last 6 months on his knees praying to the Jesuit for the return of Domminic James. This kid can flat out shoot the rock. One thing to look for how he handles the sun, being a pasty ginger, in this hot weather could lead to an off game. Hopefully he remembers his SPF 150.
Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
He brings the inside outside game to the courts of Tower Drive. Packard reffered to by friends as the Shepherd, will be a force to be reckoned with. His eligibilty is still in question due to late fantasy football payments. If he gets his eligibility granted he should make the all tourney team.
Mike "Malibou" Jonely
If Malibou can take time out from relaxing on the beach with a beer in one hand and a babe in the other to concentrate on winning this tournament, look out. The tallest player in field, will look like Yao Ming on this hoop, and he has the game to back it up. No chance he passes the drug test, but then again who will.
Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorilla" Retzlaff
The heat should be no problem for this Congo native. His scary long arms, and thick mane, should cause nightmares for opposing defenders. His deadly accuracy from deep is going to be tested on these tight rims, if he can find the distance, 99 bananas could be on him after the tourney.
Special Mention Matt "Neon Badeaux" BrowneDont expect much from this proverbial shit show, except for maybe winning the award for guy with most shots blocked. He will probably be found in between games, spitting hot fire to ladies, playing drinking games (minus a shirt of course), and chirping all over the court. Browne who appartenly has let his game slip away due to endless hours trying to master Halo 2, while deepthroating Jimmy Johns club sandwiches. If you like to follow trajesty, dont take your eyes off, he will not dissapoint.
Thursday, July 19, 2007
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