Humpday: Susan Sideropoulos

This bombshell is a German actress who was on the cover of the Spanish Maxim. These are some of the shots from that spread. Enjoy!

26 years ago today....

April 29, 1983: Cubs manager Lee Elia took the opportunity to tell the truth about Cubs fans to a group of shocked reporters during a post-game, locker room press conference.

Perhaps the greatest coach rant of all time. Watch the language on this baby.

The Big He-Bowski...

A couple of classics combined.

Coming Clean: The Pepperoni Story

This was an epic weekend highlighted by a four hour dance festival, a no limit party, our first annual NFL draft party, getting punched in the face twice, seeing Mark Tauscher at the Bris, seeing a bunch of old friends, hanging out with the happiest 8 month old I know, as well as spending sunday with my family. Like I said it was a crazy weekend. However I would like to talk about something that happened on Friday that had been culminating since my sophomore year of high school. That is the story of the Pepperoni Nipples.

When I got home from work friday a few friends were over enjoying the near 80 degree weather wisconsin style with beer and bags. One of the friends that was there I had not partied with in long time and it was great to see her. We havent stayed very close and I am mainly to blame (you will soon know why). Well we got to talking and drinking and talking and drinking before I slipped up and called her peps. This was not on purpose just an old habbit. She got very angry and demanded that I tell her the story around the nickname that had followed her around for many, many years. So I explained it to her and I apologized for coming up with this horrible nickname that I had no idea would stick. Anyways, now that I have come clean with her and apologized I figured I could post the story.

So my inadequcies as a lover early on in my high school career are well documented. My flat hand story will follow me to the grave whether I like it or not. Early in my sophomore year I started to hang out with a different crowd, an older crowd and just like many kids in my shoes I tried my hardest to impress my new friends. Since I didnt have my license yet, I usually had to beg them to come get me at my parents house and take me out where ever they were going. Well I talked them into going to a party at this girls house in my grade. Anyways towards the end of the night I slipped away with a girl from my class and things got a little heated. Since I had an early curfew at that point I was only able to round first base, before i got a call from boys saying it was time to leave. So we left and they started greasing me for tales of my conquest. I didnt really know what to say, I didnt have many hook up stories at that point so I wasnt very good at giving details. Since not much happened i wanted to spice up the parts that did. I told them that she had great breasts and her nipples were huge, I compared them to pepperoni's. Well when we got to school on Monday nothing was different, but later that night at football practice word got out on my little hookup and the nickname, Peps, came to be. It started as kind of fun joke where only the guys on the team new about it, but it wouldnt be long before every single guy in the school started reffering to her as Peps. She told me on Friday that people she didnt even know would call her that, and I know her brother has called her that as well. For all these years she had no idea where the nickname came from. I did feel bad, I should have explained to her why the nickname started, and I probably didnt give my best effort in putting the story to bed. For that I am sorry, but it sure feels good to come clean, and put this story to bed once and for all.

Caption Contest

Well last week garnered the most comments of any post ever, at nine. I am hoping this week blows that number out of the water. Seriously even if you dont know who these people are post a caption! I am giving Gruny the win for last weeks contest. I dont know what to say about his three page story that he wrote about C$$$ but it was funny nonetheless. Good luck to everyone this week!

Thank God for You Tube Volume #3

As you know I love parodies, and this is one of my favorite fake trailers ever. Absolutley genious.

"Fuck it" List

You guys are probably well aware of a bucket list, or a list of things to do before you die or are no longer able to. Well today I introduce the "fuck it" list or a list of things that at one point in your life you may have thought, "hey I can do that" but now you realize there is no chance that you ever actually do it.

- Run any sort of race. Look my body type is made for water not land, the only time I run is on a basketball court and that could be argued that I am just fast walking while I am out there. I am in horrible shape, but I will never get back into shape running. I don't understand the fad. My mother who is nearly 60 (luckily she doesn't read this because she tells everyone she is under 50) is running a triathlon this summer. God bless her because it is something that is just not in my make-up so fuck it!

- Skydiving, base jumping, bungee jumping. I had planned on conquering my fear of heights at some point in my life. I am not the dare devil type, and I just don't see myself paying money to scare the living shit out of myself, and risk my life while I am at it. Gravity works extra hard on me, no need to fight that.

- Opening up my own strip club. Wow many of you know this has been a dream of mine for some time. However I cannot see myself bringing my daughter to take your daughter to work day at a rip club. I guess some dreams just were not meant to come true.

- Going on another spring break with the boys. I have had the pleasure to go on a couple of awesome spring breaks, I have done Panama City, Fort Meyers Beach, Houston, Cancun. During our last trip we discussed getting together one last time for an epic spring break. Well the next time I see myself going on a vacation will most likely be Disney land with the family. Sorry boys, but we should have planned it for this spring, because I have the next 25 years or so booked.

- Two chicks at the same time. I should put an asterisk next to this one because the chances of this happening at all were slim. The chances of this happening now that I have a girl friend I love very much, and I child due to join us in August, and those slim chances are probably cut in thirds. If you throw in the fact that penis looks like a grub worm wearing a turtle neck then I would say the chances are grave at best. Damn it. I am hoping my girlfriend will make a Larry Davidesque pack with me and on our 10 year anniversary she allows me to bring another woman to bed. I will let you know.

So those are five things that I am saying fuck it to, just wasn't meant to be, life is too short. Now it is time for you to give me your "fuck it" list.

Humpday: Kaley Cuoco

You may recognize her as John Ritter's daughter in 8 Simple Rules, and she is also in the TV show Big Bang Theory, that I have yet to see. I don't really watch network television, but if they keep landing lead females, like Kaley and Hayden then I may change my tune. Enjoy!!!

Whitmore will be in Milwaukee, come hell or high water.

A couple of months back, I posted about a great experience traveling to Iowa City with a good friend to see a home-state performance of a budding deep blues hero named William Elliott Whitmore. He's been at it for quite a while, so I was a little late catching on. Anyway, it seems like a few more folks should be catching on, as William will return from the European leg of his current tour and play some more shows in the good ol' US of A, not to mention a little stop at Stonefly Brewery in Milwaukee on May 16, 2009.

Perhaps some of you young punks will catch him in rotation on that new-fangled mtvU. They are running the video for what is probably my favorite song of Will's.

Hell or High Water

Introducing the Shii - the Wii for her.

Finally, a product that will allow women to entertain themselves while also developing their most important life skills.

Caption Contest

Well it is hard for me to pick a winner. Gruny I am bit dissapointed, you have done better in the past. Maybe a "Since Browne can no longer see his junk below his stomach, he did the next best thing and got one tattoed on..." would have been better. I think Beth took home the trophy, as i didnt know whether to laugh or look her up and throw a snowball in her face. Anyways I like where this is going. So good luck to everyone this week!

Snakes on a Muthafucking Plane!

After the movie I am suprised these pesky reptiles are even allowed on a flight, but apparently a few got loose on an Australian plane. Thank god nobody died.
Link

Thank God for Youtube Volume #2

Seth McClung teaches his son to dance, hilarity ensues.



Thanks Kempf, this is why we need you posting again, coming with the ish!

Breaking News!

I found this on my brother's facebook wall, I could not agree more with the panel. It only furthers my theory that the female orgasm is a myth.

Wilco will love you, baby

Well, apparently last night was a live music holiday. While the youngsters were at Lyrics Born in Madtown, I was enjoying an amazing show from Wilco, their first show of the 2009 tour and their first of two back-to-back shows at the amazing and intimate Pabst Theater in downtown Milwaukee.

If you haven't been to the Pabst, go see a show - any show - there. It is an amazing venue with incredible acoustics and it is truly beautiful to look at. We sat in the third level (The Gallery) and looked down on Wilco the way German-Americans looked down on Wagner's operas from that same spot in 1895. (I snapped the photo at the top of this post.) It is a National Historic Landmark and a favorite of many artists, including Wilco, who chose to perform two insta-sold-out shows at the intimate, 1300 seat theater, rather than cashing in on a much larger venue. (Wilco has easily sold out the 3200 capacity Eagles Ballroom in the past and has had overflowing, enormous crowds for Summerfest shows on the "free stages.") Here is a nice stock photo of the Pabst:



As for the show itself, it was my birthday gift to myself and I couldn't have asked for anything better. For anyone who truly appreciates good music played by good musicians with a genuine sentiment, Wilco can't be beat. I saw Wilco for the first time at the Barrymore Theater in Madison in February 1997, and I've probably seen them about a dozen times since then. This was easily one of their best shows that I've seen, and it sounded better than ever in the caring hands of the Pabst. They've all but abandoned the rootsy rock that drew me to them in the '90s, but the new stuff is just plain better. Plus, you know, $3 silos of Pabst at the Pabst. All in all, a great time.

I'll leave the detailed concert reviewing to the experts. Here's the review from The Decider, the Onion's culture section.

Lyrics Born

Last night my roommate and I went to see Lyrics Born in action at the Majestic. A few things I can no longer go out during the weeks at least not that late as I am hurting this morning, for the first time I am starting to feel old by the way. LB tore it up, this was the first time I have seen him in concert and loved him. Even though the Majestic has terrible acoustics. Not a great place to see any show especially a hip hop show. Anyways LB is one of the most creative artists out there. He often uses live bands in his songs and combines it with a little funk, and as you can tell from the two songs below, he has a sound and style all to his own. Here is to original music!

Confusing Headlines

Can someone please explain this to me?

Gay Fish

Last week my favorite show did a parody on my least favorite rapper. South Park ripped Kanye West a new asshole and it could not have been funnier. I wont even try to explain the plot, but it basically bashes Kanye's love of himself, his belief that he is the next pop star in this country, and the fact that he cannot sing a lick. So yeah they completely ripped him apart. I could not be happier as I think it served a little humble pie to his most admiring fans as well as a little to himself. I have linked a clip to the episode as well as a link to the song that the parody at the end of the episode. The song does not do this episode justice take 20 minutes and watch this. If you are a Kanye hater like I am you will not be disappointed.


Kanye's Response


Watch Full Episode

Opening Day 2009

Hopefully, a good number of our readers - as well as C$$ - will share their opening day experiences.

It was a cold and windy day, but at least it was dry. I started off the day by sitting in dead-stopped traffic on Blue Mound Rd. from 10:20 until about 10:45, at which time the geniuses that run Miller Park finally were instructed by the police to open the gates so the City could start moving again. Fortunately, I had a couple of beers during that time. It's not really drinking and driving if your car isn't running, right?

I hadn't done opening day in several years, and I was much, much older this time around. I started off tailgating with a group of other old dudes, the guys in my 20-game pack crew. These old bastards like to tailgate in the Siberian lot, the Giants lot that is North of 94. (For our female readers and others who are directionally challenged, this is the isolated lot across the interstate from where Miller Park is located.) This lot sucks raging donkey balls because it is a 15-minute walk from the park as well as all other tailgate areas you might want to visit, but old people like it because it easy to get back on the freeway heading West. Yes, they like tailgating there because it's easier to go home earlier. Seriously.

I did a fair job of getting drunk with those old guys between 10:30 and 1:30. The bathroom situation in Siberia was worse than ever, 30 minute lines to use crappy portas. At one point, JP and I finally followed the crowd of miscreants and headed up the hill into the woods to piss behind a tree. Believe me, the bare branches of early Spring do not provide the same level of cover as the late Summer leaf canopy. A couple of bike cops rolled up in short order, just as JP and I were coming back down the hill. The cops hadn't actually seen us pissing, so they let us pass and focused their attention over our shoulders up the hill to the several cocks hanging out in plain sight. I was able to get a chuckle out of one of the pigs by saying, "Good morning, officer. We weren't urinating in public like those other dudes, we just hiked up the hill to make out." On the way down the hill, I snapped this photo of the Siberian festivities.



By 1:30, I had drunk myself young enough to tell the old guys to go fuck themselves and wander over to the jungle in search of the elusive Silverback. With the use of GPS and texting technology, I found Silver proudly demonstrating a piss-bucket contraption that I won't even attempt to describe. Perhaps, he will fill us in. By this time it was only about an hour before game time, but I managed to rip about 6 cups from the keg during that hour. When there's a piss bucket nearby, you can drink with confidence.

At Silver's party, I also connected with C$$ and stood in awe at his sausage-like fingers. I was tempted to press his hands to the grill and grab the mustard. Looking forward to hearing his update about the party sponsored by the beer that shall not be named in this thread. It was good to catch up with family, as Cousin Curt was on the scene. I saw Giegel at the tailgate, but it turns out it was Gruny. I'm not sure which of those fucking doppelgangers deserve an apology for the fact that I always think Gruny is Giegel, but I might as well say I'm sorry to both of you.

At this point, I was good and drunk, so I headed into the game and actually saw the first pitch. I don't remember that much about the game, except that Captain Destruction - my alter ego - made an appearance at some point. A pair of sunglasses was destroyed into small bits. Apparently, it just wasn't sunny enough inside the closed roof to tolerate shades. My homey Mike T. modeled the redesigned shades for the camera.



Also, apologies to Beve for destroying his jeans. Apparently, Captain Destruction felt that Beve's "Jovi-jeans" with the ripped knee required some touching up. Let's just say he was showing more than a little thigh by the eighth inning. Miraculously, I won about $35 playing dollar games, as my batters hit two home runs clearing the pot.

After a few hours of beer-less recovery time, I headed home and "fell asleep" on the couch while my wife watched a movie, but only after I brushed my son's 6 little teeth and told him everything I could remember about the game. All in all, a really good day. Beats the office.

Caption Contest

Try something a little different this week. Lets see what type of comments this garners...

"Mark, why do you have that crazy look in your eye!?"

YOGA Goes Deep!!!

Are you effin me Yovani jerks off 3 run walk off homer!!!!! When they walked Kendel to get to Yoga, I was thinking to myself he can hit and might very well make them pay for that, BAM BUKAKE all over Randy Johnsons lizard face. Yoga is starting to settle down nicely after a tough 1st inning.
I am going to the game friday. If anyone is going let me know, meet up for a brewski. I am leaving at 9:30am.
Go Crew!

I'll see your Segway and raise you!!

Perhaps you don't know that my cousin Matt is painfully obsessed with Segways - the two-wheeled, motorized personal transportation devices - and their bold promise of eliminating human footsteps.

Well, Matt, what do you get when you combine Segway technology with a failing U.S. car company teetering on the brink of bankruptcy?

I give you PUMA - Personal Urban Mobility and Accessiblity. It's a two wheeled Segway made in partnership with General Motors and large enough for 2 passengers with a top speed of 35 mph and a lithium-ion battery with a 35 mile charge life. What's more, they claim it is a smart-car that can be logged into a computer network that will allow it to drive itself, interact with and avoid other vehicles in the process. Yes, folks, within 3 weeks or so, we will all be sitting in our PUMAs and texting our homeys while our commutes go oh-so-smoothly, cleanly and cheaply, all automatic.

Deal with it.

(No word on whether the vehicle will come equipped with the techno-porn music in this video. However, if it does, I will totally put the PUMA on autopilot and bone you to this jam.)

It's a Girl!

As many of you know, my girlfriend and I, are expecting. Today after our 20 week exam and ultrasound we found out that we are going to have a baby girl. Jenny and I both thought we were going to be having a girl so I was looking forward to this announcement very much. For her sake I hope she looks like mom and not dad. I am just going to put this warning out there to any interested gentleman callers, she will not be dating until she is at least 16, and even then she may have to do that in my company! If my girlfriend will ever give up the disc with the ultrasound photos I will try and post some pics. She was not being the most cooperative for the ultra sound but there were some very good pics of her face, and her little hands, and feet.

For the first 20 weeks of this pregnancy I have yet to feel like a dad. I haven't really had to change what I typically do. Jenny has had to watch what she eats, give up drinking and smoking, and carry a baby inside her. I have basically just tried to make things easy on her, but other than that nothing has changed. Today however I feel like a father for the first time, and that is one of the best feelings a man can have. To say Jenny and I are excited, would be an understatement. In fact the only person more excited than I am today, is my mother, who finally gets the daughter she always wanted.

Its Finally Friday, and I Think I Just Jizzed in My Pants

Sorry I know I have posted this before, but I cannot get enough.

Caption Contest

Not many people posted on last weeks, but I think Gruny stole the show as he often does. Should have went into journalism iGrunes. Anyways good luck on this weeks.

Humpday: Diora Baird

I have posted a lot of beautiful women on the blog, but I am not sure any can touch Diora. This is based on one fact, her breasts are perfect. I am not usually a breast man, but how can you not be looking at these. For you pervs there are some great NSFW pics on the internet that I suggest you try and find.