Say It Aint So Coach

My cousin Tim and I got into this hilarious email debate on Wednesday only lord knows what about, but if I recall it was a debate about my favorite team is better than yours, and Duke sucks! Anyways my cousin was laying into me hard that Coach K is a punk, he is liked because he coaches duke, and everyone should quit sucking his dick. Well TK, as you know that argument went no where, but I do have these videos of these idiot coaches and I contend I would rather have the coach of my team do an American Express commercial instead of getting caught on tape getting a DUI or shooting somebody Dove hunting.

HARD-ON Bucky vs Duke!

Dickie V, I share a raging clue with you tonight. I cant remember the last time I have been this excited for a college basketball game. The two best teams and best coaches in college basketball square off tonight, and creamin the jeans at the very thought of it. It is really setting up to be a great game to, with both teams coming off preseason tournament wins, although Duke probably has the better resume early on. Both of these teams look like top 20 teams in the country and lets face it, in this landscape of college basketball teams, any of the top 50 teams can beat eachother on a given night. With this game being in Cameron I give the slight edge to Duke although my allegiance will be with Bo and Bucky. I really look at this is win-win for me as they are both great schools, with great traditions. I am really looking forward to seeing the cameron faithful getting on Brian "Butch tits", and hopefully seeing Landy throw something sick down as we will be getting a lot of people watching this game tonight, and I am so sick of hearing how unathletic badger teams are. Yeah we have a couple of big white stiffs, but we have some ballas too. Anyways dont try and contact me or reach me from 8-11 tonight, I will be busy.

Only Known Photo of Geigle Kicking My Ass!

Geigle it looks like you knocked out one of my teeth right in the front there. Man, what an evening, and I love the bag of frozen peas with the high life. My dad would be so proud, and to think he thought i got the black eye from football.

However This is Hilarious

The Film Drunk also had a link to one of my favorite SNL clips of all time. This is too good.

SNL- Satan the Songwriter

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Decent Video

Got this over at Film Drunk and it is a short that was posted on Will Ferrells website. Nothing great buy funny nonetheless.

Movie Review: No Country For Old Men

Let me start out by saying that I will be going to see this movie again real soon, it was that captivating to me and I feel like even though this movie was fresh in my brain I feel like I need to see it again to get more out of it. This is Coen Brothers movie so I have very high expectations and this movie filled all of them. It is based on a novel and i can best describe it as a story of a two men, one the hunter the other the hunted and there relationship with one another, as well as look inside each of these characters. I know that is a poor description, but I have never seen a movie anything like this before and I dont really know how to describe it. I can say this movie played just like reading a book and didnt follow the formula we see played out with some many suspense movies these days. They were able to make this very intense thriller, without needing any tricks. As far as a script goes the Coen Bros are pretty much the best in the business. This script is brilliant as it delivers a powerful message without the need for pointless dialogues. What is great about a movie playing out like a novel is that the viewer can take much more movie like that. For instance the subtle use of symbolism and great imagery really give you a feel that this movie should not just be taken for its literall meaning. Like any really good book this movie is much more of a character study than a story, and the story is only used to better examine each of the great characters.

This is in my opinio where this movie really excels and probably should be considered as academy worthy. What wonderful characters, I have no doubts that many people could have been good in these roles, but the Coen bros choices were perfect. Javier Bardem, a rising Spanish actor, was absolutly chilling in his role as Anton Chigurh, a hit man for hire, who has turned his attention on collecting 2 million dollars that has become missing from a drug scene massacre. Bardem, is wonderful and should see an academy nomination for this role. James Brolin, who is also in American Gangster, plays the role of Llewelyn Moss, the man who finds the 2 million dollars and though he doesnt want to get involved he sees this as his one opportunity to make it big in america. Watching Brolin square off against Bardem is some truly suspenseful scenes is the highlight of this movie to me. Tommy Lee Jones plays the character of a local sheriff trying to find Brolin and offer him protection. Jones can be heard as part narrator in this film, and his monologue at the beginning sets the tone for this wonderful movie. All three are excellent in this film.

This movie is in my top 5 films of the year, and like I said I will be seeing it again soon. It is a wonderful look at the indecency of man, and a look at the sometimes horrific nature of mankind. It redefines suspense in American Cinema, and I consider this the best movie the Coen Brothers have ever made. That is saying a lot from the man the brought us Fargo and the Big Lebowski.

Weekend Review

A little look back at the Holiday weekend, one that needed to be about two days longer.

- Parents addition is finished and all I can say is wow! Movin on up, 56" tv, dish, wtf mom and dad? Oh the farmer five is no longer cutting it???

- The night before thanksgiving again does not dissapoint. Though I came up empty on stuffing the proverbial turkey. I did get really wasted. Watching Curt trying to not get shut out was truly priceless. Woke up in a freezing cold basement cock in hand which sucked.

- Thanksgiving with the Browne family this year, I have to say this is almost the exact opposite of the Mulhern family get togethers. The Browne side is all about the love of the family and almost every single person is college educated. The Mulhern family, what time is the game on and where do you keep the beers. Needless to say I fit into both camps quite well.

- It is really hard to get people to go out after thanksgiving, ended up drinking alone and enjoying some of the White Widow i picked up on the eve of thanksgiving.

- Friday night was crazy, not sure how i did not puke as the wild turkey shots were flowing. My apologies to the tripod for spending most of Saturday afternoon on the couch. I was really really hungover. Low light of the night for me was definately buying a pizza at bar time only to have Rum steal it from me, tell me he is going to be at the A ba,r and then not showing up. Rum the pizza would have went great with all those bong rips!

- Saturday, Sage Francis wore a bucky sweatshirt on stage and had the mainly emo crowd rocking. Great show, with reasonable drinks, though drinking whisky at 830 in the evening often has a negative effect.

- Randomly ran into this girl that Mark is trying to hook me up with and she recognized me from my picture I gave Mark to give to her. We shared some drinks and a few laughs and I thought things went really well as I was pretty friendly from the all the whicky. Sounds like she is interested in meeting up again. Crazy side note is my roommate noel stole a dwight schrute bobble head from this girl last year, and she sent him a hilarious myspace message about corn holing him. Noel I have to thank you for that as it was quite the ice breaker for me to be able to talk badly about you.

- Sunday funday with another smorgasm of food. Jake big ups on the Chili, man I love me some Chili. Not to mention a big fantasy victory over Jake. I control my own destiny to make the playoffs one win and im in.

Suckeran-Suckatash

Well it is late in the week, I have been dreading this humiliating post, but here er' goes. I didn't get shit opening weekend, barely even saw anything to get a boner over. So I will be going this weekend again. hopefully my luck will change and I can lay to rest a beauty. So in the words of Joe Kane from "The Program"..."Let's put the woman and children to bed and go looking for some dinner!"

Vote For Me or Get a Roundhouse Kick to The Dome

I can only imagine the cool campaign videos Arnold will have if he ever gets his wish to run for President. I know nothing about the Republican Canidate Mike Huckabee. I believe he was the governor down South maybe in Alabama or Arkansas. Although I intended to keep DWI neutral in the upcoming presidential race, i didnt see this coming. Mike, Im behind you 100% buddy!

This Probably Interests Few

But the Supreme Court has decided to grant cert on a delicate little topic none as the second amendment. As we now have a fire arm in the house, a bad ass, Vincent Vega, hand cannon to be exact, this now crosses over to us a bit. I have always been pretty neutral on the right to bare arms, as I live in a small town and never felt the need, but I do love constitutional interepretation.

Link

Weekend Recap

Things I learned from this weekend:

- I am the Derrick Turnbow of the Pimp game, great job at setting up, but i cannot close.

- Slapping your friends in the face never is a good thing, slapping them 4 times in the face will get your ass knocked out!

- Seeing the girl of your dreams while making out with some freaky bar rat cannot help you possibly getting with that girl of your dreams.

- Dont try and kiss your ex girlfriend when you have a clear hicky on your kneck. Rookie mistake, but who gives hicky's.

- If you dont have ice a bag of frozen peas works just as well.

- Dollar beers at the Ghaus is the best drink special ever.

- The fact the Badger football team can win 10 games and play on New Years is hard to fathom.

- Chinese buffets are like making love to me, nobody leaves satisfied.

- Still trying to figure out how a half a plate of mussels costed me $120.

- What is the point on trying to get to heaven if none of your friends are going to be there with you?

Good Luck

Well I am going Gun hunting this weekend hoping to wrastle down a big boy! If it goes anything like previous years, I will get pretty wasted tonight wake up in the morning go freeze my ass off, then miss several deer along the way. I am not sure if I am a bad shot or not, I have killed deer before (always tiny ones) So I dont know. What I do know is that last year I missed the biggest deer these lazy eyes have ever seen, TWICE. Same deer two different occasions about 20 minutes apart. It was disgracefull I have been ashamed of myself ever since. So anyway yeah I am going hunting this weekend if I get anything rest assure I will post the biggest picture of a hunter hugging his deer's antlers ever to be posted to the internet, right here on DWI. In the mean time enjoy this picture of me catching you starring at this huge deer on the internet. Good Luck ass holes dont shoot your eye out!
C-Weed

Crazy Shit Bat

The other day I was reading The Bachelor Guy blog, he has talking about Swansons new Hungry Man Breakfast meals he described them as "...Hungry-Man meals have just gone full-blown bat-shit crazy." So I am thinking to myself fuck these things have got to be all sorts of insane. But then I realized the descriptive term "bat shit crazy" makes just about anything sound like the most fucked up shit ever. I can't explain it, but every time I hear "bat shit crazy" I think to myself "wow that had to be something else" or "note to self bums are never to be trusted especially on April 1st." So I have been pondering this phenomenon for a few days now. I have tried to substitute "bat" with other animals..."elephant" no, "giraffe" no, "cockatoo" maybe. I don't know it is beyond me, but I really seem to like it. I don't think there is a better describing phrase for complete and utter fucking chaos. Maybe I am retarded too...

Movie Review: American Gangster

I would like to start this review by saying liked this movie, even though my review may knock it down a peg or two. The movie is about, a young, african american, criminal, from the south, who learned crime while working for a big time gangster in NY. WHen his boss dies, Frank Lucas (Denzel), sees his opportunity amongst the the power struggle that is beginning with the cities bosses. Frank decides that if he can control the drug trade, he can control the city. He goes to Asia, to directly purchase the drugs in a purer form. By cutting out the middlemen he can sell better heroin for a cheaper price. We also get to follow the one last honest cop in the city Richie (Russell Crowe) as he devotes his life to stopping the drug problem in the city...whew...

OK, that is the quick version of the plot line. Let me tell you first that Denzel has this powerful, confident man thing down to a tee. We have seen a similar character in the award winning Malcolm X. Just like many other gangster movies they try and show different sides of the character but then remind you every 30 minutes or so how ruthless this guy can be. Personally I have seen everyone of these gangster movies and this follows much of the same script. Denzel is very good, just know that this is the Denzel version of Frank Lucas, which is similar to the Denzel version of the cop in Training Day. He just doesnt seem to change with character to character the way say a Tom Hanks can. I am not really faulting him for this because he is good at what he does, I just would like him to me more personable to each role. That is really nitpicking because he is believable in this role, and Russell Crowe is very good as his life is crumbling around him. I cannot tell if I am a big fan of him or not because he usually does movies with Directors I dont really care for like this one with Ridley Scott. He seems to be really good at getting into character and making each his own, which you can tell i like, but I wouldnt consider him one of the best in the biz. Anyways I actually think Scott does a good job in directing this movie. It is a 70s period piece and I thought he gave it a real dark and gloomy look, much like what I feel like NY looked like post Vietnam. I enjoyed the look and feel quite a bit. One thing that really bothered me is besides the two main characters, every other character in the movie seemed to be ignored. When Frank rises to power they show him call his family from the south to come work for him. He gave these brothers and cousins prominent roles in the business and they were even a big part of his demise, yet you learn little about them besides a name. Take Goodfellas or Scarface the two measuring sticks when it comes to Gangster movies in the last 25 years and I think both of these movies do a wonderful job of developing many characters that you really like. The Sopranos did this even better. Scott instead focuses on just pushing ahead with the story and showing random acts of violence, that in the end I dont care if this guy gets killed, or this guy gets busted. He puts the focus on two distinct characters, and I dont think that works as well in this type of movie. Another thing I question is the historical accuracy of this movie. I dont know exactly what is true or what is false, but you get a feeling when you walk out that very little is true, and they kind of twist so nobody gets hurt in the end. Maybe this was just me. I know it seems like I ripped this movie, but I did enjoy it. The overall theme of how the effects on corruption from within the crime circles, to the police department, all the way up the ladder was intriguing. I enjoyed how this movie looked very. Lastly I enjoyed the performances for Crowe and Denzel, I just wish Denzel would do some things to make each of his characters different because they really feel like the same one with his mannurisms and they way he can show a powerful chilling confidence. Go see it but dont expect to be blown away.

Humpday: Elizabeth Banks

This hotty can be seen in a plethora of movies and TV shows right now. My favorite being Wet Hot American Summer, 40 Year Old Virgin, and Invicible (Which is very underrated and is probably my favorite Disney movie since Sandlot). You can also see her in Spiderman 2 and 3, Scrubs, Seabisquit, and Slither. Lets just say with her looks and no apperant drug problems she should have no problem finding work in the biz. Enjoy!

Big Ups!

I just got news that one of my good buddies, Shawn Korth, just made first team All-Conference in the WIAC, one of best conferences in all of division III football. This may not seem like an accomplishment the nets praise from D.W.I. but I just know how much hard work he had to put in to make it at the next level. Starting out as a 165 lb. freshman, I for one didn't give Shawn much of a shot at really contributing over the course of his career. Korth, much like he did in high school, when he led the state in rushing as a senior, proved me wrong and went on to be a leader and one of his teams best players. I cant speak for everyone Shawn, but I am very proud of you, you represented yourself, and all those that are trying to live vicariously through you back at home extremely well. I am sure this success is one of many along the way. If it is not I just hope you can cash this in to some of that WIAC poon that you have been telling me about. DIII jersey chasers where you at?

Can I Please Get a Muthafuckin Moment of Silence...

Yes 32 years ago today, ok Saturday, 29 poor souls ended up in the bottom of Lake Superior. If they only knewsd that one of the best songs ever would be the tribute for there lives. I guess the only way the memorial could have gone any better for me is if some one else was giving me an edmund fitz on Saturday.

Weekend Preview

It has been a very long time since i have been able to say this, but I dont have any plans for the weekend. Or at least nothing set in stone. I feel like I have been all over the state in recent weeks, pretty much just partying it up, but I havent slept in my bed on a weekend in over a month, so I am pretty excited about not having anything on the dockett. Tonight I think I am meeting up with a friend for some drinks after work, but then I plan on going home, throwing on my fat suit (sweat pants wife-b) and laying on the couch. I have a lot of DVR to catch up on including 3 offices, 2 south parks, the first half of last weeks nip/tuck, and the Badgers second exhibition game against UW-EC. Throw in a couple pounds of Lo Mein noodles and it sounds like quite the wonderful evening. Tommorow, I hope I can talk some people into going downtown with me for the last Badger home game. Big game against Michy, so there should be a good crowd out before and after the game. I wish I could say for sure what i will be doing after it, but as you very well may know that an 11 oclock start means there is a good chance I will be puking in the back seat of cop car by dinner time. Sunday I have to help the rents move back into there house. They put on an addition and have furniture scattered throughout the house, they need my brawn to help put everything back together. I want to say that like everyone else, I hate moving shit, but i really hate it when I am hung over, and my mom is cracking the proverbial whip on me. The sooner I can get the hell out of there the better. Plan on spending the rest of day hopefully where the weekend started on the couch with my favorite piece, watching football, and hopefully telling stories of the whale I harpooned the evening before. I should have an update on monday.

Slump Day

So we missed hump day once again, and ten cents a day can feed one Ethiopian child for a year. Big fucking deal. Shit happens so for all you boo hoo'ers and nay sayers I am posting one of the most unusual looking human specimens on the face of the earth. A long time ago when Ashton Kutcher wasn't helping Demi clean the cob webs from 50 something tampon holster. Bruce and Demi had a child. Which to the worlds surprise it was no where near the level of perfectness it was supposed to be. It turned out like a Conan O'Brian skit "If the made it" Well they did make it and what a disaster. I am not saying my chiseled features are to be desired but, fuck!

Security Tapes Released!

Not sure if you guys remember from a few weeks back when I wrote my first ever weekend recap. Well if you haven't, before you watch this horrific security footage go back and read it, so that your up to speed. Well what I didn't tell you guys was that I caught a pretty vicious beat down in the parking lot the next morning from a group of black dudes that I was battle dancing against. Harper released the security tapes, I thought I would share them with our loyal readers. If you are weak stomached I wouldnt watch! There is a lot of serious trash talking and like thirteen cans of whoop ass being opened up on my face so consider yourself warned.


oh and yeah i do look a little bit like the older brother from Mr. Belvadeer i was pretty hungover, my eyes were pretty blood shot. I have since recovered.

College Basketball Preview Part II

SEC

Winner- Tennessee
Coach Bruce Pearl has brought his fun and gun style from my Alma Mater down to Nashville and this year he has the athletes to compete for a #1 seed in the tournament. With Chris Lofton Pearl has a shooter that can stretch the defense and allow the Vols to get into there pressure defense. Transfer Tyler Smith from Iowa, had an impressive first year with the Hawkeyes, and when he becomes eligible in December this is going to be a very difficult matchup for anyone.

Player of the Year- Chris Lofton (Tennessee)
Arguably the best shooter in college basketball, Lofton decided to return for his senior season. Although scoring is what he does best, he also became more of a complete player last year. With the Smith’s (Tyler, JaJuan, and Ramar) taking some of the scoring burden as well as forcing teams to play Lofton honest, he is primed to be a 1st team All-American.

Freshman of the Year- Alex Legion (Kentucky)
Legion, was once a Michigan recruit, but when Amaker was shown the door he decided he would come south and play for the Billy Gillespie. Legion doenst have to worry about getting his body ready to play at this level he is already built for the NBA. He also has an NBA ready jumpshot. If fellow Freshman Patrick Patterson, can have a presence inside, Legion should could plenty of open looks.

Pac-10

Winner- UCLA
Ben Howland has quietly returned the Bruins to a National title contender every year. This year should be no different and could possible be the most talented team he has ever had. There front court is loaded with Richard Mbah a Moute and Freshman Kevin Love UCLA has one of the best frontlines in the country. Throw in All-Conference point guard Darren Collison and talented wings Josh Ship and Mike Roll and this team has much balance as any team. The key will be staying injury free which has been a problem for this team. If they do stay healthy look for a 3rd straight final four appearance.

Player of the Year- O.J. Mayo (USC)
This was a difficult decision as there are many players talented enough to win this award including Derrick Low, Chase Budinger, Collison, Devon Hardin and fellow Freshman Love. However I see Mayo having a Kevin Durant type impact on this conference keeping USC in the thick of the conference race. Certainly he comes in with more hype than any Freshman possible ever, but he has the complete game to back it up. If USC can finish 1,2,3 in the conference Mayo will be the reason, and he will put up the numbers that will win him this award.

Freshman of the Year- Kevin Love (UCLA)
I could have given Mayo both awards, but I wanted to mention Kevin Love, who is just as talented as his classmate Mayo. Love is being heralded the most skilled big man to come into the college game since Bill Walton, and I cannot wait to get to see him play in some meaningful games. Love has a skillset that would fit well with any team, but surround him with a bunch of quality players like UCLA has and he could very well lead his team to a National Championship as a Freshman.

Conference USA

Winner- Memphis
The Tigers return almost everyone from the regional final team a year ago. The also add possible the top ranked freshman in the country in Derrick Rose. I don’t see them just winning this conference I don’t see them losing in conference. Coach John Calipari, thought he could compete for National Championships in Conference USA and this year he will get his chance to prove that. Rose, Chris Douglass Roberts, Joey Dorsey, and Antonio Anderson, lead this deep, talented roster that will give anyone fits.

Player of the Year- Chris Douglas Roberts
I could pick anyone of the fore mentioned players to be the player of the year in the conference as that is how dominant Memphis will be over the rest of the conference. However I will pick Roberts as he is the elder statesman of that team. Roberts is a silky smooth wing, that can get his shot whenever he wants, and his length leads to a lot of chances in the open floor. With a gifted playmaker like Rose next to him he should only get better.

Freshman of the Year- Derrick Rose
Surprise, surprise, Memphis has swept all the awards. Derrick Rose may be the best Freshman in the country and that is saying something in this loaded class. He reminds many of a young Jason Kidd, but he has a much better scoring prowess than Kidd did at the same age. Rose can do it all and he is a winner, expect when final four trip, and then hearing his name called in the first five picks of the NBA draft.

Final Four Picks
North Carolina
UCLA
Memphis
Tennessee

All American First Team
Tyler Hansborough- F
Chris Douglas Roberts- F
Roy Hibbert- C
Chris Lofton- G
Darren Collison- G

All American Second Team
Micheal Beasley- F
Brandon Rush- F
Devon Hardin- C
O.J. Mayo- G
Drew Neitzel- G

All Freshman Team
Micheal Beasley- F
Kevin Love- F
DeAndre Jordan- C
O.J. Mayo- G
Derrick Rose- G

What the Hell Do You Know

Friday Tidbits

- I know that there is nothing worse than a cold toilet seat in the morning, except sitting on a warm one, taking a deep breath, and inhaling the worst scent you have ever smelled.

- I know that the same reason I do not have a subscription to Mens Health is the same reason I dont own a bible, I dont believe in it.

- I know that there has to be some family other than the Bush and Clinton's that can run this country, but I am afraid nobody knows who.

- I know the Badgers havent lost in Columbus against the Buckeyes since Oct 12th 1996, a game in which I was at.

- I know I will be attending this years game in Columbus tommorow.

- I know that the older I get the more likely I am to quit something I am not good at.

- I know that I am not ashamed to call Halo 3 the best video game ever, and losing to little kids all the time is crushing my ego.

- I know the best analogy for not getting any ass is a drought or a slump, well I feel like Bob Uecker crossing the fucking Sahara.

- I know it took me 24 years to learn to roll a joint, and now it is something I am most proud of.

DWI

Amazing Finish

Im sure by now everyone has already seen this, but I will post this amazing finish to a division 3 football game anyways. This is crazy.