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Weekend

It has been a quiet week on the blog mainly because I have been very busy at work. This weekend, should be fun. I have my buddy Brandon's bachelor party on Saturday and this is my first opportunity to go paintballing. I have always worried about going because I would be the biggest target, and most of friends would love the opportunity to inflict pain on to me. However this weekend I will be with probably 4 or 5 guys bigger than me so I wont be such an easy target, well I will but I will also have someone to pick on. I would like to let everyone know that I feel like my many years of watching Seagall, Norris, and Schwartzenager rip shit up has me trained and ready to go to war. I can only hope my training has turned me into the warrier that I feel like. After the war games, we are going to a bar in waterloo which I guess has been rented for the day. Sounds like drinking starts around 2 with plenty of gambling and rumors that a few exoctic dancers may be visiting. Lets hope we dont get one with a bum wheel, as painful and gutty as her performance on stage was, it was equally painful for all of us having to give her a dollar out of guilt. Sunday I will be checking out a hot tub for the pad. Yes I know hot tub's are stereotypical bachelor pad items, yet growing up we always had one and I really miss its benefits. My thought is buying a hot tub may inspire me into getting the patio, or a spot for the hot tub, finished. Though that seems highly unlikely with what I like to call "training camp" or my six week binge drinking routine that always seems to coincide with going back to school, or in my case preparing myself for Badger gamedays. I felt like last year I just did not get enough training, and I know a few of my readers can attest to that. Well I would just like to reiterate, I am well aware of my personal tailgate failures last year which included: Puking in my cousins ride (all over his leather mind you), passing out in front of Brats, or getting caught urinating in public. This year I am going to be on top of my game ready for whatever craziness Madtown, GB, Columbus Ohio, have to offer (wouldnt it be great to add a Brewer playoff game tailgate to that mix). As a little weekend sign of I leave you with this WATCH THE VOLUME!!!

Humpday: Weekend Junkie Addition

3 on 3 Tournament Review

Well this weekend we had our first annual White Men Cant Jump 3 on 3 Basketball Tournament at my house. It went without a hitch. I think everyone had a good time and more importantly nobody got hurt. The Revolution: Jake Schaub, Max Koch, Matt Noel, and I won the championship, winning 4 games in a row. The only team without a loss, and the only team without two losses for that matter. I think we suprised many with our teamwork and ability to play regardless to how many beers we drank during the course of the day. Specail Props to C$$$$, aka C-Weed, aka my cousin Craig. Always the character, shrewd commentary added a wonderful element to the tourney. In fact C$$$ single handily kept everyone's interest when the basketball was getting old. Yes the tournament went well, but my house was absolutely destroyed, when i awoke at 2 oclock on Sunday it looked as if a pack of wild jackals had made there way into my home. That along with barely making our money back is making me think twice about holding this event again, but it was a lot of fun, maybe we will just find a new site to hold the event so we can have more teams, and less of my house getting fucked up. Anyway here is a tournament recap.

The Young Guns
Had to finish the tourney with only two players, due to an undisclosed injury. There youth showed as they were quickly sent home. Though I believe they were winning when the injury hit (I think all teams will have at least 4 guys next year).

Ballz Deep
Never really found there range on the short hoop. The other team not to win a game in the tourney. Also, Scott Gordon, did get dunked on hard, by me in game one. This team had the heart, they just lacked a go-to scorer, better look next year.

Triple Threat
The self proclaimed favorite heading into the tournament, looked that way in there dominant performance in game one. However the wheels quickly fell eerily reminiscent of the Regional Final game against Lomira. They did have the default winner of the Slam Dunk Championship. Ryan "Big Pony" Powell made sure he attempted at least 20 dunks in between games. Too bad it wasnt enough as this team wins the biggest dissapointment award.

Skillz that Killz
I heard rumors all week that this team was going to dominate. They had a well balanced team led by Malibu 3.0 and his wicked jumper. They played very well giving us our toughest test of the tournament. However they ran into two much beef in there matchup against The Magic Nugget Pouches, costing them a shot at getting into the money.

Magic Nugget Pouches
Another team that I thought had what it took to win it all, with there well balanced roster. They lost there first game when they were short handed, and the excuses rained down. They came back to win there next two games, and were skying high, until the buzz saw know as the Albino Assassin knocked them out of the tournament. I warned you guys, get him before the sun goes down.

Badger Rejects
After losing early in the tourney the Rejects, pulled together and ended up winning the loser bracket. Lead by tournament MVP Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker. Once he heated up, there was nobody in the tourney who could stop him. It was a brilliant effort but in the end, he didnt have enough help.

The Revolution
Were not overly impressive in any of there wins, but then again really didnt have to be. Just handled there business. The Revolution, had a 4 guys who all contributed to the W, and played a pretty style of basketball. I heard a lot of grumblings that the best team did not win, however win you dont lose a game over the course of the entire day, its awfully hard to say that. We will be back defending our crown next year.

All-Tournament Team

Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker (MVP)
In the early goings of the tournament, when the sun was blazing down, The Assassin was having a rough go of it. Once the shade hit the court, look out as he single handedly lead his team out of the losers bracket.

Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
Was a beast in the paint and no one ever really slowed him down. The matchup between Packard and Malibu 3.0 was the best of the tournament. Two bigs with contrasting styles going toe to toe. Packard, also threw down two of the nastiest dunks of the tournament.

Malibou 3.0 Mike Jonely
The tallest player in the tournament used his height advantage to get any shot he wanted and was definately the go-to scorer for team Skillz that Killz. He was probably the most unstoppable player, it took repeated shots to the nuts to take him off his game.

Luke "Poot" Wiske
I was personally suprised Poot was even standing by tournaments end. He could be found in between games pounding SOCo, but when he was on the court, Poot did a little bit of everything to help his team win. His game was definately a suprise, but he gave the Nugget Pouches a chance to get back into the championship bracket. Too bad it all went for naught.

Matt "Butch McRae" Noel
Butch was a masterful floor general for the Revolution. Setting up easy bucket after easy bucket, running the pick n' roll offense flawlessly. His scoring prowess was also a big suprise, and the birthday boy narrowly missed winning the MVP, for his Championship effort.

Ron Mexico is in some Deep Shit! Read This

http://abcnews.go.com/images/TheLaw/VICK_INDICTMENT.pdf#http://abcnews.go.com/images/TheLaw/VICK_INDICTMENT.pdf

3 on 3 Preview

Tommorow is the First Annual White Men Can't Jump 3 on 3 Tournament. We have a 7 team field for our double elimination bracket. I havent been this excited for a tournament since the song "Your the Best Around" plays in the karate kid tournament montage. This is going to be a great time, plenty of beer, hopefully plenty of girls, and a days worth of top notch basketball.

First Round Matchups

Ballz Deep Vs The Revolution
Ballz Deep consists of Cody Gordon, Scott Gordon, and the only female participant, Emily Gordon. They get a tough draw in the first round. The Revolution led by silky smooth swingman Jake Schaub "Ricky Roe" and the leadership of point man Matt Noel "Butch McRae", who will most likely be matched up with Emily. A battle I see really going either way. Another interesting Matchup is the one in the middle. A couple of men who tip the scales at nearly 3 bills will be going to war down low, and the winner of this matchup could determine the winner. I expect the sweet shooting of Roe, and the home court advantage to get the best of Ballz Deep.

Badger Rejects Vs Skillz that Killz
This is one of the more highly anticipated first round matchups. Skillz that Killz is led by Aaron Powell, Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorrila", and Mike Jonely "Malibou" who hopefully can concentrate on basketballl with all the primo tale running around. Badger Rejects is lead by Golden Eagle grad, Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker, and his crew of flunkies. Chad "Pig" Schaub, is training at the police academy so it will be interesting to see if his endless hours of beating on minorities, and slamming Krispy Kremes, will translate into a W. I see the veteran leadership of Aaron Powell (Scott Skiles clone) being enough to carry Skillz into the next round.

Team Triple Threat Vs The Young Gunz
One of the early favorites, the veteran crew of Team Triple Threat featuring 3 guys nearing there thirties, with something to prove. Ryan "Pony" Powell is trying to recreate the mid nineties magic he had with teammate Jay Heiman on there memorable trip to the regional finals. Necomer Marcus Packard's entry was highly provactive, due to late payment in the fantasy football league. Look for Packards versatility to fit right in with the krafty vets. The Young Gunz have the most recent competitive basketball experience. They have been suiting it up for Marshall High the last 4 years. However I think they will quickly realize this is a different brand of basketball. The Schaub twins are going to have a tough time playing in the shadow of the legend "Roe" and will have to make up for that by playing there hearts out. I dont think it will be enough as I believe Triple Threat has one last shot at mediocracy.

Magic Nugget Pouches (First Round Bye)
A sleeper team in the tournament is the foreign team the Magic Nugget Pouches. Led by another Golden Eagle, and Under Armor Sponsered, Scott "The Floor General" Grunwald. The Nugget Pouches is the only team with five participants so depth should not be a factor however drinking most certainly will, as two of this teams members Poot Wiske, and Bob "Bobby Shots" Wygandt have recently fallen off the wagon. Matt "Big Boi" Hebl will be intimidating opposing defenses with his sick post game, a disgusting brand, and a long face that would make seabisquit tremble. This sleeper on this team Crazy NP Jeff Einerson, you may remember him as the guy who slept with Steve Donaldson causing the demise of the Wildcats, but he has been seen recently ripping up the courts at Whitewaters open gym. If Einerson can recreate some of the Cat magic, and Wiske and Bob, save some of the drinking for after the party this could be a scary team.

Five Players to Watch

Jake Schaub Aka Ricky Roe
The sweetest stroke in the tournament, and a face that will make the women melt. Rumor has it that he has been guranteed a piece of ass if he does well on Saturday if that doesnt bring out the best in you I dont know what will.

Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker
Forget that he has spent the last 6 months on his knees praying to the Jesuit for the return of Domminic James. This kid can flat out shoot the rock. One thing to look for how he handles the sun, being a pasty ginger, in this hot weather could lead to an off game. Hopefully he remembers his SPF 150.

Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
He brings the inside outside game to the courts of Tower Drive. Packard reffered to by friends as the Shepherd, will be a force to be reckoned with. His eligibilty is still in question due to late fantasy football payments. If he gets his eligibility granted he should make the all tourney team.

Mike "Malibou" Jonely
If Malibou can take time out from relaxing on the beach with a beer in one hand and a babe in the other to concentrate on winning this tournament, look out. The tallest player in field, will look like Yao Ming on this hoop, and he has the game to back it up. No chance he passes the drug test, but then again who will.

Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorilla" Retzlaff
The heat should be no problem for this Congo native. His scary long arms, and thick mane, should cause nightmares for opposing defenders. His deadly accuracy from deep is going to be tested on these tight rims, if he can find the distance, 99 bananas could be on him after the tourney.

Special Mention Matt "Neon Badeaux" BrowneDont expect much from this proverbial shit show, except for maybe winning the award for guy with most shots blocked. He will probably be found in between games, spitting hot fire to ladies, playing drinking games (minus a shirt of course), and chirping all over the court. Browne who appartenly has let his game slip away due to endless hours trying to master Halo 2, while deepthroating Jimmy Johns club sandwiches. If you like to follow trajesty, dont take your eyes off, he will not dissapoint.

Funny SNL

Dilemna on the Horizon?

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2007/more/07/16/bc.run.iaaf.amputeespri.ap/index.html


With technology moving at such an incredible rate there may be some problems for competitive sports on the horizons. It was always thought that someone with a disability would have a harder time competing against an able bodied competition. What if technology made it so you could run faster or jump higher with prosthetic legs? What if you had a prosthetic arm that could make you throw faster and harder? These questions have come up before. Tom Dempsey set the NFL record for longest field goal when he kicked a 63 yard field goal in 1970. Dempsey was born without toes on his right foot, and he had a shoe modified with a flattened front (think sledge hammer) which allowed him to kick the ball squarely. The NFL created a rule that all kickers shoes had to be the same so Dempsey would no longer have an advantage. Could the olympics pass a rule that says you must have your own legs or arms to compete? I think this is an interesting topic and would like to hear some opinions on what you think you should be done if anything to keep competition fair.

Suck it up biotch!

I dont see anything wrong with posting a picture of a beautiful woman for everyone to see. In fact I flat out enjoy it. To read an article like this just makes me laugh.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/05/28/AR2007052801370_2.html

This is why I love the internet. This girl has become famous because she is hot, and it does not stop there, see my Leeroy Jenkins YouTube clip and you will know exactly what I am talking about. Now I dont feel bad for this girl one bit, embrace the internet nerds who beat it to hot pictures of you, because after all the internet is a way to make a name for yourself for better or worse.

Lauer and Geigle you should appreciate this!

Weekend Review

What a weekend it was. Friday we went to a memorial birthday party, for a friend of a friend, who was killed in an auto accident on North ave. To say we did a little dancing would be an under statement. It basically went dance floor, to bar to do shots, back to the dance floor. My friend Desert put on a show that will be remembered for ages. He has become legendary for his snap antics, and he impressed many with his well choreographed snap dance. We also had a desperate housewives moment on Friday night, when we were sitting at the Prospect house and two middle aged women came over to smoke with us. All I can say is I still wish I lived in that house because I would love to be the gardener to Dues' recently divorced neighbor. Not sure if she would have me though as demonstrated no ability to have any conversation that didnt come back to me trying to get in her pants. Saturday we woke up made some breakfast and then primed ourselves for the tailgate. One problem we had no grill and no tickets. We picked up all of the other essentials: everclear, vodka, and rum mixed up a batch of best tasting whop in the world and set sail for miller park. After some confusion left everyone in our party parking in seperate spots we all met up and chaos quickly ensued. Once the game actually started in when the real mess started. From stealing parts of the little diamond, to seeing who would puke first in the whisky chug, to the slap off Curt and I had. WHich Curt I have to say you may have landed more shots, but i think we all know who the winner is with the slap that nearly knocked your head off. Finally around the 8th inning the cops decided they had seen enough of our antics and told us to head for the hills. One cop was dead set on giving me a disorderly for my explicit language, but I got out of the way and quickly hopped a cab to avoid all danger. Saturday night was also a real treat as my friend aaron used some of his poetry skills to hook me up. I spent most of the evening passed out to awake to some hilarious texting and then hailed a cab to cash in on my mans great setup. All in all it was one of the better weekends of the summer and I can only hope we back that up this weekend for the 3 on 3 tourney (Friday I will be giving a full preview of just that). Sunday, we grilled out at my buddies mansion in lake country. The pool was green and only 99 degrees warm so it wasnt real refreshing but it did kill a king size hangover. I then got home to find some hilarious videos posted of me puking and apparently getting naked at the brewer game. Wow all I can say is there goes my chance at ever running for public office. Damn the internet.

This is Pretty Fitting

Man With Shirt Off Terrifies Community

MIDFORD, OHIO-Downtown Midford was rocked with terror yesterday when a man with his shirt off casually lounged in the sun, causing panic in the streets and striking desperate fear into the hearts of the town's citizenry.

A Sad Day for the Browne Family

I just received a call from my father informing me that my aunt, Joanie, who had been in the hospital for weeks with a blood disease, was taken off life support today at 8 a.m. She had slipped into a coma and doctors prognosed that she would never make it out. Joanie, my uncle Al's wife of 25 years, was as up-beat, outgoing, and as fun of person as you will ever meet. She would ask you how your are doing and truly mean it. Her and my uncle were one of the happiest couples I had ever seen and spending time with them was always a joy. She experienced a lot in her 56 years, but she had so much to look forward to as well. This is shockingly unexpected and my heart goes out to Al, and the Harris family. Joanie most certainly will be missed.

DVD Rental Day w/ Transformers Review

Ok, not that this is suprising but I have watched a lot of movies this week, so I will give you a review of what I think is worth renting or worth checking out in the theatres.

Transformers

From the first minute of this movie to about the hour and half mark I really enjoyed this movie. I mean there was great action, interesting characters, and some really funny lines. However as the movie was getting close to its climax I realized why I think Michael Bay is a terrible director (Armegeddan, Pearl Harbor, Bad Boys II). He is obviously gifted in creating awesome effects. However there is a point where too much CGI can take away from a movie. In this case 20 minute action sequences with nothing but computer generated shots, actually took away from the flow of the movie and even for a great director to make robots interesting characters that an audience can care about is very difficult. I know you cannot say that a computer generated character can be a bad actor but in this case I think making the robots talk and care about humans hurt the movie. I would give this movie a reccomendation to go see at the big screen to enjoy some of the amazing scenes and cool effects, but dont expect too much from this movie.

Rentals

Oldboy

Now this is one of the craziest movies I have seen in a long time and thank you Irv for the reccomendation. This is a Korean film that has been dubbed in English and it has a feel of a Tarentino or Robert Rodriguez movie. The whole thing is narrated kind of like Fight Club is and the twists and turns really make this an entertaining movie albeit a dark one. The story is based on a man imprisoned for something, but he cannot understand why. After 15 years he finally is released and he searches for his revenge, only to find out that the outside can be worse than the inside. The character goes through a great struggle trying to find out the truth and when he does it is not what he wants to here. I really like Revenge type movies and this one is a definate must rent.

Sherry Baby

I am not going to lie I rented this movie because I wanted to see Maggie Gyllenhaal naked. Well I got to see that and i was also pretty entertained by this movie. It is about a young woman, who is a drug addict, and her trying to cope with life outside of prison, including being in her childs life after her brother had raised her while she was away. This movie starts out very good and the character you begin to really care about. However as the movie goes on you realize you shouldnt care about this character and she really has no redemption qualities what so ever. I think the writing for this movie is a little poor as they hint at the character falling back into addiction and they also hint at her turning the corner, but in the end we dont really know if the character made any changes. Gyllenhaal delivers a strong performance as she usually does, but there is something about this movie that didnt do it for me. However worth a rent.

Last King of Scotland

This is one of the best movies I have seen so far this year. Forest Whitaker is wonderful as Uguanda dictator Idi Amin and the story follows a young doctor as he works into favor with the charismatic yet ruthless dictator. This is based on a book with the same name and I really would like to read it as i really like fictional stories based around real life events. Unlike the Da Vinci code i really think this works well on film and the performances by James McAvoy and Whitaker truly make this film one of last years best. This is a story that I new very little about, but was fascinated by it and you really end up caring and even rooting for this ruthless man even though you shouldnt. Probably why he came to power in the first place.

Humpday: Rachael Taylor

Saw Transformers last night and i will give my review tommorow with some other movie recommendations, but as I thought Megan Fox was the only bombshell in this movie I was pleasantly suprised by this sexy Australian actress. Enjoy!!!

Top 10: Sporting Events

ESPN had this pretty cool article on the top 101 events that all sports fan must see. http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=caple/070625 Well I liked that list so created my top 10 sporting events that I would like to see in my life time.

#10 The Red River Shootout:
Texas and Oklahoma in the Cotton Bowl. This has to be one of the craziest seens for a football game that you can imagine. Two perennial top 10 teams who are arch rivals. The stakes are high, the rivalry is one of the nations best, and 90,000 people to boot.

#9 Jets v Patriots @ The Meadowlands:
The Jets as you may or may not know our my favorite NFL team and getting a chance to see them play there arch rival in the New England Patriots would be a real treat. Even better since this rivalry seems to be renewed with the Mangenious at the helm.

#8 Michigan v Ohio State:
This is always my favorite non badger game to watch every year. Two teams that genuinely hate eachother usually with a berth to one of the top bowl games on the line. Going to either the Horse Shoe or Ann Arbor to watch two of the best college teams of the last 25 years play seems like a no-brainer.

#7 Yankees v Red Sox @ Fenway Field:
Now I am Yankee fan so I would be in enemy territory, but a chance at watching this game atop of the Green Monster would be too good to be true. This could be the best rivalry in all of sports and both of them play for Division titles year in and year out.

#6 The Masters:
The most storied golf tournament in history would be an awesome experience. The history that has been made on that course is unbelievable. Watching Tiger play on his favorite course, trying to catch Niclaus record would be amazing.

#5 The World Series:
October is my favorite month of the year, with football, the start of basketball, and the World Series. If the Brewers could some how make it I would pay $500 for ticket.

#4 Super Bowl:
Now I have heard that this is an overrated sporting event, but how could going to the most watched sporting event of the year not be great. I am thinking Arizona, New Orleans, or Miami would be the ideal location for me to check out.

#3 Rose Bowl w/Bucky:
I sure hope I didnt miss my chance with this and I truly believe I will have a couple more chances to see Bucky play in the Rose Bowl. 105,000 people for a BCS bowl game with your favorite team. WOW!

#2 Final Four:
College Basketball has long been my favorite sport and the excitement that a Final Four has to offer is too good to pass up. Hopefully Bucky can make it here in the not so distant future as well. In Bo I trust!

#1 Duke vs North Carolina at Durham:
Duke is my second favorite sports team behind Bucky, and I believe this is the best rivalry in all of sports. Seeing the Dukies beat up on the Fag Roy Williams and Company would make my life complete.

Im Back

Well it has been a long time away from the computer but the break was much needed. I was able to get away from the internet and TV for a week and just enjoy beautiful up North Wisconsin. I dont have any great stories except maybe Noel falling off the rock wall into the swamp but you will have to ask him about that. All in all our trip was pretty tame this year, we actually came back with a lot of booze which is dissapointing, I am hoping that everyone was just playing it cool and are ready to kick it up a notch for the 3 on 3 tourney. The weekend was pretty quiet I went to Deerfield festival on Friday which ended in some drama, and I am really not sure why. All I know is a girl told me I had ruined the last seven years of her life, so I know have that weighing down on my already heavy conscience. In any matter Saturday I took the evening off. Sunday I helped my grandparents out for the day and then scoured my phone for any girl that would be willing to go see a movie with me, but that didnt work out, so I just chilled and rented a couple. I really felt pathetic yesterday, but no worries I am feeling good on this nice Monday afternoon. Well I will try and be active on here all week, and fill you with Tasty knowledge, and what not. However today I dont have much to relay, except the countdown has begun to the tourney and the Revolution will begin holding two-a-day practices to hone are already sharp Bball skills. So if you are reading this and you are participating be afraid.

Katt Williams: Weed

Classic Chappelle!

Apologizes to Matt Damon we have run out of time.

Katt Williams: If you havent seen this check HBO listing hysterical!

Pancakes after Deadwood! Thanks TK

WOOOOOOO WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Vacation!!!

I will not be posting for the rest of the week because I will be out of town on vacation doing our annual Pelican Lake drunk fest. I will for sure have pictures to post when I get back, and hopefully a few good stories, that rival years past such as us taking heavy water on the paddle boat, blown out ear drums, robberies by 40 year old babes after a slow clap exhibition, car accidents, paint ball parties, jet ski crashes, falling of the dock into the water, and "lets play some fucking cards". I can only hope we have half as much fun as we have had in years passed. Today I am busy so I will try and post some old posts or old clips for everyone to enjoy. CYA Monday!!!