WTF???

With the election coming up I dont understand why Energy is not at the top of everyones platform. This is completely absurd to me. I filled up my car on Friday for $3.49 a gallon. I think a gallon of gasoline has been over $3.00 for over a year, and nobody is doing a damn thing about it. For the first time in my young life I am actually contacing my local Congresswoman. Yes I sent an email to Tammy Baldwin today and I urge everyone to do the same. Here is the content of that email:

Dear Congresswoman Baldwin,

I am new to this voting district, so I cannot say that I supported you in the last election. I know both of my parents have been supporters of you for a long time. I feel like there is a major problem being overlooked by the platforms of all our local and national politicians. That problem being skyrocketing energy costs. I like most of Americans am affected dearly by these increases Especially with the cost of one gallon of gasoline. I have spent the morning reading a little bit about you, and see that you serve on the committee on Energy and Commerce. How has your committee tried to combat these increased costs? I worry that the democratic platform has placed such a high priority on the increased health care costs in this country that they may have lost site of a far more grave issue. I guess I don't understand how from 1980 to 2000 gas prices were some where in the range of $.080 to $1.80. For twenty years they stayed that way. Since 2000 we have seen gas prices nearly tripled. Yet, I watch the debates and hear little mention of what is being done to lower these prices.

I am concerned that there is not a ceiling in sight for these price increases. However, I am far more concerned of what seems to be a lack of concern by those leading this country. I am concerned that your constituents are spending over a $100 a week in order to commute to work, when our economy is as bad as it has been in my memory. In closing I just would like to hear what steps you and I can do to help make a difference on this issue. Or is it time to give up hope, sell my car and learn to ride a bike again?

Sincerely,

Concerned Voter

I guess it is worth noting that I don't even pay for my own gas as I have a company car. However does everyone else feel like this is a problem being kept under wraps by the American public? I dont understand how this isnt issue number one of the American public in the upcomming elections. The way gas prices have gone up in the last 10 years has been absolutely absurd. I for one wonder how much every American is spending on gas per year. I also wonder how our economy would be different right now if that money was being put to some different use.

As a 25 year old, one of my biggest concerns for this country, is the amount of retirees that I will probably have to support in my lifetime. This is quickly becoming just as big of an issue with me. I would like to hear what some of you have to say on this issue?

Theme Song for the Banana Cock Spring Break!

Film Drunk posted this video which essentially looks like a the theme song of our spring break. Am I the only one that finds phallus humor so damn funny. I know it may be a stretch in this video but kids dancing around and singing about a banana milkshake by a band called The Naked Brothers puts a smile on my face. That is difficult on a monday. Especially a Monday following the losses of two badger teams over the weekend, ending both of there seasons. Well the good news is the Spring Game is two weeks away!

uuughhhhhhhhh....mild chub

So I am slowly trying to get my brains back together after I watched the badgers* shit themselves tonight. A couple of highlights for me during the game. well really only one. I went to a local bar in Edgerton called the Red Baron to watch the game because they were serving free chicken wings. FREE FUCKING CHICKEN WINGS DURING THE WHOLE GAME!!!!!!!!!! Chicken has never had such a calming effect on me it must of been its deep free deep friedness. If anyone even knows a little bit about me, I love free shit. If a homeless guy was giving away free shit, literally giving away his own turds form homeless butt cheeks. I would more than likely at least check it out. So at first I make the decision I am not going down to the Barron. They had this shit advertised in the local paper, so its going to be packed and gay, little did I know the only thing getting fag fucked was going to be the rim that Curry kept shoving every field goal through. I digress, back to the fried greatness. So Callie talks me into going, this might be the defining moment in our relationship, because she made a game time decision that will never have me second guessing her judgment again. Did I tell you they served free wings while Davidson changed the badgers* diaper for 40 minutes. So really no one was even there and we got served up the first basket. (editors note: I was giving a pretty strong stink eye while I waited) Well that one basket lead to three and me almost badgering my undies. So I crossed out the badger eyes on me badger tee and dragged my ass out of there.
Which brings me to this post. So I jump on the net make sure my bottle of Knob Creek is still coming out of Brownes checking account, and I come across something astounding. I find this photographers website that is amazing. It contains some really awesome photos but more importantly some boobs, soft core porn, and the type of parties that Browne blogs about attending, but you and I know the parties he attends normally contain Browne hanging at the bar trying to forget that the only pussy he is bringing home really does smell and looks likes a whales vagina. So check it out, I hope your wieners are as thankful as mine is or should I say was.
(*I didn't capitalize the badgers because they don't deserve proper grammar until the football season officially starts and or Butch Tits stops thinking he is the real B.J. Armstrong)

Typical Friday Post: Ladies its Not Me its You

So I found this interesting article probably written by some babe about how men have a hard time reading the clues put out there by women. Either the ladies are trying to be friendly and we think they want to bone, or they are trying to get frisky and we think they are just trying to be friendly. Now to all you married readers, stop reading now, you dont have to deal with the clues your loved one puts out because you know them pat. However for all of you singles that visit this blog listen up. Non verbal clues to show your interest are utterly pointless. I mean come on! How am I supposed to know you are interested, because you brushed my arm with your boob at 11:45 while I was walking up to the bar to grab another shot? Or how am I supposed to know that you dont like me just because you dont laugh at one of my jokes, I dont think one girl I have ever conned into having sex with me thought i was funny, well not until she saw me naked. Give me a flippin break here. If you are hungry, then tell me you are hungry, and you will get fed. Thirsty? Just let me know and I will get you a drink. We make this whole courtship process so damn hard that half the time we are just sorting through bullshit.

You are probably thinking i have no grounds to speak on this because I am so far from an expert in the ways of the women. To that I totally agree, the opposite sex has always been a fucking mystery to me. However I am on a path to change the entire courtship process. No longer will I have any reactions to non verbal communications. You want me to be sympathetic to your needs, no problem, just tell me you had a shitty day and you need some support. You want to be told how beautiful you are? I will tell you that everyday, but dont ask me, "do I look fat in these pants?". Look I can handle being told when you are not interested in sex or not interested in me period. I also actually think it is a bigger turn on for you to flat out come out and tell me that you are into me and you want to get down. Shit i would much rather have her tell me that then some pointless flirting and what not. I promise to do the same. I will no longer make small talk, and tell you what you want to hear when i want a blow job. Nope, instead i am pulling out and saying, "what has two thumbs and has a cock in need of some oral stimulation?" "THis Guy!" Ten times out of nine my theory and approach to "game" wont work. But every hundred times i flat out tell these women my intentions, one of them will agree with me. That one time will be perfect because we both will get what we want with out all the bullshit.

I think the reason behind the evolution of my game has been the text message. It has revolutionalized the way I talk to women. Long winded bs is as dead as shakespeare. You need to get your ideas down in the shortest amount of words possible and that is great! I can be so blunt over a text message and if I dont get the reply I want I know what her answer will be. Trust me ladies it works better this way. What is more awkward? Reading a text message from me that has more innuendo's than a penthouse forum letter, or going out on some boring date with me filled awkward silences and pointless mind games? Ladies embrace this evolution and I promise me you be just as satisfied as before, which is not very. I on the other hand will be extremely saitisfied, because i will have gotten what I want by putting in the least amount of work possible. Something that has been a standard of my way of living since the start of my existence.

So now you know the game has changed. Guys feel free to join me on my quest to stop all the mind games. We are only men, not gypsy mind readers. Ladies if I new what you wanted without you telling me I would be way out of your league. I dont so why make it difficult. Guys you need to do the same. These girls aren't just going to know when you need to be fellated, or when you think you are at the point of the relationship where anal sex needs to be explored. No, we need to start telling it like it is as well. In the 21st century we have all the means neccasary to communicate our thoughts with precise clarity. Lets start fucking using them!

This will all be in my book, "Striking Out With Babes For Dummies".

Oh yeah here is the link

Mexicans Hate Emos Too!

My buddy Zach sent me this link , all I can say is it is about time. Basically the link talks about how Emos or as they are referred to in Mexico "pokemonos" are really hated. I guess there has actually been violence towards my most hated group of children. Well gingers are right up there. Anyways if you want to join the movement against these pokemonos click here.

My favorite quote from the story, "What do you do when you are confronted with a question mark about sexuality in Mexico?" Arellano said. "You beat it up."

Priceless

This is Too Funny Not to Post

My buddy, Josh, just sent me this picture. I dont think words can do it justice.

Email Fight

I am going to send you to Filmdrunk for highlighting a highlighted Email fight between some fan of Star Wars or something named Fanboy and movie director Steve Brill. It would be pretty lame to email someone and tell them they suck at there job repeatedly. But Brill's responses are so bone chilling that he should make a horror movie based around this email feud. Anyway Filmdrunks commentary on it just adds to the hilarity definitely check it out.

Pretty Crazy...Then Fucking Hilarious

Ok you have to watch these videos in order to really get it. The first video shows this robot dog thing that is technologically remarkable. This seems like a huge step for science robotics and really prosthetics. The second video is a parody of said video. It seems pretty stupid to make a viral video of a viral video, but this is one of the funniest things I have seen in a long time. Enjoy!



and now this....

I Wish This List Was Out When I Picked a School

Here is a link for the hottest student bodies in the U.S. It ranks the top 50. Sadly University Wisconsin-Milwaukee did not make the list. Little known fact I was accepted at ASU and pussed out. I have never regretted any decision I have ever made more. Enjoy the list!

Humpday: Jenna Fischer

I was going to wait until the new episodes of the office started in a few weeks, but I decided to just go with it. Ms. Fischer will probably be a regular on humpday. Enjoy!

Pretty Cool Site

Here is a cool site that will keep you up on who is bangin who in hollywood. Dont act like you dont care.

I Wish I Was Tough Like These Guys

Watch this hilarious hockey fight courtesy of With Leather. I wish just for one day I was tough enough to play hockey.

Ouch!

This link is a follow up to the speech I put up on here last week which can be found here . Apparently, the speech didnt have the same effect on the rest of America as it did with me. I think Senator Obama is fighting an up hill battle the rest of the way, but I am pulling for him.

J.J. I Know How You Feel

It was an up and down weekend for me. On the one hand the Badgers played great in getting to the sweet 16. They completely shut down the best player in college basketball for the final 20 minutes of play limiting him to 6 points. They had two great performances from Trevon Hughes and Greg Stiemsma and they get to face another lower, although very talented, seed in Davidson. I dont see that game giving Bucky too many problems and a Sunday game against Kansas is looking likely. I keep thinking about the last time the Badgers were in the Elite 8, when they lost to eventual Natl champ UNC. I think this team is better than that team, and we gave the heals all they could handle that day. Either way, playing to the second weekend of the tourny has to be seen as a success for a team that wasnt even ranked heading into the season. On the downside, I watched as the once great Duke program suffered another upset loss, sending them home early once again. They lost to a pretty good West Virginia team, but they had no business losing that game. After the game West Virginia player, Joe Alexander had this to say, "I think the top six or seven teams in the Big East are right on par with Duke," West Virginia’s Alexander said. "And the rest of them are right up there too." All I can is ouch. This program once appeared in 5 straight final fours, and they havent been to one since Redick and Williams left four years ago. I think they have definately fallen out of the top 10 or so teams nationally, even though this year started with so much promise. There is definately talent there, as the only lose one player, Demarcus Nelson, who pretty much dissapeared down the stretch. The problem is, they arent bringing in any help for the inside, where they were dominated game after game. They basically have 5 guys standing around the paint watching the other team gather misses and put them back in. I think they are 2-3 years away from getting back to where this program once was. Coach K narrowly missed out on Patrick Patterson, Kevin Love, and Greg Monroe, and because of that they will go only as far as the three point shot will take them. As you can see with the last two years, it took them only as far as the opening weekend in the tourney.

On a higher note, this weekend was damn fun. Friday night I was planning on staying in, but as my teams kept on losing, my thirst kept on growing, and before I knew it I was downing wild turkey shot after wild turkey shot. Had a fun night in Waterloo from what I can remember. Saturday, I had my first fantasy baseball draft of the season at my house. I am liking my team, right now, but I was starting to get tanked towards the end. As an illustration to this, I grabbed Barry Bonds with three rounds left. After the draft about 15 people came to help finish a half barrel. We did very poorly. I made a bad decision of taking some cough medicine, around midnight and I was out within a half an hour. I had a good evening though. Sunday was spent at the rents for Easter, doing my taxes and watching some great games. Damn you Butler and MSU, you really made a shitty bracket look even shittier. We were planning on having steaks, but the old man left them on the counter, only to find the dogs helped themselves to a nice New York strip. We went to the store and got some tenderloin and shrimp which was delicious, but we almost had two grilled dogs. I havent seen the old man that pissed in a long time. Sunday night Jake and I finished the first season of Dexter. What a great show. If you havent seen it, start watching. Showtime has definately passed HBO with its dramas. All in all a damn fine weekend, if only the dookies could have pulled it off...

This Just About Sums It Up

This is too funny. Courtesy of TK.

I Dont Want To Hear It

You know what I hate? Fucking people that dont have a favorite team, or do, but instead of rooting for theres, they root against yours. They think they have to call every single time your team goes down by two fucking points, to remind you that a loss may be imminent. Well to everyone out there that has done that and you know who you are eat dick! Dont talk shit unless you can do it like this guy.

Inspiring

Everytime I think I have made up my mind on who I am going to vote for I read things like this . I like speeches that are delivered in a way that the person reading it feels smart because they are not being talked down to. Everytime I hear Barack speak I feel this way. Anyways I tried this once before, but what is your guys favorite inspirational speech? I wont dare say the Jimmy V speach because we know how much Timmmmay despises Jimmy V.

Humpday: Eva Mendes

This is definately my second favorite coke fiend in the planet. Behind the day walker with the nicest rack ever, Lindsey Lohan. Anyways these photos are courtesy or czabe.com enjoy!

Tourney Time

I challenge all the Deal With It readers to a little bracket challenge. We can talk about wagers on the comments section of this post. The yahoo league ID is 123914 the password is drcreamjeans. If you have any problems logging on also post on the comment section. This will be a free bracket for bragging rights only. I am thinking the winner is allowed to post a hate filled rant about your least favorite blogger. If I win I will be posting about my greatness. Good luck losers!

LINK

Guess whose back in this muthafuckin house with a banana cock for your muthafuckin mouth!

Yes I finally have made it back from spring break or vacation however you want to put it. It was really neither, more so an endurance test, in which I believed I passed with flying colors. First off let me say thanks to all those that went with me. Like I said before I left, I couldnt have hand picked a better group of flunkies to go on a vacation with and none dissapointed. I dont think I have ever had as much fun as I did last week, although I did come up way short in finding a prom date while I was down there. Anyways let me get into some of the highlights and a few not so highlights as well.

The Good

- Villa Son Risa, this was easily the nicest place I have ever stayed. We were in a million dollar home overlooking other million dollar places with the Pacific Ocean on one side and the Sea of Cortez on the other. I am going to try and put our MTV cribs style introduction of the place on You Tube but that is going to take some time.

- The Hotties, no joke Cabo San Lucas is the proverbial hot bed for 16-25 year old poon with a few cougars in the mix as well. I have never been submersed with this many beautiful babes. I cant really do it justice over type, you will have to check it out for yourself.

- The Beach, lets just say the Milwaukee crew dominated the beach. Whether it was drinking, contests, getting sun burned too shit, or just strutting out sexy ass bods on the beach we did with the best of them. We spent every single day on the amazing Medano Beach, and I cant say enough of fucking awesome it was.

- The Clubs, ummm you want crazy strip clubs and dance clubs go to Cabo San Lucas. We could be seen at Nowhere Bar from 11 pm to 1 am. This place was unreal, think of the MTV show the Hills and you will know what type of talent this place attracted. No locals just west coast hotties ready to break it down all night. A couple of my boys quickly became legends with there dancing and just overall party prowess. From there we would head to either Cabo Wabo a live music night club, the Zoo a trendy night club where the girls would just have to be classified as "fucking out of my league", or Squid Roe, which is prefered by the local and can be best described as 2,500 hundred crazy spring breakers partying on two levels until 430 am. My liver hurts thinking about this night life. If you want to hear about the strip clubs you will have to ask me in person because it is definitely not suitable for work.

- The Food, although most were on the toilet for record hours during the week, the food was delicious. I basically ate seafood and Mexican for every meal and was not once disappointed. I feel sorry for the maid that had to clean up our place because the bathrooms got absolutely punished however.

- The laughs, I want go into too many of the stories on this blog, because most of them are of the what happens in Cabo stays in Cabo variety, but I have a ton of them. For some of the insiders, my highlights would have to be scoring big the last night of the trip, 5 joints to put you to bed, 1 dude 3 chicks, something for your big nose, dumb ass how are you going to drop the J in the beer. The list goes on and on and I have so many wonderful memories from my trip.

The Not So Good

- Poop Soup, see food above.

- Losing my credit card in Mexico, never let a Mexican dude take you to an ATM so you can buy some illegal substances.

- Dueling ten hour layovers, one in Cabo and one in Mexico City that kept us there from 11 pm until 9 the next morning. Have you ever been to Mexico City???

- Coming home to work, man did I have a terrible morning.

Anyways I am happy to be back now that I am caught up and I am back doing what I love blogging pointless shit that only makes me happy. I plan to have a pretty action packed week at work, but I plan on posting a bunch. I also want to say big ups to C-Weed, as the blog was busy in my absence and he provided me with many laughs in the middle of my crazy morning.

Hump Day: Kate Hudson

Welcome to Wednesdays my friends. Sorry I didn't get this up till late but, I don't really care so how do you like them pears...wait something like that. Here is Kate Hudson, somewhere were there is a pool, her nice butt cheeks and a guy with camera capturing it all. Enjoy.

Day in the life of Deke

I guess this has been around for awhile but I laid my eyes on this gem for the first time today. Boy were they pleased. Besides Dikembe Mutombo sounding exactly like a Cookie Monster, you can barely understand a word he says half the time, but when you do its pure gold. Like this little nugget...
"what restaurant is this?"
deke-"Pasta Pasta, its names after pasta."
It doesn't sound very funny, but when you are watching an overgrown sloth that sounds like a tongue less cookie monster, its pretty entertaining.

Top That!

I might have posted this before, but it is a goody. This actually pretty much sums up the story of how my girlfriend and I first met. Except I had an explorer and I would bump my beats with a cd walkman with little mini speakers about the size of a little milk carton you would get during milk break.


Thanks Kit Kat for the sweet vid

Finally!

By now I am sure many people have iPods, if not get with the times people. Anyway I have had my iPod for like 4 years and have never been able to beat the solitaire game that is on it. It is fucking un-beatable until now! Well more like a few weeks ago when I was driving back from Indianapolis. I don't know how many times I have played it but it inst pretty. I would say the gayest thing about beating it, is that you have to manually put all the cards away, that was probably a bigger pain in the dick than actually beating it. But I had to see what it would say. I was hoping it would finish like that South Park where they finally get to a million points and a it yells out "You have reached a million points...you are a FAGGOT! Although I am probably still a faggot I did finally beat it. So suck on that

Not for virgin eyes

Apparently this guy killed a cop and was taken into to custody. Turns out they didnt search him to good. He takes matters into his own hands. I mean it when I say it, this is not for weak stomachs, don't say I didn't warn you!

I Can See My Future…and I don't need shades:(

As you very well have noticed I haven’t posted since last week. Part of the reason for this is I have been very busy getting ready for my trip to Mexico. Another reason is I have been working like a CSI team member trying to put together all the events from last weekend into an epic post. Last weekend was one of the most fun weekends of the year to date and I know you guys are dying to hear why.

Well to start things off, do you remember the part in the movie Boogie Nights were Eddy figures out his porn name is going to be Dirk Diggler. Well I had one of those moments on Saturday, when I realized what my true calling in life is. In the movie he is sitting in the hot tub with the movie director, and he tells him this story about seeing a bright neon sign light up, and the sign is so hot that it just explodes, on that sign read Dirk Diggler. Well let me tell you about my similar moment.

I wasn’t thrilled about being in a bowling tournament just hours after I destroyed my liver at the Brother Ali concert. However two of my boys (Brad and Dustin) were counting on me and I filled the other two spots with C$$$ and Silver so I new that it would be fun. However I have never enjoyed bowling for fun, it just gets boring way to fast. Pick up bowl, roll it. Repeat. I mean don’t really know any thought process that goes into bowling except picking a funny name. My roommate Jake had gotten me this funny Halo 3 t-shirt and I decided what better attire for a bowling tournament. The tourney started at about 4 and we all figured we needed to have a good deal of aiming fluid in us before the first game, so we decided to get the whisky’s flowin around 1 o’clock. We got to the lanes around 3 and it we immediately started pounding. I think I had about 3 whisky’s just picking out the 25 songs I played in the juke box. Of which not one I was able to listen too. 4 oclock came around fast and we all picked our weapons. Mine was a green 12 lber with holes bigger than any girl I had ever been with and that is saying something. The semi truck backed up to unload the seeming less no end of bowling shit that C$$$ needed to participate in the tourney. He had like three bowling bags with three different balls, every single thing you could possible imagine. Including the funniest little booty that he wore on his plant foot so he wouldn’t get it wet when he wasn’t bowling. Yes he was taking this too damn seriously.

My friends chose my name for me when I was plugging the jukebox and the decided on my online gamer alias DrCreamJeans. What they did not know is that when I am DrCreamJeans I am no longer Matt Browne. It is like Clark Kent stepping foot into that phone booth. There is a transformation that takes place and it is something to be seen. The game was modified a bit. You only needed to knock down 9 on your first try to get a strike which for us beer leaguers was fucking perfect. I led things off with a monster strike and when I turned around to look at our fan section and teammates something weird happened. As they were cheering for the Dr on his way back to his whisky, with a cig hanging out the side of my mouth, I realized then and there that I had found my calling in this world, and that calling is that of a professional bowler. Mind you I hate bowling. However it is what is right about professional sports. Cockiness, arrogance, out of shape, are all staples of the pro bowler. Something that DrCreamJeans shares with them all. Our celebrations would have made T.O. jealous and as there beers and whiskys kept on getting thrown down the crazier it got on our lane. Let me illustrate some of these celebrations. They started out as simple fist pounds and high fives. They then moved onto the jump and bump made famous by basketball players during introductions. From there it just got creative. I may have been seen doing the throw the ball and put your hand up to your ear to hear for the strike, or I may have been seen doing the tommy gun shoot out the pins, and I when things really got crazy, I was bowling with my pants down giving my fans the best view of me. I mean talk about the proverbial shit show. There more crazy we got the bigger and louder our audience got. The funny thing is our team was bowling pretty damn well. I wasn’t but our team was. We finished 5th out of at least 25 teams that were entered. I know for a fact that we had the biggest following out of anyone at the tournament as the area behind us was packed with people.

A couple of Silver’s uncles had joined in on the cheering and I threatened to kick there ass if they didn’t by me a drink, just because they won the raffle. What did they do? They bought me two, out of respect. See I wasn’t Matt Browne, the loser blogger, who spends days and nights surfing the net, for new whack off material and funny message board posts. No I was DrCreamJeans man, myth, and legend. I felt like the guy on my shirt, Master Chief, For those of you who don’t know he is the lead character of the Halo series and one of the characteristics master chief has is regenerating armor. This is another characteristic of me that afternoon and evening. See I tried to put the hurting on myself. I basically tried to kill myself. I did this like any professional athlete would do and I pumped myself with performance enhancing drugs. In my case booze. Choice of booze? Canadian club whisky of course. By the time the third game was over I had to be at least a bottle deep and I wasn’t slowing down. Shots? You buy I will drink. I should have been dead but instead I bowled with reckless abandon. At one point during the raffle Marks uncle won a Dr. McGuillicuddy scrub (doctors scrubs, you know the ones they put on right before they shave your balls) and he thought it would be a great costume for me with the name and all. What he didn’t know was that no shirt could contain me on this glorious day. Before you know it a bare chested mad man was driving the house wild. Have you ever seen a bowler with a nipple ring? I didn’t think so. When the crowd started the Dr. clap clap CreamJeans chant, I knew what I had to do with the rest of my life, and just like when Eddy looked into that neon light and saw Dirk Diggler, I looked at my crazy drunk fans and saw DrCreamJeans.