I have always had a thing for her and boy, does she look hot in her new movie Blake Snake Moan. So in honor of me really wanting to see that movie here ya go. For full-frontal check out Prozac Nation, which is actually a pretty good movie.
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Well Brian "Bitch Tits" Butch it could have been worse..
One of my favorite players suffered a horrific injury over the weekend. Check it out. I think career may be in jeopardy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6Ghupxbj9g
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h6Ghupxbj9g
I miss Milwaukee
This is courtesy of the gentleman at 1977 N. Oakland. Shit like this really makes me miss all the funny shit that happens down there. Enjoy!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LAZgcC3jgo
http://www.vidking.com/celeb-vids-2437-Ludacris-and-Blizzard-Man-throw-down-tight-Tracks.htm
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7LAZgcC3jgo
http://www.vidking.com/celeb-vids-2437-Ludacris-and-Blizzard-Man-throw-down-tight-Tracks.htm
Friday, February 23, 2007
This weekend
I am finally moving into my place and out of my parents house. It has been five long months since I purchased my place and the work is starting to get lame. I know the work will really never be finished when you are a home owner but at least now I will get to enjoy living there. I know my parents dont read this, but I owe them everything. They are the only reasons this was possible and I have no idea where I would be without them. They are truly the heros in my life and I hope in payment for all they have given I can give my kids the same type of love, support, and guidance. I would also like to thank the Pony Boys, Jake and Noel for putting up with the messy place, Sara for putting up with me, Worm and Jon for there expertise, TK for his his trim work, and everyone that had a hand in helping me get this shit done. I cannot wait to spend my first night in my new place in my own bed. Hopefully I can crisen the.
Saturday weather permitting I will be heading down to Milwaukee to celebrate Jenny's birthday. I never have a bad time partying with Jenny so I am definately keeping my fingers crossed that the weather is not too terrible. Also my brother is having another fiesta and I would like to try my hand at some freshman ladies. Dont know how much longer I will be able to say that. Thanks again to all that have helped me with my place and I plan on returning the favor.
Saturday weather permitting I will be heading down to Milwaukee to celebrate Jenny's birthday. I never have a bad time partying with Jenny so I am definately keeping my fingers crossed that the weather is not too terrible. Also my brother is having another fiesta and I would like to try my hand at some freshman ladies. Dont know how much longer I will be able to say that. Thanks again to all that have helped me with my place and I plan on returning the favor.
Retro Blog Post
Alright and now for the moment not too many of you have been waiting for. The number one most embarrassing moment in the life of one Matthew Earl Browne. My thanks go out to everyone who can appreciate a good embarrassing story. I do have to say not one person has sent me a story to compete with my list which is disappointing. I was kind of hoping this would be an open forum, but the blog has received good initial reviews which is good so I will keep them coming.
Surprise! Another story that takes place when I was in high school. For those of you who don’t know me the thing that I wanted most while I was their was to lose my virginity and when it finally happened I thought my life was complete. For about the next 6 months pretty much the only thing I wanted to do was master the art form. Through my years I have encountered many forms of chemical dependency, but none have had a firmer grip on me. That was until the biggest sex scandal rocked the two small towns of Marshall and Deerfield.
My girlfriend at the time was an All-American girl. She was good at everything and I mean everything. She played every sport, student council, theatre, choir, math team, science team, you name it and she did it. Plus she was a blond bombshell and she had my head spinning. Now I know most of you are thinking how in the hell did he ever pull something like that and to be honest with you I have no idea. One important thing to note in this story is the fact that she was from Deerfield and that people from Deerfield usually have 20 to 40 family members living within the town limits. She was no different and her family agreed with me thinking that for the most part she was out of my league. Her parents did like me which was good because they scared the crap out of me. Her dad was about 6-5 320 pounds and I felt that if I hurt his daughter in any way that my days here would be numbered. Her mom was petit but I also knew that a slip up would be deadly.
Well like I said once we this girl and I began having sex it was almost like we were single handedly trying to save the earths population. This was difficult because at the time neither of us were allowed in each others rooms. The skin on my knees is perma carpet burned. Life was good. One day when I got home from school I got a call from her and I could tell something was wrong. Call it intuition or it could have been the sobbing in which I could not understand anything she was saying. All I could make out was my Dad knows that we are having sex. “Hmmm”. I thought to myself, “maybe this relationship was never meant to be walk away now and live to fight another day”. That was what I was thinking what I was saying was, “Hold on I will be right over.” Now I made the 8 mile trip probably a thousand times but this is the only one I remember. I was shaking the whole way over there and I honestly I thought of all the horrible things he was going to do to me. On the way over there my girlfriend had called me back and this time she told me the complete story. She had said one of he fathers old friends was in the plumbing business. One of his job descriptions was pumping septic tanks. Now I do not know all the ins and outs to the waste removal business but what she told me blew my fucking mind. Apparently during the pumping process an obscene amount of used contraceptives were detected. This must have really amused the plumber as he could not wait to give it to my girlfriends father. See he did not know about me and he thought that her dad was trying to put the spark back into there relationship. I still have never heard how that conversation went or the look on his face during but what I do know is it did not take any CSI team to know whose DNA was floating in that sess pool. When I pulled up to the drive way there he was sitting on the bench outside. I had never seen him sit outside and I figured it was just to keep the blood from getting on his carpet. I got out of my car and sat down beside him where we proceeded to sit in silence for about ten minutes. He finally said, “You should probably go inside you are not my favorite person right now,” before he was finished I was inside my heart racing and my palms sweating. Her mother waited for me inside with a nice hug and she told me that she did not think I would make inside. I sat in the living room by myself for the next hour her dad outside her upstairs me wondering when the next time she will want to have sex. After an hour she came down and was very thankful that I had come over her mother and father sat us down and gave us the dreaded speech. I told them that I loved there daughter and meant that with all my heart and they knew that someday this would happen. They probably did not think like this, but who the hell did. The next week her mom had taken her to get on the pill, yeaaaaaaaaaaah, and we never used a condom again. This fact is something I got quite used to and came back to bite me in a story that narrowly missed the top ten. All in all everything worked out and I have a great story to tell everyone.
Surprise! Another story that takes place when I was in high school. For those of you who don’t know me the thing that I wanted most while I was their was to lose my virginity and when it finally happened I thought my life was complete. For about the next 6 months pretty much the only thing I wanted to do was master the art form. Through my years I have encountered many forms of chemical dependency, but none have had a firmer grip on me. That was until the biggest sex scandal rocked the two small towns of Marshall and Deerfield.
My girlfriend at the time was an All-American girl. She was good at everything and I mean everything. She played every sport, student council, theatre, choir, math team, science team, you name it and she did it. Plus she was a blond bombshell and she had my head spinning. Now I know most of you are thinking how in the hell did he ever pull something like that and to be honest with you I have no idea. One important thing to note in this story is the fact that she was from Deerfield and that people from Deerfield usually have 20 to 40 family members living within the town limits. She was no different and her family agreed with me thinking that for the most part she was out of my league. Her parents did like me which was good because they scared the crap out of me. Her dad was about 6-5 320 pounds and I felt that if I hurt his daughter in any way that my days here would be numbered. Her mom was petit but I also knew that a slip up would be deadly.
Well like I said once we this girl and I began having sex it was almost like we were single handedly trying to save the earths population. This was difficult because at the time neither of us were allowed in each others rooms. The skin on my knees is perma carpet burned. Life was good. One day when I got home from school I got a call from her and I could tell something was wrong. Call it intuition or it could have been the sobbing in which I could not understand anything she was saying. All I could make out was my Dad knows that we are having sex. “Hmmm”. I thought to myself, “maybe this relationship was never meant to be walk away now and live to fight another day”. That was what I was thinking what I was saying was, “Hold on I will be right over.” Now I made the 8 mile trip probably a thousand times but this is the only one I remember. I was shaking the whole way over there and I honestly I thought of all the horrible things he was going to do to me. On the way over there my girlfriend had called me back and this time she told me the complete story. She had said one of he fathers old friends was in the plumbing business. One of his job descriptions was pumping septic tanks. Now I do not know all the ins and outs to the waste removal business but what she told me blew my fucking mind. Apparently during the pumping process an obscene amount of used contraceptives were detected. This must have really amused the plumber as he could not wait to give it to my girlfriends father. See he did not know about me and he thought that her dad was trying to put the spark back into there relationship. I still have never heard how that conversation went or the look on his face during but what I do know is it did not take any CSI team to know whose DNA was floating in that sess pool. When I pulled up to the drive way there he was sitting on the bench outside. I had never seen him sit outside and I figured it was just to keep the blood from getting on his carpet. I got out of my car and sat down beside him where we proceeded to sit in silence for about ten minutes. He finally said, “You should probably go inside you are not my favorite person right now,” before he was finished I was inside my heart racing and my palms sweating. Her mother waited for me inside with a nice hug and she told me that she did not think I would make inside. I sat in the living room by myself for the next hour her dad outside her upstairs me wondering when the next time she will want to have sex. After an hour she came down and was very thankful that I had come over her mother and father sat us down and gave us the dreaded speech. I told them that I loved there daughter and meant that with all my heart and they knew that someday this would happen. They probably did not think like this, but who the hell did. The next week her mom had taken her to get on the pill, yeaaaaaaaaaaah, and we never used a condom again. This fact is something I got quite used to and came back to bite me in a story that narrowly missed the top ten. All in all everything worked out and I have a great story to tell everyone.
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Top Ten: Action Movies
#10 The Matrix: Yes this movie was watered down by the two movies that followed this one, but at its time this was one of the coolest movies I have ever seen. I had to watch it a few times to understand it but you know it must be well written if you can believe Keanu as a super hero. I believed it.
#9 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers: My favorite from the trilogy also had the best action. I know a lot of people are not into the sword, ax, and bow wielding action but this movie kicks ass and all you haters can go to hell.
#8 Raiders of the Lost Arc: I know I know all trilogies but these are all really good movies. The first Indiana Jones is action packed with a snake pit, a great bar fight, and probably one of the most famous fist fights of any movie. Which ended with a decapitation I might add.
#7 Resevoir Dogs: Tarentino’s first movie does not have a ton of action in it but I think you need to call it an action movie. This is the first of three tarentino movies to make my list.
#6 Sin City: To me this is a very underrated film that is probably the coolest looking movie I have ever seen. The movie is supposed to look just like the graphic novel and there are scenes that are identical. Great performances by Willis, Owen, and Rourke and throw in the beautiful Alba, Dawson, and Murphy and you have a great movie. If it came out earlier it probably would be higher on my list.
#5 Kill Bill: Volume One: I really enjoyed these movies and as hard it is to believe that Uma Thurman could be Samuraiesque she is actually pretty believable with a sword. Toss in Tarentino as the director and this goes down as one of the best action movies ever.
#4 True Lies: I had to have one Arnold movie on my list and I think this beats out both Terminators and Eraser as the one. This movie has everything great action, a great striptease, and of course the funniest character I have ever seen, Bill Paxton as the used car salesman. “The Vet gets the wet”. I love this movie.
#3 Heat: A very realistic action movie that has some great acting performances by DeNiro, Pacino, and Kilmer. Michael Mann is probably my second favorite action director behind Tarentino and that is a close second with films like this Last of the Mohicans, Collateral, and Miami Vice.
#2 Platoon: The only war movie to make my list. This is a really violent and really realistic action movie that I think Oliver Stone hits a home run on. This movie is not for everyone but if Vietnam was anything like this it could be possible the most fucked up place in the world.
#1 Pulp Fiction: I don’t know if this is technically an action movie because Tarentino could have his own genre all together. However this movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. The dialogue is amazing, the action is real, and there are some really funny parts. Throw in a great script and you have my #1 action movie of all-time.
Honorble Mention:
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Braveheart, Return of the Jedi, Empire Strikes Back, The Rock, Eraser, Terminator 1 and 2, Jaws, and Saving Private Ryan.
#9 The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers: My favorite from the trilogy also had the best action. I know a lot of people are not into the sword, ax, and bow wielding action but this movie kicks ass and all you haters can go to hell.
#8 Raiders of the Lost Arc: I know I know all trilogies but these are all really good movies. The first Indiana Jones is action packed with a snake pit, a great bar fight, and probably one of the most famous fist fights of any movie. Which ended with a decapitation I might add.
#7 Resevoir Dogs: Tarentino’s first movie does not have a ton of action in it but I think you need to call it an action movie. This is the first of three tarentino movies to make my list.
#6 Sin City: To me this is a very underrated film that is probably the coolest looking movie I have ever seen. The movie is supposed to look just like the graphic novel and there are scenes that are identical. Great performances by Willis, Owen, and Rourke and throw in the beautiful Alba, Dawson, and Murphy and you have a great movie. If it came out earlier it probably would be higher on my list.
#5 Kill Bill: Volume One: I really enjoyed these movies and as hard it is to believe that Uma Thurman could be Samuraiesque she is actually pretty believable with a sword. Toss in Tarentino as the director and this goes down as one of the best action movies ever.
#4 True Lies: I had to have one Arnold movie on my list and I think this beats out both Terminators and Eraser as the one. This movie has everything great action, a great striptease, and of course the funniest character I have ever seen, Bill Paxton as the used car salesman. “The Vet gets the wet”. I love this movie.
#3 Heat: A very realistic action movie that has some great acting performances by DeNiro, Pacino, and Kilmer. Michael Mann is probably my second favorite action director behind Tarentino and that is a close second with films like this Last of the Mohicans, Collateral, and Miami Vice.
#2 Platoon: The only war movie to make my list. This is a really violent and really realistic action movie that I think Oliver Stone hits a home run on. This movie is not for everyone but if Vietnam was anything like this it could be possible the most fucked up place in the world.
#1 Pulp Fiction: I don’t know if this is technically an action movie because Tarentino could have his own genre all together. However this movie is one of my favorite movies of all time. The dialogue is amazing, the action is real, and there are some really funny parts. Throw in a great script and you have my #1 action movie of all-time.
Honorble Mention:
Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, Braveheart, Return of the Jedi, Empire Strikes Back, The Rock, Eraser, Terminator 1 and 2, Jaws, and Saving Private Ryan.
Wednesday, February 21, 2007
Humpday: Linda Cardellini
Well to no suprise I found out this bombshell has also donned the scrubs in her role in ER. Since I have not watched that show since the Clooney days however there was no way for me to know. The star of the film Grandma's Boy has been stuck in TV for most of her career, but I think this vixen is ready for big things on the big screen. I hope so.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
DVD Rental Day: Christopher Walken
Last week I was watching star wars and was wondering if Mark Hamill had done any other movies. When I looked him up I found an interesting tidbit that Chris Walken was one of the finalist to play Han Solo. I think he would have been great in that role and it probably would have led to a different career for him. I have enjoyed many roles that he has played and I would like to share a few that I really enjoyed.
Suicide Kings: This movie is about a group of kids that kidnap a mob boss as ransom in order to get there kidnapped friend back. Walken plays the smart, comical mob boss and the dialogue of his character is very good. I always enjoy Walken monologues and dialogues because he delivers better than almost anyone. This movie has some twists and some good smaller performances by Jay Mohr and Dennis Leary.
Last Man Standing: In this movie Walken plays a villain opposite Bruce Willis. This is a really entertaining action movie that takes place as a Western even though it is supposed to be set sometime during the early to mid 1900s. I think Walken should definately take more movies where he is a villain.
Joe Dirt: Again Walken is not a leading role, but I believe he takes this movie from being ok to being really funny. Walken plays a janitor at a school, but he is only doing this as part of his witness protection. He delivers the same comedic genious that you often see when he is on SNL and I believe is one of the most underrated comedic actors that is out there.
Suicide Kings: This movie is about a group of kids that kidnap a mob boss as ransom in order to get there kidnapped friend back. Walken plays the smart, comical mob boss and the dialogue of his character is very good. I always enjoy Walken monologues and dialogues because he delivers better than almost anyone. This movie has some twists and some good smaller performances by Jay Mohr and Dennis Leary.
Last Man Standing: In this movie Walken plays a villain opposite Bruce Willis. This is a really entertaining action movie that takes place as a Western even though it is supposed to be set sometime during the early to mid 1900s. I think Walken should definately take more movies where he is a villain.
Joe Dirt: Again Walken is not a leading role, but I believe he takes this movie from being ok to being really funny. Walken plays a janitor at a school, but he is only doing this as part of his witness protection. He delivers the same comedic genious that you often see when he is on SNL and I believe is one of the most underrated comedic actors that is out there.
Monday, February 19, 2007
A new #1!!!
Bucky Fucking Badger. I didnt think I would ever see this day when my beloved Badgers sat atop the mountain of college basketball. Wow! I dont even really know what to say except this Sundays game will be the biggest regular season game ever for the Badgers. Here is to not looking past those pesky Spartans and going into Columbus as the #1 team in the country. I can tell this is going to be one of the biggest rivalry's in college basketball as long as Thad and Bo remain coaches at the respective schools.
Lets get "fucked up"
In anticipation to my return to the drinking scene I would like to post a few blogs to reiterate why I drank in the first place. Like the hilarious comedian Katt Williams would say, "white people do not care what they drink when the go out the only worry about what they say when the leave the door. I am going to get fucked up tonight!" Well I agree with you Katt I drink to get fucked up. Getting "fucked up" is fun as hell. It is great for doing shit you normally wouldnt like dancing, making out with fat chicks, or destructing anything in your path. It helps you get in touch with your emotions. Hell I have had some of my most interesting heart to hearts with people that are either "fucked up" or wondering how i got so "fucked up". It is also great to mess with people that are "fucked up", like drawing on there face, shaving there head, or the classic antiquing. Just remember a few things. You will do things you will regret and no matter how drunk you are using the excuse that you were too drunk, or I dont remember doing that is not a valid excuse. It may be true but you are the dumbass that put yourself in that situation. You cannot be angry at your friends for fucking with you when you are drunk. Again you put yourself in that situation they shouldnt babysit . Instead go by my motto dont get mad get even. If you boy takes your chinese food that you ordered and puts it all over your face because you were too drunk to eat it. Dont be pissed about there is no point and it probably served up a lot of laughter for those involved. Last but not least remember this you can hurt people very badly by your actions when you are "fucked up" so try not to put yourself in those situations. Like asking your cousin to give you a ride home in his Honda Pilot and then puking all over his leather interior. With that being said here is a story about a time when I got a little too "fucked up".
My second senior year was wild, as it should be, I was finishing school and I knew the days of having nothing to worry about except how much booze you can mix with weed before you pass out were nearly over. So I wanted to make the most of it. I was getting into the bad habit of being "that guy". I dont need to explain this but lets just say I could not function after a certain time in the night and that was usually about 2 oclock. My friend Noel was great about coming to visit me at school but come to think of it I never remember actually hanging out with him while he was down. I always got too drunk, got lost, and ended passing out before we could meet up. Well he usually came back to my place to find me in this state and realize this was the perfect opportunity to fuck with me. Well one night he did just that. I was passed out in my room and he decided to dump a glass of water on me. Just water right no problem. Well that may be true unless that water is used as a sticking agent for the fucking bag of flour that is poured on your head. I did not wake up through any of this even though I faintly remember my roommate mark telling noel that he didnt know if he should dump the flour because I would be really really pissed. Well my GF at the time was great at taking care of me when I put myself in these situations. She came over and saw the carnage and woke me up wiped the flour off the bed and let me sleep in peace. Well to thank her for all of her troubles what did I do, well simple I peed on her. She woke me up again this time to tell me that I was peeing on her and I needed to go to the bathroom. She stripped my sheets made the bed and let me go back a sleep again. Sara if you read this thanks because you handled that like a true champ and you had every right to knee me in the nuts. Well the next morning I woke up feeling like shit and I was filled in to why my room was so dirty and why i was sleeping without a sheet on my bed. I have nothing but the story from that night, which was filled in for me the next day, but I will always have that. Getting "fucked up" is really fun and I plan on looking back at all of these stories and saying wow we dont really party like that anymore. However there is a reason for that one I want to live to be forty, two not knowing what you are doing is not a good idea so you should try and avoid those situations, and lastly you can have as much fun by toning it down a few notches and not being that "guy". Well I know there really is no moral to this storty except maybe this. Getting "fucked up" has taught me what a good time is and what a bad time is for me and my friends and you have a choice of limiting those bad times by controlling how much you drink. I hope that the time away from drinking will allow me to do just that.
My second senior year was wild, as it should be, I was finishing school and I knew the days of having nothing to worry about except how much booze you can mix with weed before you pass out were nearly over. So I wanted to make the most of it. I was getting into the bad habit of being "that guy". I dont need to explain this but lets just say I could not function after a certain time in the night and that was usually about 2 oclock. My friend Noel was great about coming to visit me at school but come to think of it I never remember actually hanging out with him while he was down. I always got too drunk, got lost, and ended passing out before we could meet up. Well he usually came back to my place to find me in this state and realize this was the perfect opportunity to fuck with me. Well one night he did just that. I was passed out in my room and he decided to dump a glass of water on me. Just water right no problem. Well that may be true unless that water is used as a sticking agent for the fucking bag of flour that is poured on your head. I did not wake up through any of this even though I faintly remember my roommate mark telling noel that he didnt know if he should dump the flour because I would be really really pissed. Well my GF at the time was great at taking care of me when I put myself in these situations. She came over and saw the carnage and woke me up wiped the flour off the bed and let me sleep in peace. Well to thank her for all of her troubles what did I do, well simple I peed on her. She woke me up again this time to tell me that I was peeing on her and I needed to go to the bathroom. She stripped my sheets made the bed and let me go back a sleep again. Sara if you read this thanks because you handled that like a true champ and you had every right to knee me in the nuts. Well the next morning I woke up feeling like shit and I was filled in to why my room was so dirty and why i was sleeping without a sheet on my bed. I have nothing but the story from that night, which was filled in for me the next day, but I will always have that. Getting "fucked up" is really fun and I plan on looking back at all of these stories and saying wow we dont really party like that anymore. However there is a reason for that one I want to live to be forty, two not knowing what you are doing is not a good idea so you should try and avoid those situations, and lastly you can have as much fun by toning it down a few notches and not being that "guy". Well I know there really is no moral to this storty except maybe this. Getting "fucked up" has taught me what a good time is and what a bad time is for me and my friends and you have a choice of limiting those bad times by controlling how much you drink. I hope that the time away from drinking will allow me to do just that.
Friday, February 16, 2007
Retro Blog Post
I am sorry this week of the blog has been pretty lame. and I dont have anything planned for today. I have been pretty busy with work and working on my place trying to get everything done by the first weekend in March. So I will just give you one of my favorite posts from my old blog. It was number 2 on my most embarrassing moments. I hope you enjoy.
As most of you can tell there is something that most of the stories have in common, I was in high school. Well for me it was a fun yet embarrassing time this next story is no different. I have mentioned before how big of a change it was going from freshman to sophomore year. One thing I hated about being a freshman is that the girls that you think are gorgeous will not give you the time of day and if they do it is usually to tease and ridicule you. Well that is exactly what I got from the senior girls my entire freshman year and as you will see I am mostly to blame. Going into high school my experience with females had been extremely limited to a few make-out sessions. Believe me this was not due to a lack of effort. The summer before freshman year was to be different I told myself. I needed to lock it up. Once after a MATC basketball games a group of the would be Senior girls asked four of my friends and I to go swimming. At first we all thought they were joking I mean the hottest girls in our school asking us to go swimming with them, but we decided what the hell do we have to lose. When we got there I could not have been more nervous. The girls were being way to cool these were girls I have never even talked too, yet they still acted as if they were interested. It wasn’t long before the girls were swimming topless and we were all experiencing the times of our lives. One of the girls was simply to much for a youngster like me. Simply put she had amazing breasts and it was so secret that I wanted to go on a motor boat ride. I think she could tell that I was into her because out of the blue she came up with what could be considered the best proposition ever. I am not sure how it came up, but she had asked if I had ever “felt up a girl” to which I of course replied, “yes”, which she obviously didn’t believe. She then asked me if she could be my first. Now you have to understand this is not what I envisioned when the scene went through my head over and over again, but fuck it, I did not think I would ever get a chance like this again. The problem was my friends had now heard what was going on and the watching and heckling began and the pressure was mounting. In front of me were a pair of the most beautiful breasts I have ever laid my eyes on behind a bunch of horned up d-bags. Now I was under the impression that feeling up a girl was not something that you could do incorrectly. I mean how hard could it be. Boy was I wrong. As I reached my hand out I reached out as if I was giving her a high five and I gave her what would be known for years as the “flat-hand”, basically it looked as if I was ringing a doorbell. She immediately broke into laughter and so did my friends, but what the fuck did I care the spank bank was lowering rates if you know what I mean. So to me that was not embarrassing what was those girls making fun of my incompetence for the entire year. I mean cut this kid some slack, I was overwhelmed by the situation.
As most of you can tell there is something that most of the stories have in common, I was in high school. Well for me it was a fun yet embarrassing time this next story is no different. I have mentioned before how big of a change it was going from freshman to sophomore year. One thing I hated about being a freshman is that the girls that you think are gorgeous will not give you the time of day and if they do it is usually to tease and ridicule you. Well that is exactly what I got from the senior girls my entire freshman year and as you will see I am mostly to blame. Going into high school my experience with females had been extremely limited to a few make-out sessions. Believe me this was not due to a lack of effort. The summer before freshman year was to be different I told myself. I needed to lock it up. Once after a MATC basketball games a group of the would be Senior girls asked four of my friends and I to go swimming. At first we all thought they were joking I mean the hottest girls in our school asking us to go swimming with them, but we decided what the hell do we have to lose. When we got there I could not have been more nervous. The girls were being way to cool these were girls I have never even talked too, yet they still acted as if they were interested. It wasn’t long before the girls were swimming topless and we were all experiencing the times of our lives. One of the girls was simply to much for a youngster like me. Simply put she had amazing breasts and it was so secret that I wanted to go on a motor boat ride. I think she could tell that I was into her because out of the blue she came up with what could be considered the best proposition ever. I am not sure how it came up, but she had asked if I had ever “felt up a girl” to which I of course replied, “yes”, which she obviously didn’t believe. She then asked me if she could be my first. Now you have to understand this is not what I envisioned when the scene went through my head over and over again, but fuck it, I did not think I would ever get a chance like this again. The problem was my friends had now heard what was going on and the watching and heckling began and the pressure was mounting. In front of me were a pair of the most beautiful breasts I have ever laid my eyes on behind a bunch of horned up d-bags. Now I was under the impression that feeling up a girl was not something that you could do incorrectly. I mean how hard could it be. Boy was I wrong. As I reached my hand out I reached out as if I was giving her a high five and I gave her what would be known for years as the “flat-hand”, basically it looked as if I was ringing a doorbell. She immediately broke into laughter and so did my friends, but what the fuck did I care the spank bank was lowering rates if you know what I mean. So to me that was not embarrassing what was those girls making fun of my incompetence for the entire year. I mean cut this kid some slack, I was overwhelmed by the situation.
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Humpday: Sarah Chalke
I have had a crush on Sarah since her days from Roseanne. Now she is on the hit series Scrubs. I dont know what it is with women that work in hospitals. Freud may have been right. Wow an ultimate blog low. Enjoy!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Funny
For all you no limit fans or haters. Download the song pussy crook by Mystikal and then read this... http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=1513 I gurantee it will make you laugh.
DVD Rental Day: Stoner Movies
Not every funny movie is good to watch when you are stoned. In fact sometimes a movie that is not supposed to be funny is the best to watch. Believe me I have done much research in this subject.
Cannibal the Musical- This is the first movie by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. It is loosely based on a true story of a group of guys lost in the Rocky Mountains, when things start going bad one of the members of the group is forced to feast on his friends. Ok now imagine that with hilarious songs, a love story between man and horse, some great costumes, and South Park humor. RENT THIS MOVIE!!!
Shadow Warriors- This movie stars Hulk Hogan, Carl Weathers (Rocky), and Martin Kove (Karate Kid) I should stop my synopsis right now. These three play the role of missionaries fighting in the name of what is right. As you can imagine the story is horrible, the acting is worse but if you are looking for a lot of laughs watch this movie.
Loaded Weapon- Now this movie is funny to me all the time. It is the best spoof movie ever made yes better than blazing saddles, airplane, and spaceballs. Emilio Estavez is right at home playing a renegade cop that does not like to play by the rules. Throw in a great performance William Shatner as the villain and funny cameos by Dennis Leary and Whoopi Goldberg and you have a outstanding stoner flick. Did I mention Samuel L plays Estavez partner.
Tokyo Drift- The whole premiss of this movie is hilarious to me. Ok American kid goes Tokyo starts hanging with the wrong crowd but he will let his driving skills do the talking. How does that sound like a good idea for a movie. It is just not believable that any resolution can be solved by a car race. The accompaning story is not much better as it involves drifting as part of the japanese culture and it can only really mean something if you "drift" in the purest form. Sounds like a bad movie well it is but it is funny as hell. Vin Diesel cameo is truly the best part of this movie.
Now go to your local video store, pick up a fat sack and enjoy! If you really want to have a good time enjoy these not only with a bowl but a glass of your favorite scotch.
Cannibal the Musical- This is the first movie by Trey Parker and Matt Stone. It is loosely based on a true story of a group of guys lost in the Rocky Mountains, when things start going bad one of the members of the group is forced to feast on his friends. Ok now imagine that with hilarious songs, a love story between man and horse, some great costumes, and South Park humor. RENT THIS MOVIE!!!
Shadow Warriors- This movie stars Hulk Hogan, Carl Weathers (Rocky), and Martin Kove (Karate Kid) I should stop my synopsis right now. These three play the role of missionaries fighting in the name of what is right. As you can imagine the story is horrible, the acting is worse but if you are looking for a lot of laughs watch this movie.
Loaded Weapon- Now this movie is funny to me all the time. It is the best spoof movie ever made yes better than blazing saddles, airplane, and spaceballs. Emilio Estavez is right at home playing a renegade cop that does not like to play by the rules. Throw in a great performance William Shatner as the villain and funny cameos by Dennis Leary and Whoopi Goldberg and you have a outstanding stoner flick. Did I mention Samuel L plays Estavez partner.
Tokyo Drift- The whole premiss of this movie is hilarious to me. Ok American kid goes Tokyo starts hanging with the wrong crowd but he will let his driving skills do the talking. How does that sound like a good idea for a movie. It is just not believable that any resolution can be solved by a car race. The accompaning story is not much better as it involves drifting as part of the japanese culture and it can only really mean something if you "drift" in the purest form. Sounds like a bad movie well it is but it is funny as hell. Vin Diesel cameo is truly the best part of this movie.
Now go to your local video store, pick up a fat sack and enjoy! If you really want to have a good time enjoy these not only with a bowl but a glass of your favorite scotch.
Monday, February 12, 2007
Monday
If you havent noticed the monday morning blog has gotten a lot more boring since I have not been drinking. A sober life= a boring life. Thanks to some help from my cousin I was able to get my room painted on Saturday and I love the way it turned out. Hopefully if we stick to schedule I will be moving in the weekend of the 24th. I have a lot of work to do until then but it is starting to look like a room. Not much more to report really as like I said this weekend was boring but I will try and post something later in the day.
Friday, February 9, 2007
Funny
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/4468884.stm
I had a case of the sober beer goggles last weekend. I actually think that is called desperation.
I had a case of the sober beer goggles last weekend. I actually think that is called desperation.
Top Ten: People I would love to trade places with
This list could be the top million people I want to trade places with but I will try and narrow it down to ten. No criteria really but I think you will see some common denominator's.
#10 Jamie Fox (actor, comedian, singer) There is really nothing this guy cannot do. The truth is I really dont like him but there are not many people that can say they have a movie, a record, and do stand-up. Im sure it bodes well with the ladies.
#9 Tiger Woods (The greatest Athlete of my time) Yes Jordan he is a more dominate athlete than you. I believe he makes around 150 million dollars a year and I think I could put that money to good use. He also is married to a swedish model nuff said.
#8 John Mayer (Singer, Songwriter) Again another person i dont like but anyone that is currently hooking up with Jessica Simpson makes my list.
#7 Chuck Lidell (UFC fighter) Not many people can boast they can flat out beat the shit out of anyone they meet. Chuck is also an accountant so he is smart and at the last UFC fight I saw him with two women. It must be hard.
#6 Dave Chappelle (Comedian) To be the funniest person on the planet. I think it would have its benefits.
#5 Tom Brady (Football player) From backup to superstar. Brady's ride is truly storybook. Now he can be seen with the hottest women in the world. With his 3 superbowl victories he has already cemented himself in the top 5 qbs of all time.
#4 Bill Gates ( Richest man in the world) Who cares how nerdy you are. Stealing a line from Big Ern, "I can finally buy my way out of anything", thats how Gates must feel all the time.
#3 Brad Pitt (Actor) Hmmm gets to play role of the cool guy in every role. Dated Gwenyth didnt work, dated Jennifer didnt work out, finally settled with Angelina...Not bad.
#2 Hugh Hefner(Founder of Playboy) Would have been number one last week. I am going to build a mansion and only have parties and gorgeous women there all the time. I pick who I want to sleep with from the sexiest women on the planet. Yeah I think I could make that work.
#1 Justin Timberlake (Singer, Actor) I am a fan of the music and he looks promising as an actor, but the real reason he is number one is this Hot Britney, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansen are you fucking kidding me. I would sell my soul to the devil just to sniff his boxers.
Lets hear your lists!
#10 Jamie Fox (actor, comedian, singer) There is really nothing this guy cannot do. The truth is I really dont like him but there are not many people that can say they have a movie, a record, and do stand-up. Im sure it bodes well with the ladies.
#9 Tiger Woods (The greatest Athlete of my time) Yes Jordan he is a more dominate athlete than you. I believe he makes around 150 million dollars a year and I think I could put that money to good use. He also is married to a swedish model nuff said.
#8 John Mayer (Singer, Songwriter) Again another person i dont like but anyone that is currently hooking up with Jessica Simpson makes my list.
#7 Chuck Lidell (UFC fighter) Not many people can boast they can flat out beat the shit out of anyone they meet. Chuck is also an accountant so he is smart and at the last UFC fight I saw him with two women. It must be hard.
#6 Dave Chappelle (Comedian) To be the funniest person on the planet. I think it would have its benefits.
#5 Tom Brady (Football player) From backup to superstar. Brady's ride is truly storybook. Now he can be seen with the hottest women in the world. With his 3 superbowl victories he has already cemented himself in the top 5 qbs of all time.
#4 Bill Gates ( Richest man in the world) Who cares how nerdy you are. Stealing a line from Big Ern, "I can finally buy my way out of anything", thats how Gates must feel all the time.
#3 Brad Pitt (Actor) Hmmm gets to play role of the cool guy in every role. Dated Gwenyth didnt work, dated Jennifer didnt work out, finally settled with Angelina...Not bad.
#2 Hugh Hefner(Founder of Playboy) Would have been number one last week. I am going to build a mansion and only have parties and gorgeous women there all the time. I pick who I want to sleep with from the sexiest women on the planet. Yeah I think I could make that work.
#1 Justin Timberlake (Singer, Actor) I am a fan of the music and he looks promising as an actor, but the real reason he is number one is this Hot Britney, Cameron Diaz, Jessica Biel, and Scarlett Johansen are you fucking kidding me. I would sell my soul to the devil just to sniff his boxers.
Lets hear your lists!
I need your help
A few people have recently come up to me and have given some great ideas about possible blog topics. For those people be patient I am working on them. Too the rest of you i want some feedback of what works or you want to see more of and what you would like to see less of. I just want to point out that anyone that reads this that has an email address can post on my blog so please give me some feedback. I ensure you it will make reading this more enjoyable for everyone.
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
Humpday: Katherine Heigl
The ever gorgeous Katherine Heigl will give a reason for guys to tune in and watch Greys Anatomy with there ladies or if there boys are not around. I watch it for the great chemistry among characters and of course Dr McDreamy. Regardless she doesnt look quite this good in scrubs. She is starring in a new movie by the director of 40 year old virgin called Knocked Up.
Tuesday, February 6, 2007
DVD Rental Day
Every Tuesday i am going to give a list of 3 movies you should go out and rent. Myself I think I am going to rent Flags of Our Fathers tonight but I have not seen that so i cannot give a little review. So here goes it I will try and mix it up so there is something for everyone.
The Cooler- This is a really good film about Bernie (William H. Macy) who works at a casino and his job is to give players bad luck. The casino manager (Alec Baldwin) is from the older Las Vegas and he still believes in "coolers". Bernie's bad luck runs out when he meets this seemingly perfect girl. This movie has some great performances from Macy, Baldwin, and Maria Bello. It is not a fancy box office movie but it does have a quality story and great performances to back it up.
Requiem for a Dream- This is a drug exploitation film that is very well done. It chronicles the stories of different drug users have and the spiraling journey downward that drugs can often influence. Director Darren Aronofsky is one of my favorites and this movie will make it hard for you to turn your head. Jared Leto, Marlan Wayans, and Jennifer Connely all deliver strong performances. Aronofsky films this is in a way that you really feel like you are going through the same experience as the users in the film and you feel this all the way to the bottom.
Hoop Dreams- This is a documentary about two Chicago area basketball players who get accepted in the same private high school that the legendary Isiah Thomas attended. It follows them from 8th grade into college. This is the best documentary I have ever seen and I recommend it to anyone. Guys and girls you will both like this film.
The Cooler- This is a really good film about Bernie (William H. Macy) who works at a casino and his job is to give players bad luck. The casino manager (Alec Baldwin) is from the older Las Vegas and he still believes in "coolers". Bernie's bad luck runs out when he meets this seemingly perfect girl. This movie has some great performances from Macy, Baldwin, and Maria Bello. It is not a fancy box office movie but it does have a quality story and great performances to back it up.
Requiem for a Dream- This is a drug exploitation film that is very well done. It chronicles the stories of different drug users have and the spiraling journey downward that drugs can often influence. Director Darren Aronofsky is one of my favorites and this movie will make it hard for you to turn your head. Jared Leto, Marlan Wayans, and Jennifer Connely all deliver strong performances. Aronofsky films this is in a way that you really feel like you are going through the same experience as the users in the film and you feel this all the way to the bottom.
Hoop Dreams- This is a documentary about two Chicago area basketball players who get accepted in the same private high school that the legendary Isiah Thomas attended. It follows them from 8th grade into college. This is the best documentary I have ever seen and I recommend it to anyone. Guys and girls you will both like this film.
Monday, February 5, 2007
Top Ten: Villains
The criteria for the list is pretty simple. I looked at the character, and the performance of an actor portraying the character. Not all movies have a true villain so i may have went with the bad guy in the movie too.
#10 Bob Sugar (Jerry Maguirre) Jay Mohr can play an asshole better than anyone except maybe Alec Baldwin and Dennis Leary. He is so good in this movie that he makes the list doing a comedy something no one else on this list does.
#9 Johnny Ringo (Tombstone) One of my favorite Western characters. Ringo, played by Michael Biehn (another of my favorite underrated actors), is a great rival to the two heros of the film Wyat Erp and Doc Holiday. The final scene between Ringo is Holiday is a dream for all of those that like a bad ass duel.
#8 Hans Gruber (Die Hard) Alan Rickman's portrayal of a terrorist is somewhat not convincing but his portrayal of an angry German who cannot believe that some asshole is spoiling his genius plan of robbing a bank during the Xmas party is classic. *Spoiler* Rickman will apear again on this list.
#7 Ivan Drago (Rocky IV) American Hero faces Soviet Giant the stakes the Cold War. What a fitting story for this villain to shine. Dolph Lundgren could be one of the worst actors of all time but his role as the pissed of Commy is outstanding. Note- Not even close to my favorite Rocky but Drago has some classic lines. "I must break you" and "If he dies he dies".
#6 Warden Samuel Norton (Shawshank Redemption) A warden like this truly makes the outcome of this movie all the more enjoyable. I hated this guy and I remember hearing people cheering when he gives himself the easy way out.
#5 Sheriff of Nottingham (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) Rickman again delivers this time as the role of the evil sheriff. I really thought that he made me like this movie as the stars Costner, Freeman, and even Slater were not really that good.
#4 Bill "The Butcher" Cutting (Gangs of New York) I almost made this #1 that is how close my top 4 are. Danielle Day Lewis' role in this movie is one of the most chilling I have ever seen. He is a horrible man yet you feel for him when he is betrayed by someone who is close to him. He deserved an award for this movie IMHO.
#3 Joker (Batman) There is not much you can say about Jack Nicholson's performance in this movie other than if he was not in it this would be a horrible movie. Was any one else rooting for him at the end when he was hanging on the ladder rope from the chopper? Great performance.
#2 Hanibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) Note I put only Silence of the Lambs up there becaue I think the other movies have really taken away from Hopkins performance in Silence. Still I don't think I have been as scared of one man in my life. Any character that inspires a prequel to the prequel will make my list.
#1 Amon Goeth (Schindler's List) It may be how much i really enjoyed this movie or the fact that Goeth was the leader of a concentration camp but this is truly my favorite villain. Ralph Fiennes is as good as they come as an actor and truly underrated. His role is spectacular as you even feel some compassion for this horrible man.
#10 Bob Sugar (Jerry Maguirre) Jay Mohr can play an asshole better than anyone except maybe Alec Baldwin and Dennis Leary. He is so good in this movie that he makes the list doing a comedy something no one else on this list does.
#9 Johnny Ringo (Tombstone) One of my favorite Western characters. Ringo, played by Michael Biehn (another of my favorite underrated actors), is a great rival to the two heros of the film Wyat Erp and Doc Holiday. The final scene between Ringo is Holiday is a dream for all of those that like a bad ass duel.
#8 Hans Gruber (Die Hard) Alan Rickman's portrayal of a terrorist is somewhat not convincing but his portrayal of an angry German who cannot believe that some asshole is spoiling his genius plan of robbing a bank during the Xmas party is classic. *Spoiler* Rickman will apear again on this list.
#7 Ivan Drago (Rocky IV) American Hero faces Soviet Giant the stakes the Cold War. What a fitting story for this villain to shine. Dolph Lundgren could be one of the worst actors of all time but his role as the pissed of Commy is outstanding. Note- Not even close to my favorite Rocky but Drago has some classic lines. "I must break you" and "If he dies he dies".
#6 Warden Samuel Norton (Shawshank Redemption) A warden like this truly makes the outcome of this movie all the more enjoyable. I hated this guy and I remember hearing people cheering when he gives himself the easy way out.
#5 Sheriff of Nottingham (Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves) Rickman again delivers this time as the role of the evil sheriff. I really thought that he made me like this movie as the stars Costner, Freeman, and even Slater were not really that good.
#4 Bill "The Butcher" Cutting (Gangs of New York) I almost made this #1 that is how close my top 4 are. Danielle Day Lewis' role in this movie is one of the most chilling I have ever seen. He is a horrible man yet you feel for him when he is betrayed by someone who is close to him. He deserved an award for this movie IMHO.
#3 Joker (Batman) There is not much you can say about Jack Nicholson's performance in this movie other than if he was not in it this would be a horrible movie. Was any one else rooting for him at the end when he was hanging on the ladder rope from the chopper? Great performance.
#2 Hanibal Lecter (Silence of the Lambs) Note I put only Silence of the Lambs up there becaue I think the other movies have really taken away from Hopkins performance in Silence. Still I don't think I have been as scared of one man in my life. Any character that inspires a prequel to the prequel will make my list.
#1 Amon Goeth (Schindler's List) It may be how much i really enjoyed this movie or the fact that Goeth was the leader of a concentration camp but this is truly my favorite villain. Ralph Fiennes is as good as they come as an actor and truly underrated. His role is spectacular as you even feel some compassion for this horrible man.
Friday, February 2, 2007
Breaking News Farve to be back in 07!!!
Who fucking cares. Put me down in the hate Bret Favre camp. I think he is a great player, a cool guy, and one of the best QBs of all-time. There is no reason for me not to like this guys except for the one reason that he plays for the Green Bay Packers and I know hundreds of people that would blow this guy just because he is Bret Favre. I absolutey cannot stand the way Packer fans get excited over Brett Favre. Or the annoucers after Favre throws his 4th pick of the game forcing some bullshit saying, "oh that is just Bret being Bret," what the fuck does that mean. Who wants to come to my party for the day Brett misses his first game. It will be this year and I will be throwing a party watching the helpless Packers play and inevitably lose. I know I am ranting, but Packer fans disgust me and there would be nothing that would make me happier than Favre walking away from football. With that said go Bears on Sunday.
Thursday, February 1, 2007
Top 5: Frozen Pizzas
I am pretty sure I can call myself an expert on this subject and as you know I like to keep my blogs to things I know about. The criteria of my list is simple: Taste, price, amount of toppings.
#5 Jacks- an old favorite of mine that you can still pick up for cheap 5 for 10. They have a good amount of different kinds of toppings so you can get a pizza for any mood. Downfall is they usually dont load up on there toppings.
#4 Jacks Rising Crust- A little bit more expensive than the Jacks thin but well worth it. These pizzas are delicious and are usually loaded with toppings.
#3 Tony's- Thanks Noel for turning me onto this gem. They are as cheap as Jacks thin crust and I believe taste better. Again they short you on the amount of toppings.
#2 Home Run Inn- This tops out on the best tasting frozen pizza and to be honest it is not even close. But at $7 a it is hard to stomach paying that much for a frozen pizza. I would say it tastes better than most delivery pizza though.
#1 Emils- Great tasting, loaded with toppings, and you can find them 3 for 10. Mostly known as bar pizza this is great for a late night after boozing with your friends.
I want to hear your lists. Come on people C$$ is in Cali so I need everyone else to pick it up.
#5 Jacks- an old favorite of mine that you can still pick up for cheap 5 for 10. They have a good amount of different kinds of toppings so you can get a pizza for any mood. Downfall is they usually dont load up on there toppings.
#4 Jacks Rising Crust- A little bit more expensive than the Jacks thin but well worth it. These pizzas are delicious and are usually loaded with toppings.
#3 Tony's- Thanks Noel for turning me onto this gem. They are as cheap as Jacks thin crust and I believe taste better. Again they short you on the amount of toppings.
#2 Home Run Inn- This tops out on the best tasting frozen pizza and to be honest it is not even close. But at $7 a it is hard to stomach paying that much for a frozen pizza. I would say it tastes better than most delivery pizza though.
#1 Emils- Great tasting, loaded with toppings, and you can find them 3 for 10. Mostly known as bar pizza this is great for a late night after boozing with your friends.
I want to hear your lists. Come on people C$$ is in Cali so I need everyone else to pick it up.
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