Caption Contest #5

Good luck! I dont even have one right now this picture is just too bizarre, I will be posting my caption later in the week. Zirbs you are kicking ass so far in the caption contests. This one should be a challenge to even you.

Top Prospect

As you may know I am a pretty die hard Brewer fan and cannot wait for the season to start. Baseball America just came out with there top prospect list and Brewers SS Alcides Escobar is the number one SS prospect in all of baseball . Link. I have been reading a lot about Escobar and he profiles to be a top of the order hitter and may project to be something of a Jose Reyes type player. Though his speed and OB abilities are probably never going to be as good as Reyes his fielding is already much better. Enjoy JJ while we have him because his days in Milwaukee appear numbered.

I Completely Agree

I haven't posted anything political since President Obama got into the White House. But I love this video. I think much of America would agree. I don't know what to think of his 800 billion dollar stimulus plan. I do not see how I am going to be effected really. I guess all the money spent in repairing infrastructure could end up helping LCG in the long run, if the state can focus there spending on other places like it seems to be doing. However in Madison the state has been spending a lot on new projects for the last 10 years, I dont see it getting better than it has been. Otherwise I dont see much in terms of tax breaks. More or less breaks for people that are much more worse off than me. Still I dont really understand how this is going to fix the economy? It seems like administering a band-aid on an amputated limb. I worry that it will not create nearly enough jobs. Only a small percentage of the unemployed will be working on these shovel ready projects, and I agree that it may help short term, but it also seems like the Govt is robbing from Peter to pay Paul.

Personally I dont get the attitude that our govt needs to spend money to make money. I am not the brighest cat in the world but I dont see that ever working. Personally what I have done is limited my going out to one night a weekend, tried to make more meals and lunches instead of going out for them, and tried to watch the stock market for a bottom so I can try and get in while it is truly beaten up. I for one am making my mortage payment on time every month, and purchased a house within my means so I am not worried about getting over my head. Even with a baby looming I feel like I am a pretty good spot finacially. However I now know that I am not going to see any relief from my govt and it really doesnt suprise me. I still believe the best way to get out of a reccession is to allow Americans to have as much of there money as possible and cut spending, but what do I know. I know this blog has a lot of Barack support so I would love to get some takes on the stimulus package and video.

William Elliot Whitmore

So, this weekend was the big roadtrip to Iowa City. My buddy Trike insisted that I see a deep-blues musician by the name of William Elliot Whitmore play live in his home state of Iowa. We white-knuckled the drive down to IC in the snowstorm on Saturday afternoon, stayed at a really cool downtown hotel called Vetro and went out on the town. IC is a good place to hang out. There is a pedestrian mall downtown that is a couple of blocks long, with a lot of bars and restaurants, not unlike State Street in Madison. I had listened to some of Will's recordings before making the trip, just to get familiar, but I really wasn't prepared for what I saw. A sellout crowd at the Picador was expecting it, but I wasn't. I was really blown away by the raw talent and emotion of this down-to-earth farm boy. He even chatted it up with us a little before the show and let my buddy Trike get a picture with him. Trike bought a banjo a few months ago and started taking lessons. I'm pretty sure his love for WEW is the driving force there.

Here's a video of live performance that is pretty similar to what we saw, except the crowd was

Hilarious Breakup

My cousin Brad sent me this email chain that is floating around of an email breakup. It is absolutely hilarious. I don't have too many funny breakup stories. I did break up with a girl that I had dated for years at a bar pretty much out of the blue. The breakup was needed however I could not of handled it any worse. Please share some of your funny break up stories.

Caption Contest #4

I am going with TK as the winner of last weeks caption contest. Which is linked here. Good luck to everyone this week. The responses have been hilarious so far.

"Cmon lady, I couldnt have been that bad."

I Want to Stick My Thumb in Your Butt!

Well as it turns out I wont have to move to Japan anytime soon. According to the ABC News article, kinky sex is on the rise in this country, and is becoming more and more accepted. All I can say is it is about fucking time. Personally I am not into bondage and I don't think I have any fetishes but I subscribe to the theory that whatever you and your loved one want to take part of in the bedroom should be ok. I don't believe there is anything out there that is too taboo. Basically the article is saying the rise in kinky sex can be correlated to the Internet, where you can find just about any crazy fucking sex act you would like. Chances are if there is something that peaks your interest you will find somebody on the Internet that has the same interest. I think this is fucking awesome. Why should some 40 year old man with a foot fetish be completely bored with his sex life? Just because you like something different certainly doesn't make it wrong. I would like some feed back on this taboo subject. Don't worry I wont ask for any of your kinky sex tales. However I will ask this, what are your thoughts of the world becoming more kinky in there sex lives? What do you think this can be attributed to? Also, in your personal opinion do you believe the Internet is responsible for this? If so do you think this is a good or bad thing? Come on people weigh in, everyone and I mean everyone likes to talk about sex. C$$$, hell you taught me have the things I know about kinky sex so I hope to god you have an opinion on this.

Movie Review: The Wrestler

Well quite simply this is the best movie I have seen in the past year, and would be my vote for best picture, though I have not seen all the nominees. As you may know by reading my reviews in the past that I care much more about great characters than i do about a great story. I movie can be good with an average story and great characters. I can name a lot of examples of that with There Will Be Blood coming to mind. However I do not feel you can have a good movie with out interesting characters even if the story is wonderful. This movie is about a Wrestler, who is passed his prime. That is quite possible the easiest review I have done for a movie. That is what this movie is about, however what makes this movie so fascinating is seeing what a man is willing to sacrifice to keep something alive. That something could be a dream, it could be a lifestyle, it could be a relationship. Mickey Rourke plays Randy the "Ram". A wrestler who has seen his star fade. The only other characters in the movie are Marisa Tomei who plays a stripper, who the Ram falls in love with and Evan Rachel Wood, who plays the Ram's daughter whom he is trying to repair there fractured relationship. Rourke and Tomei give oscar winning performances. These are not glamour characters, and they are not likeable in a sense. However the way these characters are portrayed you cannot help but feel so much for them.

Darren Arronofsky directed this masterpiece and if he already wasnt one of the best film makers out there, this will go a long way getting him there. This is shot on mostly hand held cameras, and the look and feel of this movie is amazing. You get the feeling that you have been to some of these same places that they have filmed, everything is so real. Another part of the filmaking I just loved were the shots from behind the characters. You get this a lot in this movie, and I always love this. You get to see through the characters perspective so to speak, and I always feel that this is a great way to shoot. In this film it really allows you to get inside the mind of a proffesional wrestler. There is so much that goes into those 10 minute performances in the arena. These guys tear there bodies down, for the show, for five minutes on the big stage. I truly cannot describe how remarkable I think this movie is. I went to this movie with my brother and he isnt the type to get caught up in a movie, or captivated by a movie, but he was blown away. We both were moved to tears in parts of this movie and I know for him that has not happened before. Go see this movie as soon as you can.

What's so funny?

The perks of being an old, housebroken family guy. Yeah, you have to take it easy on Saturday night because your kid is going to be up early Sunday. Yeah, you have to get up early Sunday and change a diaper. However, then something like this happens and you're pretty sure it's better than sleeping until noon with a hangover.

Snuggies are for losers...

Mildly NSFW due to some colorful language, just turn your speakers down and quit being such an ass-kisser.

The UFC Needs to Adopt This!

Take a look at this video. It is an MMA fight set to Mike Tyson's punchout. I dont think I would ever miss a fight if they showed them like this. It reminds me of when I was about 6 years old and my cousin TK showed me how to get to Mike Tyson, unfortunately the only person I know to beat Iron Mike was my friend Silver. He wore the championship belt around the dorms for weeks.

Caption Contest #3

My vote for last weeks winner would have to go to TK or Zirbel. Thanks for the participation and I plan on keeping this going. I have a library full of fucked up pictures.

"And to think, I thought it would be impossible to meet a soulmate on match.com."

Dropping the Duece at Work

As our readers, all 3 of them, continue their transition period from college students to full-time employees, there is an important issue that must be resolved. When you're in college, you're usually never required to be in any one place for more than a couple of hours. Then, you move on. So, there are plenty of opportunities to retire to a secret lair to "leave a few things behind." You can even make it back to your home base most of the time and, even when you can't, you have time to get to a secluded spot.

When I was at UW-Madison in the mid-90's. I found a couple such save havens. The basement level bathrooms in Agriculture Hall were all but abandoned. You almost felt like Lewis & Clark discovering new territory, because the clean facilities were the only evidence of prior human presence. When the new business school (Grainger Hall) opened on the East end of campus, it became a prime destination. Luxury accommodations. I remember walking over there with a crew of 4 or 5 guys for the sole purpose of lining up in neighboring stalls and passing newspaper sections back and forth under the partitions. (Another change in the working world - group dumping is frowned upon.) Those new bathrooms were so beautiful and clean, I almost wanted to lie down on the floor next to the bowl and take a nap when I was done.

However, graduation comes. It's nice to get a job, finally have a little spending money, etc. However, one of the things you realize in those first couple of years is that your life is much more regimented. You're on a schedule. You have to be in an office or worksite and you have to be there all day. You eat at the same times each day, you go to sleep and get up at the same time each day and when this transition to working stiff is complete, you end up visiting the throne room at the same times each day. You have to. You don't get to decide. You can't push the appointment back an hour. You can't reschedule to the lunch hour on Tuesday. You have to take care of your business. Of course, this means dumping at work.

Dumping at work is a trick because you really don't want people to know you're doing it. You want to keep it on the down low. Hush-hush. On the QT. Also important, you don't want to know that other people are doing it. You don't want to smell it, you don't want to hear it, you want nothing to do with it. Yet, there's just one bathroom on your floor and so many potential users. What to do?

Fortunately, more experienced veterans have passed down guides for our enlightenment. The following playbook has been reproduced so many times in so many places that I have no idea to whom credit could be given. However, I do know that this should be mandatory posting in all workplace restrooms, much like the EEOC and minimum wages posters must be posted in every workplace, by law.

As for me, I have to excuse myself because it is 9:15 a.m., and if I don't get in there before 9:30, I'll be sitting on a pre-warmed seat, breathing the stench from the guy down the hall. Nobody likes that. Nobody.

Disregard at your own risk:

Survival Guide for Taking a Dump at Work
Memorize these definitions and pooping at work will become a pure pleasure.
ESCAPEE
Definition: A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of panic/embarrassment. This is similar to the hot flash you receive when passing an unseen police car and speeding. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter at the urinal, pretend that you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee, it is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK (Used in conjunction with escapee)
Definition: When forcing poop, several farts slip out at a machine guns pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen do not panic, remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom so to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH
Definition: The act of flushing the toilet the instant the nose cone of the poop log hits the water and the poop is whisked away to an undisclosed location. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME
Definition: Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk-up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in. As with all farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER
Definition: A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out of the Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under their arm. Always look around the office for the Out of the Closet pooper before entering the bathroom.

THE POOPING FRIENDS NETWORK (PFN)
Definition: A group of coworkers who band together to ensure emergency pooping goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPERS and identify SAFE HAVENS.
SAFE HAVEN
Definition: A seldom used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooper of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR
Definition: A pooper who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that occur when work taking a dump at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the TURD BURGLAR leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH
Definition: A phony cough which alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON or to alert potential TURD BURGLARS. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE
Definition: A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential TURD BURGLARS that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an ASTAIRE, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON
Definition: A turd that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a WATERMELON coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANA OMELET
Definition: A load of diarrhea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an escapee. Try using a CAMO-COUGH with an ASTAIRE.

UNCLE TED
Definition: A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An UNCLE TED makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to drop your load when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

FLY BY
Definition: The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in, check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

CRACK WHORE
Definition: A crapper that has seen more ass than a Greyhound Bus. Tell tale signs of a CRACK WHORE include pubes, piss stains and streaks. Avoid a CRACK WHORES at all cost. Try finding out when the janitor cleans each particular bathroom. Don't forget, a CRACK WHORE can become a SAFE HAVEN.

Humpday: Brooklyn Decker

You can find Brooklyn in some of the upcoming SI swimsuit article. She is also engaged to Andy Roddick. God I wish I good at something.

Your Out at Third!

I found this pretty funny you can find more comics like this over at XKCD.

Wow!

I think I was in the same boat as everyone else when it comes to steroids in baseball, I was hoping it would just be done with. However in light of the biggest news of the day, Alex Rodriguez admitted using steroids for his three years in Texas. The best baseball players of our time all used roids, and baseball is dealt another black eye. With this latest news I think it is safe to say that this was a culture in baseball and that there was more than likely anywhere from 15 to 30% of players using performancing enhancing drugs. That is a pretty staggering amount, and it has caused an era in which you can longer believe anything you see. As far as I am concerned baseball should asterix the record books on any record that was broken in this era. I know that is unfair for the people not using but they should have spoke up. I am starting to think that MLB is to blame for what we have now. I think it is pretty evident they knew of mass steroid use and didnt know how to handle it so they tried to implement testing slowly so the big names didnt go down. Well they are starting to go down and to here baseball officials and GM's say they had no knowledge is ridiculous. At this point the only person you can trust on the matter is Jose Canseco becuase his book is starting to look completely true and everyone he linked has some evidence now pointing towards the use of steroids. As a huge fan of the game, I am at a loss of words. I think last year was probably the first year the game was completely clean and you could tell in a big way. HR totals way down, older players being forced out of the game, and younger players started to take over. I dont think we will ever see the day of a 35 year old second baseman belting 40 homers. Or somebody hitting 72 HR at the age of 34. I think I will always be a fan, but it is pretty depressing knowing that the last 10 years of baseball and maybe even longer was filled with players breaking the rules in order to get an advantage. I guess this could be compared to doping in the olympics or steroid use in other sports, but we have never seen it anywhere near this magnitude. I for one am embarrassed for the sport of baseball. This was once our national past time and now it compares more to WWF. Baseball needs to come clean, wipe the history books of any record that was broken in this era, and start distancing itself from this terrible ordeal.

Friday Fun Day

Yeah I got back to the Monkey Kick link somehow and I found this game "Quick Fire Pool" that reminded me of one of my favorite nintendo games Side Pocket. I can get to about rack 8 before I scratch and fuck everything up. Good luck.

Quick Fire Pool Pocket as many pool balls as you can before the time runs out!

Play this free game now!!

oh yeah

The Badgers are on, please don't lose this fucking game for Pete's steaks!
I am fucking outta here, I gotta drink to make.
Later pussies.

Pretty nice packaging

This video is for the packaging for one of my favorite indy rappers P.O.S. he is from MN under Rhymesayers. This guy is nuts and he just dropped a new album, tuesday. K-Deezy told me the album threw up all over him because it was so sick (he is hard to please so this album probably has diarrhea too). So I guess it is ok. Anyway I got this vid form the Burlesque Design blog too. I was thinking I would let you the reader go to the site and look at their cool shit. But then I remembered how lazy you are and figured If I want you to see something I had better post it, even if it is from a site I just told you to go to in the previous post. Fuck it, it is hard enough to get you ass wads to stop by our site half the time. So enjoy douche bags, and if you like good hip-hop buy this CD don't download it. Artist rarely care this much about the final product let alone their own music. cough..cou..any rapper that starts with young..cough...fag!

Pretty Sweet

I have always wanted to paint graffiti, too bad for me my brain doesnt work in this kind of creative capacity. The process to something of this scale is insane. One you have to think it up, that is one thing. Secondly you work backwards starting from base coats of color to final detail. Thirdly you have to wear a mask and be freestlying the whole time you are painting. Well the last part I made up, I just assumed that was part of the requirements. I found this at a super dope design firm called Brurlesque Design. BD is located in Minnesnota. So they get to work with some of my favorite indy rappers. Check out their site pretty cool shit.
Design
Blog



Pose and Ewok x Ironlak x SuperVision. from Ironlak on Vimeo.

Caption Contest #2

OK so last week we didnt get overwhelming support but I there were definately some comments that made me chuckle. Anyways, I know there are a bunch of people that read this blog that are too fucking cool to post a comment once in a while. You know who you are. Anyways for those that have been commenting frequently thank you, this blog has been much more fulfilling since people have been actually speaking up on it. So again I offer up a caption contest.

"Yeah! I just ate a dozen wings for each superbowl ring!"

BFD!

Over the weekend some pictures of multiple gold medal winner Michael Phelps surfaced of him partaking in some partying. I read a few articles where it is believed these pictures could cost him hundreds of million an endorsements. I mean this is probably going to sound obvious coming from my mouth, but I really don't see the problem here. I expect a few people to drop him, but his big sponsors will still be there, or at least will be there in four years. I mean Phelps is an idiot proven by his DUI days after the 04 games, and being at this party where obviously people didn't have a problem selling him out. So his judgement should definitely be questioned, but Cmon a 23 year old pot head? Is it really that big of a deal? I mean he wasn't shooting guns outside of the scripp club like Pacman, he wasn't holding an illegal dog fight ring, and he certainly doesn't have 13 or 14 illegitimate children. I cant blame Phelps for living this lifestyle. I think his OWI was a much bigger deal than this and that has dissapeared. I just think this is what is considered lead news stories right now. 23 year kid smokes pot. Wow real shocker there.

Superbowl Hangover

I didnt have any booze yesterday, and I feel like complete shit. Maybe it is the ten pounds of pure garbage I ate yesterday. I like the Superbowl, but I hate the day after.