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Only In Wisconsin

A Friday Rant Regarding Laziness

For the most part of the last year I have, done a good job fighting the one thing that has honestly held me back more than anything, laziness. I mean being able to self motivate has to be one of the best traits to have. Look at every truly successful person in this world and they all have the same ability to self motivate. For me this is a big problem, as I am too easily content.

So I have been spending years and years trying to find a cause for laziness. I think what most people would say is, "Gee, how can the kid that was handed everything on a golden platter, wonder why he is so lazy?" That is a good point, I was and still am a very fortunate young man. My parents did give me a lot, including a college tuition, that I tried to piss away. They have always been there for me in a time of need and both are in a situation where finacially they were always able to help. Spoiled some would call it. I dont care for any title of the sort because I do believe I am very thankful for what my parents have done, and I hope to do the same for my children some day. I also believe my parents made me work, I was working for my father from the age of 11 on weekends and began working summers at the age of 12. I never had a break from school where I did not work, and I usually tried to work there a bit while I was in school. Now I know for some of you, that seems like nothing, having two work one full time and often two jobs just to get through school. I am just saying, working has never been a problem for me, I am not afraid of hard work either as evident by the amount of work required to fix my duplex in a short period of time. I think my parents did a good job of giving me a work ethic, it may not be in line with my father or some people I know, but I wouldnt exactly call that a route of laziness either.

There is no possible way this problem can be genetic. My parents are two of the hardest working people I have ever met. When they are not busy at work, they are busy working on there 15 acre property. They seem to have a different project always going, and even in the late 50's there is no signs of slowing down. If hard work and self motivating was a part handed down from generation to generation, than I would be much further ahead right now.

Then the next logical answer I could think of was weed. What makes people more lazy than smoking a bowl? I mean if i do it, there is no chance you are getting something productive from me, in fact you can usually find me in one of two places places after I smoke, on the couch playing a video game, or in the kitchen making food. This seems logical, I have a chemical dependcy on something that is not only harmful, to my health, it is also harmful to my long term well being. However I sort of put that to bed, when I thought about when i smoke. I dont smoke before work, or early on the weekends, I usually smoke after I have been drinking or late at night. Really I think the weed is a bi-product of being lazy, moreso than Laziness is a bi product of weed.

So, after all this thought, which seriously I think about this a lot, in all the time I should be doing something productive. An irony that may best sum up the last ten years of my life. I have decided to pose the question to anyone that may be reading this blog. Can the route of laziness be determined, and if it can be will that stop me from being lazy? Hell right now I actually use laziness as an excuse. I have actually said, "I would have gotten it down, but I am too lazy". Does that line make any sense? I mean no shit, right! The worst part about laziness is I have gotten pretty far, even though I am lazy, it is scary where to think i would be if i had a little drive and motivation. Now I know this may seem like a pointless thread, but I am curious to know if others share my problem, or if any one knows a way to overcome laziness. The honest to god truth, is if I do find out, I may just think that the answer is rhetorical in nature, and just continue with the way I am going. The sad truth is I am just lazy enough to do that!

Top 10: Tailgate Experiences

With the Badger opener right around the corner, it is no better time than now, to post my ten favorite tailgate memories. I tried to include the date and who was playing, but as you may know by now the game often take second fiddle. I would like to say thanks for all those who helped make these moments so memorable, and I would like to apologize to all of you whose tailgates I have ruined because of drunkeness. Here it goes!

#10 Evanston Illinois, any Badger trip I have ever made. This actually has a lot of sentimental value to me. My late and dear aunt Joanie, was a Northwestern graduate, her husband is Wisconsin Alum. Each year we would go down and watch the Badgers square off against the Cats. Hands town the best food you will ever eat at a tailgate, and the company of all Brownes truly makes each trip memorable. Nothing like 20 of your closest family members heading into the lions den of Ryan Field, where the student section is reminiscent of my high schools.

#9 Dec 22nd 2002 (Packers vs Bills). Oh yes the mighty frozen tundra. My dear friend Mark Retzlaff hails from Green Bay, not originally of course, but when it comes to hosting a great tailgate few do it better than him and his parents. The weekend usually starts off with titty bars and barrel stands and ends with a Packer game. This game I tried something new to get me ready for a tailgate, the whacky tobaccy, knowing its side effects, happy, sleepy, tired, I didnt know what to expect. I think that was pretty evident when after the first half I leaned over to Mark and said, "I dont think I remember one play from the first half". Needless to say, the Packer tailgates are always memorable.

#8 Nov 8th, 2003 (Badgers vs Gophers). Anytime I can go a Badger game with my favorite Retzlaff, Roy, I am completely jacked up. Especially when he is buying $12 pitchers in downtwon Minneapolis. Again, the Retzlaff's took care of me in what turned out to be my first and last trip to the Gopher dome for a football game. Lets just put it this way, your tailgate only has to be mediocore, when they sell beers throughout the game inside the stadium.

#7 April 3rd, 2006 (Brewers vs Pirates). This was my first home opener and more importantly, it was the first game I had ever been to with my cousins Chad and Montana. We bought a ten pack of tickets that year, and even though I only made it to half of the games each trip was a blast. Nothing like getting hammed in the lot, heading to the front row where it is obvious you dont have tickets, and the causing a scene so they almost have to kick you out. Well they were unable to catch us that day, and I had the best seats, with the best Brewer fan company.

#6 Date Unkown, 2006 (Brewers vs ???) You are probably wondering how could this be so memorable yet you know nothing about it? Well I will tell you. You get 40 of your closest friends, you line up a couple of half barrels. You add the fun of the Brewer parking lot before the game, and you race to see who can finish there barrel first. The night actually ended quite a few urinating in public tickets, as well as a very close call in the back of Dues truck. Well there was piss all over the back seat.

#5 May 20th 2007 (Brewers vs Twins) Talk about a Sunday funday. The day did not start well as our bodies were hesitant to forgive from the long weekend. I actually tried to talk my buddy Jake into taking us home before we even met up with our group. I am glad he didnt. I wasnt planning on drinking, but when the beer pong tables, came out, and the smell of the grill was getting to me, I turned to the only thing I had in my car, a bottle of Canadian Club. It wasnt much later until i was deepthroating cheesy brats, and making out with babes inside the stadium. It was a great ride home as well as we tried to hit up every bar. Work was real fun the next day.

#4 July 5th, 2007 (Brewers vs Rockies) Another Brewer game I failed to make it into. This is the famous tailgate where we took the best concocotion ever made and added it to our tailgate. The jungle juice was up to its old tricks and it showed. Headstands in the parking lot, puking from just about everyone, a bare foot walk across broken glass, my best Spartan impression with a 6' spear (aka foam fence protector), cops telling me "they arent too impressed", two brats in the tailpipe, and if I remember correctly, I even gave a tennis lesson that night! Maybe this should be moved up the list.

#3 Sept 24th 2005 (Badgers vs Michigan) If none of you have ever made the trip up Brees street on a Badger game day, well then you havent really seen what tailgaiting is all about. How about 40,000 wild Badger fans, getting ansty for kickoff, and since it is an evening game, all bets are off. Seriously, it probably isnt safe walking down that street for an evening game. Noel and I partied hard before this one, which even included a punt, pass, and kick competition from a couple of the drunkest guys I have ever seen in the middle of a very crowded road. We got into the game, and my mom scored us some great seats, however it was in the geriatric section, I felt like I belonged perfectly as my bladder would only allow me to sit, for 10 minutes at a time. Boy were they pissed when they had to move there old asses for a 300lb drunk guy every ten minutes. I did however get to see the end of the game when Johnny Stocco, scored on a QB draw giving Bucky the game.

#2 Oct 11th 2003 (Badgers vs Ohio State) If I was doing a top ten greatest days of Matt Browne's life this would be hard pressed not to be number one. Seriously, celebrating your 21st birthday party in style with a Badger victory over those hated fucking nuts from Ohio. I cant even list all the great memories i have from this day, all I can say is it started with a tomato theft, one that made Jim Romes radio broadcast the next day, and ended with a dump in a driveway. nuff said!

#1 Oct 7th 2006 (Badgers vs Wildcats) I really didnt think anything of drinking bloody mary's, beers, and mixers at 9 oclock in the morning. What started as a nice fall afternoon ended in a nightmare for my cousin Tim and his wife Catherine. The day included Vodka sparks and all you can drink shots at the Gridiron, whisky waters at the Stadium, getting caught urinating in public by a cop (yeah he actually put his hands on me while I was still going), taking 20 dollars from my cousin to buy beer, and getting a box of wine and a pack of smokes, and then blowing chow all over my cousins ride, when he was kind enough to give me a ride home. This is definately not my proudest, or favorite tailgating moment but definately my most memorable.

I am sure I missed a few, so if you remember a great tailgate story or a story from one of these days, please post it!

Humpday August 29th, 07'

Jenny McCarthy, what can I say? She looks pretty good for like 45 or something. My penis grew up with Jenny McCarthy. They were really good friends. My penis used to braid her hear every night. I remember this one time my penis was telling me how they used to take hot steamy baths, and Jenny splashed him right in his weiner face. Let me tell you she got a wollopin' even Jim Carey wouldnt find funny.

Elija Wood is a rip off...gay

Dude...N'sync, Metalica, Michael Jackson should all want to beat the rings out of E-Wood. I am pretty sure he thought of this dance while playing twat man. But had to put a killer death metal twist to it then wind it up and give it to the kids. He went on this show hoping to score some sweet milk break poon tang, but came out looking like a bigger duesch than he already is. This a a pretty memorizing vid. I actually got tingles when they all went "CRAZZZZZYYYYYY" Oh E-weezy you can babysit my kids any day!

Surprisingly Im Straight

I am starting my first post ever on a blog with this...
When I was a kid I loved this movie. After seeing this clip again, I can't believe I havent sucked dick before. This is seriously one of the gayest things I have ever seen. I am surprised that when ever I hear the sweet melodies from a sweaty saxophone I am not scrambling to find the biggest cock to wrap my lips around. Ladies and Gents This clip is from "The Lost Boys" I bring this to your attention because right now as we speak Lost Boys 2 is in the works. I am sorry to say Cory Heim will most likely not be in it. Now if you will excuse me I think I hear a saxophone.