Thursday, August 30, 2007

Top 10: Tailgate Experiences


With the Badger opener right around the corner, it is no better time than now, to post my ten favorite tailgate memories. I tried to include the date and who was playing, but as you may know by now the game often take second fiddle. I would like to say thanks for all those who helped make these moments so memorable, and I would like to apologize to all of you whose tailgates I have ruined because of drunkeness. Here it goes!


#10 Evanston Illinois, any Badger trip I have ever made. This actually has a lot of sentimental value to me. My late and dear aunt Joanie, was a Northwestern graduate, her husband is Wisconsin Alum. Each year we would go down and watch the Badgers square off against the Cats. Hands town the best food you will ever eat at a tailgate, and the company of all Brownes truly makes each trip memorable. Nothing like 20 of your closest family members heading into the lions den of Ryan Field, where the student section is reminiscent of my high schools.


#9 Dec 22nd 2002 (Packers vs Bills). Oh yes the mighty frozen tundra. My dear friend Mark Retzlaff hails from Green Bay, not originally of course, but when it comes to hosting a great tailgate few do it better than him and his parents. The weekend usually starts off with titty bars and barrel stands and ends with a Packer game. This game I tried something new to get me ready for a tailgate, the whacky tobaccy, knowing its side effects, happy, sleepy, tired, I didnt know what to expect. I think that was pretty evident when after the first half I leaned over to Mark and said, "I dont think I remember one play from the first half". Needless to say, the Packer tailgates are always memorable.


#8 Nov 8th, 2003 (Badgers vs Gophers). Anytime I can go a Badger game with my favorite Retzlaff, Roy, I am completely jacked up. Especially when he is buying $12 pitchers in downtwon Minneapolis. Again, the Retzlaff's took care of me in what turned out to be my first and last trip to the Gopher dome for a football game. Lets just put it this way, your tailgate only has to be mediocore, when they sell beers throughout the game inside the stadium.


#7 April 3rd, 2006 (Brewers vs Pirates). This was my first home opener and more importantly, it was the first game I had ever been to with my cousins Chad and Montana. We bought a ten pack of tickets that year, and even though I only made it to half of the games each trip was a blast. Nothing like getting hammed in the lot, heading to the front row where it is obvious you dont have tickets, and the causing a scene so they almost have to kick you out. Well they were unable to catch us that day, and I had the best seats, with the best Brewer fan company.


#6 Date Unkown, 2006 (Brewers vs ???) You are probably wondering how could this be so memorable yet you know nothing about it? Well I will tell you. You get 40 of your closest friends, you line up a couple of half barrels. You add the fun of the Brewer parking lot before the game, and you race to see who can finish there barrel first. The night actually ended quite a few urinating in public tickets, as well as a very close call in the back of Dues truck. Well there was piss all over the back seat.


#5 May 20th 2007 (Brewers vs Twins) Talk about a Sunday funday. The day did not start well as our bodies were hesitant to forgive from the long weekend. I actually tried to talk my buddy Jake into taking us home before we even met up with our group. I am glad he didnt. I wasnt planning on drinking, but when the beer pong tables, came out, and the smell of the grill was getting to me, I turned to the only thing I had in my car, a bottle of Canadian Club. It wasnt much later until i was deepthroating cheesy brats, and making out with babes inside the stadium. It was a great ride home as well as we tried to hit up every bar. Work was real fun the next day.


#4 July 5th, 2007 (Brewers vs Rockies) Another Brewer game I failed to make it into. This is the famous tailgate where we took the best concocotion ever made and added it to our tailgate. The jungle juice was up to its old tricks and it showed. Headstands in the parking lot, puking from just about everyone, a bare foot walk across broken glass, my best Spartan impression with a 6' spear (aka foam fence protector), cops telling me "they arent too impressed", two brats in the tailpipe, and if I remember correctly, I even gave a tennis lesson that night! Maybe this should be moved up the list.


#3 Sept 24th 2005 (Badgers vs Michigan) If none of you have ever made the trip up Brees street on a Badger game day, well then you havent really seen what tailgaiting is all about. How about 40,000 wild Badger fans, getting ansty for kickoff, and since it is an evening game, all bets are off. Seriously, it probably isnt safe walking down that street for an evening game. Noel and I partied hard before this one, which even included a punt, pass, and kick competition from a couple of the drunkest guys I have ever seen in the middle of a very crowded road. We got into the game, and my mom scored us some great seats, however it was in the geriatric section, I felt like I belonged perfectly as my bladder would only allow me to sit, for 10 minutes at a time. Boy were they pissed when they had to move there old asses for a 300lb drunk guy every ten minutes. I did however get to see the end of the game when Johnny Stocco, scored on a QB draw giving Bucky the game.


#2 Oct 11th 2003 (Badgers vs Ohio State) If I was doing a top ten greatest days of Matt Browne's life this would be hard pressed not to be number one. Seriously, celebrating your 21st birthday party in style with a Badger victory over those hated fucking nuts from Ohio. I cant even list all the great memories i have from this day, all I can say is it started with a tomato theft, one that made Jim Romes radio broadcast the next day, and ended with a dump in a driveway. nuff said!


#1 Oct 7th 2006 (Badgers vs Wildcats) I really didnt think anything of drinking bloody mary's, beers, and mixers at 9 oclock in the morning. What started as a nice fall afternoon ended in a nightmare for my cousin Tim and his wife Catherine. The day included Vodka sparks and all you can drink shots at the Gridiron, whisky waters at the Stadium, getting caught urinating in public by a cop (yeah he actually put his hands on me while I was still going), taking 20 dollars from my cousin to buy beer, and getting a box of wine and a pack of smokes, and then blowing chow all over my cousins ride, when he was kind enough to give me a ride home. This is definately not my proudest, or favorite tailgating moment but definately my most memorable.


I am sure I missed a few, so if you remember a great tailgate story or a story from one of these days, please post it!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

As for the #1 moment, I do think it deserves to be added that the title of this blog was derived from your conduct that evening.

There were a number of catchy statements made by Big Tasty, drunk as hell, box wine vomit all over himself and my back seat, talking a stream of will-never-remember drunken ramblings, such as ""Fuck you, Irv," "Catherine, I promise it won't be like this next semester," and "oh, so now you're mad at me?"

However, most importantly, Big Tasty had the following to say about his path of devastation:

"Deal with it."

C-Weed said...

wow, that is AWESOME! Timmy you would have to be family to put up with that shit. i think the best is "oh now your mad at me?" you should of rolled him out into a ditch and left him for certain death by vomit asphyxiation. Then as your speeding away high fiveing Catherine you yell out "DEAL WITH THAT DICKFACE!"