I have to tell you something. Ladies, I am going to have to ask you to sit down. This isn't going to be easy, but I don't know how else to say this...ummm whewww this is tough a...lot..harder....than I thought it was going to be. How do I say this...its not you........its me. All the rumors are true, I proposed to my girlfriend. We have been together for about three and half years and well...gulp quite frankly you are all skanks and you annoy me. LOL just kidding you don't annoy me, I am just not allowed to talk to you anymore. Thats right bitches C-Weed is off the market, so sit on your hands and close your legs. Its starting to smell like tuna in here. Am I right guys, hahah...ha..ha huuuuuhhh. Who am I kidding I am no Freddy Prince Jr. But I do feel like a million bucks. I am set to marry the most important person in my life, If she actually lets me. I have to say this was probably one of the easiest decisions I have ever made. Callie is by far the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I am sure if you really know me you will agree. The hard part was trying to full fill what I thought was her perfect engagement. I had an idea of how I wanted to get engaged, but that it involved lots of sex and buffalo wings. Turns out not everyone is into that. Huh, I know right. I have had the ring for some time, but I was waiting for the right time and the right place. I think I was so worried about making it perfect that I couldnt even think of anything unique. Well I was getting pretty impatient and couldnt wait any longer. I decided Saturday morning while bow hunting that there is no reason to wait any longer. Today is the day, just do it already you pussy. Since Callie has been going to school and working nights we haven't had much personal time. Well she had the night off and was planning a supa good homemade Chinese dinner. So After dinner we settled in to some late night TV. I had to mix up all a tall boy to settle the nerves. I went to my incredibly secret hiding place and pulled out the ring and thats when it hit me. "Holly fuck I am really about to do this! Right now holly fuck!" So I pulled myself together walked up stairs into the living room and froze. I was freaking out, so I stood there watching some Americas Funniest Videos, laughing like a total awkward fag. It was pretty obvious I was up to something, luckily she normally blocks me out completely so she didn't notice anything out of the ordinary. So I grabbed my (nuts) nerves and asked her to put the computer down for a minute. I got on one knee began to shake like a little bitch and the rest is history.
We don't have a date at the moment. We decided to wait until she finishes school in May to hash out the details. I would imagine probably a year and a half to two years before we make er' official.
Soooo yeah lets hear all the lame wedding cliches in the comments, like
-well its your funeral
-your gay
-the old ball and chain
-little black book
-do you want to go to the strip club
...wait yes, yes I do.
6 comments:
I could not stop laughing when I read this - I've never heard the proposal from a guy's perspective. Congrats!
Well first of all congratulations. Callie is a wonderful girl and a great catch and I dont think any one would argue with me, when I say you couldnt do any better. I to share a dream of proposing at an all you can eat buffalo wing buffet. I was thinking about sliding the ring on one of the wings. Callie, I hope to god you dont read this, but if you do you found a good one as well. Let me point out what I love about good ol C$$$.
- Being blessed with thumbs that double as butt plugs.
- All those valuable lessons you taught me by "us" getting in trouble and "you' getting your ass kicked.
- Becoming the first man, with a home, to build an entire wordrobe out of clothes you got for free.
- Getting kicked out of the dorms, slamming the door an inch away from the R.A.'s face and telling him. "Well, do what ever the fuck got to do!" Truly a priceless moment for an 17 year old to witness. Mind you this was about a month after C$$$ started school.
- Putting out a solo rap album, that makes drinking 30s of busch light, smoking camels, and chewing kodiak, cool. I have a request that you remake the ode to stoll to and ode to silver, however.
- Having you make 3 boxes of macaroni and cheese at bar time, only to have you take the entire batch up to your room, not offering me any, and passing out in bed after two spoon fulls.
- Most importantly however you being the best friend a guy could ever have. I am truly blessed to have you as a cousin, as you were like my big brother growing up. Man did we get into some shit. I shared so many first with you, first beer, first chew, first cigarette, first time smoking weed, first fight, the list goes on and on. Congratulations man you deserve a woman as good as Callie, and though she may not know it now, she is lucky to have you as well.
i love you, c-no!
(this is kempf by the way)
Yes it is a joyus thing, I can just hear all the bitches who are crying that they wont have a chance at the weed. Im truly happy for Callie now that she will be with craig forever she does not have to be a victam on a cd. It is a great thing and i to could not be more happy for the both ou you!! Things i love about C-NO
Staying at my crib every weekend in high school
Never having parties oh wait lets ask matt bodden about that
Winstons
My shed
no cd being safe at best buy
introducing me to the office (kempf too)
Shot down high fives (tubbs)
2 for bobby
as i read this i think i could go on forever so thanks kid for being a great best friend congrats and i truly do love the both of you!!
Do they make wedding rings in size - extra sausagey?
I like how you guys are treating this like an obituary, very fitting. Zurbs I dont think they come in extra sausagey, they told me it would have an elastic band with velcro. They kept saying it would give me room to grow. I agreed with them. So maybe they do come in xtra sausagey.
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