Prustism's

Prust-ism [pr-oo-st-ism]:

-noun, adj.

1. Statement made without process of thought.

2. Term used to describe these statements

3. Quite possibly the stupidest shit ever said.

4. Anything said that is immediately regretted because it is in wrong context, utter jibberish, or lacking coherence; typical response is astonshiment, followed by laughter.

For those of you that have not met my good friend Adam Prust let me give you a quick introduction. Him and I met as Freshman in college, we were roommates in the dorms and for two years once we moved out. He spent countless number of hours in the library working hard to achieving his goal, of graduating in four years. He did this without a hiccup, got into grad school and just finished up his graduate degree in pyschology. He just started his first job as a resource consultant in Milwaukee and will be helping companies weed out employees. Think of the Bob's from office space. He may be best known for slaying poon way out of his league, a mean drunk temper, and of course the list we all know as "The Prustims". This list was compiled by my good friend and long time class mate of Adam's Mark Retzlaff. So if you see Mark thank him, and if you see or meet Adam share a laugh with him. This shit is not made up as hard as it may believe and was never intended to be funny. Prust I love you, but I have to share this.

1. “Dude is this shit gonna go down in history?” (Referring to 9/11/01)

2. Its 3 a.m. and the fire alarm is going off and Adam says this to me: “What’s that noise?” “The fire alarm.” “Well shut that shit off.”

3. “Real smokers don’t need smoke.”

4. “Get pance back.” - Describing a note Adam left for Mark.

5. “I don’t mean to sound gay but can you help me get this shirt off?”

6. “What’s a green?”

7. “Here smell this, does that smell dirty?”

8. “Where do you get the hair from?” (Referring to Rachel’s pony tail thing)

9. “You guys want me to show you around the room?” (Our dorm room)

10. “Oh yeah, I was curling his dumbbell!!!” (talking about a guy in the weight room)

11. “Don’t make sucking dick robotic, make it artistic.”

12. “Yeah just the thought of having a black dick makes it seem bigger.”

13. “Yeah but do they do exotic ear piercing?”

14. “What’s a horse’s purpose?”

15. “Some chick on here just told me I only have a minute left.” (the ATT phone card voice)

16. “You bit the fat part of my nipple.”

17. “Do you chew’ em…or do you eat them.? (as I hand Adam a Tums)

18. “Wouldn’t it be awesome if the quarterback could turn the complete opposite way and threw the ball and it wouldn’t be intentional grounding?” (Followed by a red face and short breath from laughing at what he just said)

19. “It’s a Road Island flavored cappuccino.”

20. (Adam says to Kristin and Nellie) “I don’t think you ladies need Subway.”

21. “Prust what’s the score of the game?” “Ummm its 3 to 3 the Yanks are up.”

22. “Yeah dude I’d fuck a black chick, but I mean I have standards, like their knees cant’ be really black.”

23. “This house is such a piece of shit that I bet the garbage man thinks it’s garbage and will try to take it away.” “Whatever Prust.”

24. (King)”Look at Prust he looks dumbfounded.” “ (Adam) “What? Im confused by all this Simpson jibber.”

25. “It’s a homeless house.”

26. “Why is there a red stripe on this straw, I mean I don’t want this shit on my straw?”

27. Walking back from the gym Adam turns to me and says, “Dude don’t you hate it when you try to think of a big word and then when you think of it you say the wrong word…like I was just thinking of escalate and I said Escalade, man I hate that don’t you? “Ummmm sure Prust.”

28. “I hate that bastard.” (Me) “Why Prust” “He always talks me out of the shit I don’t want to do.” (me)“And the problem is?”

29. “Dude I think I need directions for this blanket…what the fuck way is the long end, God.”

30. “So do you guys think that this wave right here is sad because it knows that its life is over once it hits shore?” “Prust are you drunk?”

31. (After realizing a girl got shit on by a bird) “Out of all the places that bird could have shit, it shit on you.” Followed by constant laughing

32. Prust referring to something he just drank: “I drank half this shit thinking it was grape juice.” (me) “But its not purple it looks like apple juice.” (Prust) “That’s what I meant, but still this is some goof tasting shit.” (Me) “That’s cuz its not apple juice, its white grape and peach juice.” (Prust) “I knew I bought some generic shit but I mean they could have at least made it take like Apple Juice..but shit man.”

33. “Hey Prust what’s the next big city we go through?” “Louise Ville.” “You mean Louisville?” “Oh yeah.”

34. “Prust what color are your eyes?” “I don’t know what color are they?”

35. “Well tough going cookie.” “Prust what the hell?” “Dude you don’t know how bad cookies have it.”

36. “You can’t chew gum and drink beer at the same time, it spoils the taste of the beer. You gotta put it on the side of the can.”

37. Upon opening the homepage to UWM and reading the title: New Vice Chancellor, but to Adam it reads: New Vance Chancellor and then tells me that this guy “Vance” is ugly.

38. “Like we take the biggest shits, but we got the tightest assholes, but these girls in porno are…(Prust trails off b/c he doesn’t know where he is going with it)

39. As Adam tries to combine the words gas station and grocery store together, he tells Nellie,”Yeah we will stop at the “gascery store” and pick up some food.”

40. “So how do you sleep at night?”

41. He stricked it rich.”

42. As we are playing a game of bullshit pyramid and the last card is about to be turned over. Fidler groups 3 queens together and throws the final queen ontop of it. Prust then says, “Oh yeah big money who is drinkin?” Everyone shakes their heads in disbelief.

43. 15 minutes after waking up after a whole night of partying at Bush’s Prust ceases to amaze us and says, “So did we go to Fidler’s last night?”

44. (Ordering food at McDonald’s) Prust orders food for like 6 people then when he was done he asked the total, it comes up to $19.30 and we were told to not go over $20, so in aw Prust looks at me and says, “That’s fucking perfect man.” “Yeah it is Prust.” When the guys goes to hand him .70 Prust says, “Give it to the kids.” Then looks at me and says, “That’s why I do this stuff Retz, for the kids.” “You spend $19.30 at McDonald’s to give kids .70?”

45. “Since when did Minute Rice turn into 5 minute rice?”

46. Damn Prust you’re really going in there, “Hey man, you know me I don’t piss cause I like to but because I gotta.”

47. “Awww look at that bird, he’s sleeping.” “Prust he flew into the window, he is dead.” “No he is sleeping.”

48. “What are eggs if you cant dunk?”

49. “So what do you do when you go swimming, I mean is it like an actual workout? Do you like throw quarters at the bottom of the pool and go after them?

(Bridget) “No Prust I do laps.”
(Prust confused now) “You mean they have like an indoor track in the shape of a pool?”
(Me) “Prust are u fucking retarded, have you ever seen a pool?”

(Bridget) “There are lanes Adam, I go down and back and that is one lap.”
(Prust) “Oh ok so its not like an indoor track”

50. In Linguistics Power of Word. “Prust what is that word?” “Ummm it is HyperBOLA.” “Prust that is hyperbole.” “Ohhh yeah, my contacts are fucked up.” “Hey don’t write that one down, it wasn’t that funny.” “Ok Adam.”

51. (Prust)“So did he say that the word bear can only be used as in the sense of the animal?”(Me) “No, bear can be used like, to bear children.” (Prust flabbergasted) “WHAT? BEAR CHILDREN, what the hell is that?” (Me) “To give birth.” (Prust) “Oh I thought it was a type of a kid or something.”

52. “Dude, Retzlaff, get that breathing machine, we got fat chicks coming to Bobby’s room.”

53. Prust gets locked out of his dorm for the 3rd time this year, resulting in him having to pay a $50 fine. With his quick wit he decides to sign his name Chuck Mallotte from East Tower room 950. We are East 910. (One week later he gets a note saying he has a meeting for getting keyed in for the 3rd time)

54. “Dude look at this shit (coughs and hacks up a luggy) they have been greenies all day.” Me: “Prust, don’t ever do that again.”

55. A Prust moment: 2a.m. we take a beer bong 2:15a.m. I convince Prust to wear a 12 pack of Bud Light on his head as a helmet a 12er for his boxers and a beer bong as his sword. We then proceed to parade him around to different floors as numerous people watch him walk around.

56. pdiddyprust (12:39:49 AM): chalk one up for the skipper
pdiddyprust (12:39:55 AM): YES
pdiddyprust (12:40:06 AM): eat my ass hole
pdiddyprust (12:40:17 AM): the skipper baby
pdiddyprust (12:40:23 AM): chalk one up
pdiddyprust (12:40:50 AM): booyah
RADSLAFF (12:40:58 AM): are u done
pdiddyprust (12:41:01 AM): whats the matter now focker
pdiddyprust (12:41:10 AM): you can handle it can you
pdiddyprust (12:41:17 AM): fuck no im not done
pdiddyprust (12:41:21 AM): i just started
pdiddyprust (12:41:24 AM): are you done
pdiddyprust (12:41:37 AM): did the skipper get the best of y
pdiddyprust (12:41:39 AM): ya
pdiddyprust (12:47:15 AM): o hell no i will take you and your fish down any day any time any way

57.”There is nothing like downloading new porn, you just never know what you are gonna get.”

58.”It doesn’t take two to jerk off.”

59. “Retzlaff, who is my favorite NBA player?” “I don’t know.” “Its that white guy…he looks like my dad, that’s him right there.” “Prust that is Eduardo Najera, I am pretty sure he is not white.”

60. “Man, I remember when I was the first nigga on the block with grip shift. When I got on it I was just like grip shift grip shift ohhh yeah.

61. Adam to Fidler, “Do you know anything about the ‘wireless internet’?

62. Prust to me, “Dude, doesn’t that lava look like it would be fun to play in? Like to just go jump right on in.” “Prust, its like 1500 degrees, so no.”

63. (In Madison) “Dude I just want to go pet the horse.” Me, “I hope it kicks you.” 20 seconds later Prust rubs the horse’s ass and get yelled at by the cop.

64. I get a voice message from Prust telling me that there is something urgent and he is in Madison, so I call him back. Prust – “Hey man, I didn’t know u were in Madison.”Im not.”
“No, you are, I see you right now.”
(Me)“No, you don’t, I am in our kitchen.”
“No man, you are like 30 feet away.”
(Me)“Well am I on a cell phone?”
“Ummmm nooooooo.”
(Me)“Ok man, then that isn’t me cause I am in Milwaukee.”
“Oh well this kid looks like u, talks like u, laughs like u.”
(Me)“But it isn’t me, you dumb son of a bitch.”

65.” Does anyone else think that it is weird that a fish is just living there in that tank full of water, I mean I am out here, and he is in there.’

66. As we see two girls that we know walking towards Lake Michigan Prust says, “Hey you ladies be careful down by the river now.” The rest of the group, “River???”

67.”Doesn’t it look like these are hand written?” “I mean it really looks like someone just took a marker to this.” Prust, that’s because we made it you dumb bastard.” (referring to drunken jumble tower)

68. As we walk past a sign in front of a bar Prust notices it and says, “What does 2-4-1 mean?” Complete silence b/c we know him al too well.