3 on 3 Preview

Tommorow is the First Annual White Men Can't Jump 3 on 3 Tournament. We have a 7 team field for our double elimination bracket. I havent been this excited for a tournament since the song "Your the Best Around" plays in the karate kid tournament montage. This is going to be a great time, plenty of beer, hopefully plenty of girls, and a days worth of top notch basketball.

First Round Matchups

Ballz Deep Vs The Revolution
Ballz Deep consists of Cody Gordon, Scott Gordon, and the only female participant, Emily Gordon. They get a tough draw in the first round. The Revolution led by silky smooth swingman Jake Schaub "Ricky Roe" and the leadership of point man Matt Noel "Butch McRae", who will most likely be matched up with Emily. A battle I see really going either way. Another interesting Matchup is the one in the middle. A couple of men who tip the scales at nearly 3 bills will be going to war down low, and the winner of this matchup could determine the winner. I expect the sweet shooting of Roe, and the home court advantage to get the best of Ballz Deep.

Badger Rejects Vs Skillz that Killz
This is one of the more highly anticipated first round matchups. Skillz that Killz is led by Aaron Powell, Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorrila", and Mike Jonely "Malibou" who hopefully can concentrate on basketballl with all the primo tale running around. Badger Rejects is lead by Golden Eagle grad, Conrad "The Albino Assassin" Shernecker, and his crew of flunkies. Chad "Pig" Schaub, is training at the police academy so it will be interesting to see if his endless hours of beating on minorities, and slamming Krispy Kremes, will translate into a W. I see the veteran leadership of Aaron Powell (Scott Skiles clone) being enough to carry Skillz into the next round.

Team Triple Threat Vs The Young Gunz
One of the early favorites, the veteran crew of Team Triple Threat featuring 3 guys nearing there thirties, with something to prove. Ryan "Pony" Powell is trying to recreate the mid nineties magic he had with teammate Jay Heiman on there memorable trip to the regional finals. Necomer Marcus Packard's entry was highly provactive, due to late payment in the fantasy football league. Look for Packards versatility to fit right in with the krafty vets. The Young Gunz have the most recent competitive basketball experience. They have been suiting it up for Marshall High the last 4 years. However I think they will quickly realize this is a different brand of basketball. The Schaub twins are going to have a tough time playing in the shadow of the legend "Roe" and will have to make up for that by playing there hearts out. I dont think it will be enough as I believe Triple Threat has one last shot at mediocracy.

Magic Nugget Pouches (First Round Bye)
A sleeper team in the tournament is the foreign team the Magic Nugget Pouches. Led by another Golden Eagle, and Under Armor Sponsered, Scott "The Floor General" Grunwald. The Nugget Pouches is the only team with five participants so depth should not be a factor however drinking most certainly will, as two of this teams members Poot Wiske, and Bob "Bobby Shots" Wygandt have recently fallen off the wagon. Matt "Big Boi" Hebl will be intimidating opposing defenses with his sick post game, a disgusting brand, and a long face that would make seabisquit tremble. This sleeper on this team Crazy NP Jeff Einerson, you may remember him as the guy who slept with Steve Donaldson causing the demise of the Wildcats, but he has been seen recently ripping up the courts at Whitewaters open gym. If Einerson can recreate some of the Cat magic, and Wiske and Bob, save some of the drinking for after the party this could be a scary team.

Five Players to Watch

Jake Schaub Aka Ricky Roe
The sweetest stroke in the tournament, and a face that will make the women melt. Rumor has it that he has been guranteed a piece of ass if he does well on Saturday if that doesnt bring out the best in you I dont know what will.

Conrad "Albino Assassin" Shernecker
Forget that he has spent the last 6 months on his knees praying to the Jesuit for the return of Domminic James. This kid can flat out shoot the rock. One thing to look for how he handles the sun, being a pasty ginger, in this hot weather could lead to an off game. Hopefully he remembers his SPF 150.

Marcus "Shaq Attack" Packard
He brings the inside outside game to the courts of Tower Drive. Packard reffered to by friends as the Shepherd, will be a force to be reckoned with. His eligibilty is still in question due to late fantasy football payments. If he gets his eligibility granted he should make the all tourney team.

Mike "Malibou" Jonely
If Malibou can take time out from relaxing on the beach with a beer in one hand and a babe in the other to concentrate on winning this tournament, look out. The tallest player in field, will look like Yao Ming on this hoop, and he has the game to back it up. No chance he passes the drug test, but then again who will.

Mark "The Rim Swingin Gorilla" Retzlaff
The heat should be no problem for this Congo native. His scary long arms, and thick mane, should cause nightmares for opposing defenders. His deadly accuracy from deep is going to be tested on these tight rims, if he can find the distance, 99 bananas could be on him after the tourney.

Special Mention Matt "Neon Badeaux" BrowneDont expect much from this proverbial shit show, except for maybe winning the award for guy with most shots blocked. He will probably be found in between games, spitting hot fire to ladies, playing drinking games (minus a shirt of course), and chirping all over the court. Browne who appartenly has let his game slip away due to endless hours trying to master Halo 2, while deepthroating Jimmy Johns club sandwiches. If you like to follow trajesty, dont take your eyes off, he will not dissapoint.