Well you cannot tell it by the weather today, but May is going to be here next week, and summer is right around the corner. Summer is a great time of year for me. It is a time of mustard stained shorts, tailgate parties, bathing the whale, cook outs, trips to the north woods, and the consumption of hundreds and hundreds of brats. Well all of those activities, are usually accompanied by booze. Lots and lots of booze. Well when the weather gets real nice, and the booze is a flowing, I have this real bad habit of taking my clothes off. If you don't know me and have never seen me, well all I can say is I am the last person you want to see without any clothes on. However, this doesn't stop me. I don't have a problem with my body at all, I am totally comfortable in this skin. However what should be stopping me, is the fact that I have a small dick.
That's right I finally admitted it to the world. I have what is none as LDS or Little Dick Syndrome. This is something that has cursed the Mulhern name for many many years. With me it isn't so much that my dick is little, however, in its flaccid state, he is very bashful. I have never once had a girl tell me I wasn't large enough, or even that I was little. When I am aroused, I feel like I am average to maybe even a little above average. OK, I wont get carried away, a little below average. However for some reason, the good lord has cursed me with the smallest limp dick in the world. This is a horrible thing to have. I bought a pair of European style swim trunks for Cabo, but I was ashamed to wear them because of my disorder. Now I can only wear them in the confort of my own home. I used to think this was something i was born with. However, I think this is something that I can blame on my mother.
When I was younger, basically from 5-12, my mother used to go to a fitness club with a girl who made spandex clothing. Shorts, and work out stuff, you name she made it. My mom would sell this clothing to her friends and get free shit for her and her family. So basically for that seven years of my life I could be seen in nothing but spandex. Yes I didn't even own a pair of jean shorts. Just spandex bike shorts in every color. Let me remind you this is before the days of Under Armour or even Lance Armstrong. Back when wearing bicycle shorts was not cool. Come to think of it wearing bike shorts has and never will be cool. Thanks mom! Well I think what had happened was all that snugness back then forced my penis to adapt to a new life style. He new he wasn't going to be able to just hang there without any worries. No instead he was suffocated for years, and in resent he stays bottled up so to speak, just to teach me a saddening lesson. I have heard this syndrome also know as "Grow-ers not Show-ers". Well I sadly need to take this hint.
I have hated this curse for as long as I can remember. Yeah try showering next to the likes of Scott Russell, Big Worm, or AP when you are only packing 3" of limp dick. It is fucking embarrassing. I mean its not like I can just get a little blood flowing down there before I hit the showers otherwise I will get made fun of for being a fag. It is truly a no win situation. I am sure my friends and colleagues have poked fun of this one weakness I possess. Surely I have been the blunt of many jokes from all the ladies I have been with. However I have finally come to peace with my disease. I have accepted that not all men are created equal, and I have to focus on the things I am truly blessed with. Like this abnormormally large scrotum. Kidding kidding. However I now not worry what my penis looks like when he is not at attention. I have learned that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and I think he is cute. I wanted to issue this Public Service Announcement, as fair warning to all of those that may party with me this summer. Minnie Me may be partying as well. Deal with it...
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