"Tonight We Roll in Hell"

Last weekend we had the second annual fireman's bowling tournament and I hope it is the last bowling tournament I am ever in. I don't know if my body can handle another one. I wanted to wait until I saw some pictures before doing this post because I remember little of the day and evening. Since I don't have time to sum up the entire days events, I will focus on some of the funnier.

- First of all we decided to go with a 70 porn theme, I decided I was going to go as Big Ern from Kingpin, but my costume morphed into a gay biker outfit. I was completely comfortable in that outfit, probably a little too much so. One thing I did notice was that people in small towns are deathly afraid of gay people. If I had a dollar for every dirty look I got on Saturday I would be a rich man. But fuckem it was all in good fun.

- The costumes didn't go over that well to start but then people started to warm up to us a bit. It was either that of the massive amount of booze we consumed in short period of time. We started partying around 230 we bowled at 6. I bet between that time we all had over 10 cocktails, and that would be a conservative effort. The beer special was Hams, I chose Whisky naturally.

- I was getting so damn anxious to bowl, I went and rented my shoes a bit early. Little did i know bowling shoes are not meant to be paraded around a bar in. I was warned repeatedly about how my actions could have consequences but I didn't care. Must have been the whisky doing the thinking. Well I paid the price, my first two balls I ended right on my ass, in front of the entire cavalry of fans that amassed. Though I wasn't that embarrassed, again must have been the booze talking.

- I want to back up a step. Before the bowling actually kicked off we had this great idea to do a 300 themed intro. My buddy Jake was acting as Leonidas and we were all Spartan warriors. This was one of my highlights of the night, and hence the coined phrase above, "Tonight, we roll in hell!" Jake improved about a minute intro for each of us. We were ready for battle. I moved in slow motion, but that is quite natural for me. Not sure if anyone else found it as funny as I did.

- Not sure if you can tell by the picture but I stuffed a sock in the leathers to give me a confidence boost for the day. Boy did it work. The shit talking was at an absolute high. Don't recall exactly what I was talking about, but I think it was about how much cooler, smarter, better looking I am compared everyone else bowling. Again this may have been caused by the whisky.

- After my boy Jake's speech he vanished into the night. After some investigative work, I found that he had passed out in my car, with the keys in the ignition and a back seat full of open intoxicants. Not a great idea snake, but few choices we made on Saturday were.

- Frame 9 of the first game, I had enough, I call in my replacement, I focus on getting fucked up.

- Saw one of my teachers from middle school, told her I am expecting a child, she told me, "I should have asked her advice before doing something like that" I have never been more floored by a response. Apparently her marriage isn't going that well.

- One of the specials was bucket of beers. These buckets really were tempting me as when the ice melted it made the perfect recipe for disaster. I was really close to throwing water at people on a couple different occasions. Luckily my friend mark is my guardian angel or voice of reason. He talked me out of it.

- 8:15 PM green man makes first appearance. Aaron you enthusiasm is something I admire.

- 10ish start making my way to Sun Prairie. Greenman at the wheel of my car, this night could end in tragedy. Better buckle up.

- Walk into the bar with Greenman, naturally every single person turns and looks at us. I felt like Pee Wee Herman trying to use the phone. Order a drink, green man fills it up with popcorn. Finish the drink but starting to feel like my night is soon going to be over. Watch Jake, who is now bright eyed and bushy tailed, move to the dance floor. He works a babe while we sit and watch. We think it would be a great idea to leave him there.

-1130 Greenman has to decide whether to stay and mow pizza or go pick up Jake. I send text to Jake telling him we are on our way. Same text I sent an hour earlier. Jake cannot be happy.

-1200 Greenman picks up Jake. Jake comes into my room, I am just about dead, he gives me his last chew, I want to cry, never told a man not related to me I love him, this was almost a first. He leaves to head to Marshall I fall asleep with his last chew.